On Tuesday I wrote about how a jazz concert inspired me to delight in my role as helper to my husband. In her book, Feminine Appeal (pages 109-111), Mom elaborates on the importance of our role as helper, and it’s implications for us as home managers. This is one of those nuggets of advice that I have found to be consistently relevant.
“Scripture has provided a job description for us as managers of our homes, and it is surprisingly simple, We are to be our husband’s helper (Gen. 1:26-31; 2:7-25; 1 Cor. 11:8-9). As Douglas Wilson elaborates:
‘The man needs the help; the woman needs to help. Marriage was created by God to provide companionship in the labor of dominion. The cultural mandate, the requirement to fill and subdue the earth, is still in force, and a husband cannot fulfill this portion of the task in isolation. He needs a companion suitable for him in the work to which God has called him. He is called to the work and must receive help from her. She is called to the work through ministering to him. He is oriented to the task and she is oriented to him.’ (emphasis mine)
Douglas Wilson, Reforming Marriage (Moscow, Ida.: Canon Press, 1995), p. 16
When we understand that our main objective as home managers is to be oriented to our husbands, this clarifies our responsibilities. We can easily determine what we should do and how we should do it by asking ourselves, ‘What will most help my husband?’ The answer to this question is usually obvious and uncomplicated…
Orienting our lives to our husbands not only helps them, but it helps us as well. When we adapt our lifestyles to serve our husbands, it helps to keep our schedules manageable. Oftentimes we feel pulled in multiple directions by the demands of family, friends, church, school, and community—not to mention our own desires. We try to please everyone, only to feel frustrated and frazzled at the end of the day. However, when we build our lives around helping our husbands, all other ‘needs’ have to assume their proper place on our calendars—that is, if they even belong there at all.
So why don’t we ask our husbands today how we can best help them? And let’s not assume that we can ascertain their preferences through this one-time inquiry. Rather, we ought to frequently solicit their thoughts and opinions so we can manage the home to their liking.”
That last paragraph especially is a good reminder for me: to not assume I’ve got this helper thing down, but to consistently ask myself “What will most help my husband? and to regularly ask Steve as well.