Inviting Protection

Yesterday Nicole identified one of the aspects of a godly relationship as, “a humble pursuit of the involvement of others—godly parents if they are available.” The Bible makes it clear that we weren’t called to live the Christian life alone or independently. We need the support and encouragement of other Christians in every part of our lives—not the least being, romance!

As my daughters shared their courtship stories I couldn’t help but think about some of you reading this blog who do not have Christian parents, or maybe your parents are Christians but do not espouse these values.  And you might be asking the question: What should parental involvement look like in my situation?

In his book, Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris answers this very question by elaborating on the principle of “inviting protection” from other godly men and women.  He uses his own courtship experience as an illustration of one way this might look:

Different people will apply it differently in their lives.

For example, I didn’t talk to Shannon’s dad before I told her of my interest in her. She wasn’t living at home, and though she has a wonderful father, he wasn’t a Christian or providing spiritual leadership in her life. I knew that calling him to get permission for a courtship would be more confusing than helpful.

So instead, I talked to Shannon’s pastor, as well as two other married couples from our church who were close to her. I made sure that they didn’t have concerns about me or the timing of a relationship. Only after getting their encouragement did I talk to Shannon.

Then I called both Shannon’s parents the following day to let them know about our courtship and invite their participation. “I’d like you to be involved in our relationship,” I told each of them. I also told both her dad and mom that I’d talk to them before I proposed.

Do you see the principle at work in our situation? I was inviting the protection of the godly men and women who cared for Shannon spiritually, and I was honoring the father and mother who raised her. We don’t all have the perfect family situation, but we can all apply this principle in some form.

So if your family situation does not afford you the benefit of godly parental involvement, may I encourage you to pursue help from older and more mature men and women in your local church?  Contrary to the world’s perspective, romance isn’t dampened by inviting godly counsel. Rather, romance is protected and ultimately cultivated through the wisdom and involvement of others.