When I Don’t Want to Do Him Good

We’ve considered ways to do our husbands good (with more great ideas sent in by the hour—keep ‘em comin’ ladies!); but we must also pay attention to what hinders us from doing our husband good. In Feminine Appeal I recount a time, early in my marriage, when I discovered a hindrance to loving my husband.

During my courtship with C.J., he had multiple speaking engagements in the local central Florida area. We were both desperate to be together; so as much as possible I would accompany him to these meetings. Before long I began to notice an unusual pattern: Mealtime would come and go, and C.J., preoccupied with ministering to people, would completely forget to eat. What’s more, it didn’t occur to him that I might be hungry! However, I didn’t mind all that much. I so enjoyed his company that I was easily able to ignore my hunger pangs.

Then we got married. We traveled often during our first year of marriage, and, not surprisingly, eating continued to remain a low priority for C.J. But now I began to grow resentful whenever we missed a meal. He’s not thinking about me. He’s more concerned about his ministry than he is about my needs. As these thoughts simmered, the loving feelings I felt for my husband turned to vengeful feelings, and these vengeful feelings led to angry reactions.

Where did all the love go?

The answer is very simple: sin destroyed my tender love, and with it, my desire to do my husband good. C.J. hadn’t changed. He wasn’t behaving any differently than before we were married. He certainly didn’t have evil motives—not that this would have justified my anger. But instead of being patient with him as he learned to care for a wife, instead of being happy to serve him as he cared for others, I began to respond with bitterness and resentment.

If we find that our desire to do our husband good is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts. Where sin is present, our eagerness to serve dissipates. Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness—all vigorously oppose our desire and efforts to do our husband good. 

So if you find a lack of desire to do your husband good today, ask God to reveal what sin may be hindering that desire. He is eager to grant you the gift of repentance and to change your heart toward your husband!