Feb 20

Help the Men

2009 at 2:13 pm   |   by Carolyn Mahaney Filed under Singleness

Femininity is not a wedding gift; it’s how we were created. Equal in worth and dignity to men, we nevertheless have different, divinely appointed roles. When God made Eve, He assigned her, and every woman after her, the honorable task of helper (Gen. 1:27, 2:18).

Carolyn McCulley explains the implications for single women:

“The Bible makes it clear in numerous passages that as Christians we are all here to serve. But there is a specific application found in Scripture for a wife to be a helper to her husband. Even before that gracious gift of a husband is provided, there are ways for the faint echoes of “helpmate” to be discernible in the lives of single women.”


When we consider the best deals of the single season, “helper” is near the top of the list. How can you make these “faint echoes” discernible in your life and more specifically, in your relationships with men?

Of course that’s a big subject—way too big to cover in this little post. But let me make one simple suggestion: you can help by encouraging godly men to lead. You can display your femininity by making room for godly men to practice servant leadership.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should follow the leadership of any and every man. And of course you must never allow a man to lead you into sin or lead you away from God’s priorities for your life.

But where possible, in your relationships with godly men in the church and in your life, do what you can to encourage them to take the initiative.

Granted, this is not always easy. And I am not promising you that all men will automatically lead in response to your encouragement. What matters is that you are cultivating the habit of making room for the leadership of men in your life.

The Lord has put certain men in your life—fathers, bosses, friends—and they need to know that you incline toward following their godly leadership instead of resisting it.

For example, if you have a big decision to make—seek out your father or your pastor or your small group leader’s counsel. Don’t independently assume you can do without wise leadership. Rather, give these godly men an opportunity to lead.

In your small group or with friends, don’t always be the one to initiate activities and plan events. Carolyn McCulley suggests pitching your idea to one of the guys in your group of friends Ask him to lead, but then offer your assistance in any way you can.

And whenever you observe a godly man step up to lead a group activity, voice your appreciation and display a willingness to follow. Even if their leadership is not perfectly executed (and it probably won’t be!), your encouragement will spur them on fulfill their God-given role.