The Single Woman as Homemaker

Stephanie, a young single woman, wrote in with a question:

I've been enjoying the current Homemaking series, but at the same time it makes me even more aware of the desires of my heart to be a wife and mom. Well--I'm almost 24 and there certainly isn't any man on the horizon, as far as I can tell! I currently live at home with my family and I've just been asking God exactly WHAT He has planned for my future! I honestly don't know what I'll do if I don't get married--being a stay-at-home mom is all I've ever really desired to do as a "career"!

So do you have any encouragement for the single woman who desires to be a wife and mom, but...is not? My heart is so heavy and I could use some encouragement!

Stephanie, although your heart is heavy, I do believe that truth from God’s Word can make your heart glad.

First of all remember that God has not forgotten you (Is. 44:21). He has ordained every single day of your singleness before one of them came to be (Ps. 139:16). You are not on hold or waiting in the wings of femininity. God has created you a woman and He has good works for you to walk in today (Eph 2:10) by expressing your femininity.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good” the Psalmist exhorts us. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:3-4). Of course we know this is not a promise that He will bring you a husband. But we do know for sure that “no good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Ps. 84:11). If a husband is good for you, He will bring you a husband, in His good time. You don’t have a husband today because that is not good for you today. What you have today is better. It’s true even if it doesn’t feel like it. And it’s exciting!

But God wants you to delight in Him and in His good and perfect ways—which include a love for home and family. So don’t abandon your love for the home simply because you don’t have your own home yet. Your desires to be a helper, to nurture children, to care for a home are God-given and should be cultivated, not squashed. And you should continue to improve your skills in these areas, not put them on hold.

Listen to one single woman’s perspective:

“To be single is not to forego the traditional ‘womanly’ pursuits.  Whether you live alone or with a husband and children, a house or apartment is still a home that requires “homemaking.”  And marital status has nothing to do with the desire for warm, comfortable, aesthetically pleasing surroundings.  God gave each of us a desire for beauty; it is part of our desire for him, who is loveliness incarnate.  Why should a single woman reject that part of her image as a creature of God? . . .  I am a better and more imaginative cook now than I was five years ago.  I am free to experiment on myself and my friends.  I have the time and the money to entertain people around the dinner table, something I might not want or be able to do if I cooked for a family three times a day every day” (Cheryl Forbes qtd. in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by John Piper and Wayne Grudem, xxvii).

There is so much more I could say in response to your question, but I pray you are encouraged to trust in God and inspired to make it your aim to be an even “better and more imaginative” homemaker next year than you are now.