girltalk Blog

The Case of the Vanishing Busybody

Whitney Carpenter is on the case:

“I am suspect that the neighborhood busybody, the beloved stock character of film, television, and literature, is going extinct. That familiar face, leering at us from between parted blinds, has disappeared…Why would the busybody, so comfortable in her housecoat and hot-rollers for the last hundred years, choose this decade to disappear?

The answer? Whitney doesn’t think you’re going to like it:

If this stock character is vanishing from pop culture it’s because the elements that she satirizes — the judgmental attitude, the gossiping, and the obsession with domestic conflicts — do not apply to her demographic in modern society….The busybody isn’t gone from our midst; she has merely expanded her ranks so quickly and surreptitiously that we haven’t noticed….the busybody is everywhere and everyone.

And how did the busybody become so ubiquitous? The Internet, of course.

The going cliché is that the Internet, and social networking in particular, is making the world a smaller place. I would take that a step further and suggest that social networking is roping our personal worlds — all of our acquaintances spread across our lifetime and the globe — into one blue-and-white small town. And peering through the blinds at our neighbors and crushes from middle school isn’t some old lady. It’s me, you, and everyone we’ve ever met.

Ouch. But she goes on:

The busybody, our patron saint, was ostracized because she was just too interested. Well, we’re interested and we aren’t likely to stop being interested any time soon

…[E]very time I start a sentence with the phrase “I saw on Facebook…” I remind myself that I’m sporting the verbal-equivalent of a housecoat and hot rollers.

Makes you think twice about starting a sentence that way! Even though this article was written a couple of years ago (and not from a Christian world-view, as far as I can tell), it is a vivid and relevant illustration of 1 Timothy 5:13. We’ll revisit this verse again, tomorrow.

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Not Only Idlers

“Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” 1 Timothy 5:13

“Idle hands are the devil’s tools” is a quaint old phrase—literally, it dates back to Chaucer, who got the idea from Scripture. You may have heard it as a child, from a grandparent or some other elderly person; but this bit of wisdom isn’t bandied about much these days. When we hear the word “idle” we may think of the minivan in the driveway, but not a person whose hands are in danger of becoming devilish instruments.

That’s because we are no longer troubled by idleness. We no longer warn our children of its dangers or confess it to a friend. Our culture cultivates idleness, and so we are reasonably comfortable with it and even (unwittingly?) encourage it. But idleness is condemned throughout Scripture and so it should be of serious concern to the Christian.

Why? What is the big deal? We know idleness may not be admirable, but isn’t it rather harmless? Why did the biblical authors and people throughout the centuries speak so strongly about it, even comparing it to a devil’s tool?

We see the answer right here in 1 Timothy 5:13. Idleness is serious because it leads to all kinds of serious sins. Two of them are mentioned here: an idle person is in grave danger of becoming a gossip and a busybody.

Idleness is the fertile soil in which gossip and busybody behavior grow like weeds. And nowhere is the soil of idleness more rich than on the Internet.  Pondering this fact can help restore a healthy fear of this “forgotten” sin and give us pause before we go online.

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Less for More

“What is the best thing in life, bringing more joy, delight and contentment than anything else? Knowledge of God…[It] provides at once a foundation, shape and goal for our lives, plus a principle of priorities and a scale of values. Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life’s problems fall into place of their own accord…. What makes life worthwhile is having a big enough objective, something which catches our imagination and lays hold of our allegiance, and this the Christian has in a way that no other person has. For what higher, more exalted, and more compelling goal can there be than to know God?” JI Packer, p. 33-34

We love the ideas coming in for our #LessForMore challenge. If you are on a Facebook fast like one of our readers (keep it up!) , here are a few helpful comments that may spark your imagination:

Kristina - From hearing John Piper say he has the rule: No Bible no breakfast. I have adopted: No Bible no Facebook! I haven’t been perfect. When I get late and the day disappears I have broken the rule. But I love that it rings in my ear!

Angelle - I’m a sophomore in college and this last year I decided I needed to make a big change with regards to my devotions. In the past I’ve read in the evenings because I fell asleep too easily in the morning, but I really felt like I needed to be starting my day out with God’s Word to help me stay focused throughout the day. This semester I have a new plan: every evening before I go to bed I unplug my laptop, put it in it’s case, and put it in a drawer in my dorm. The laptop doesn’t come out until I’ve read a chapter in Luke (the book I’m working through now), prayed, and read Morning & Evening. I’ve thankful that I have been able to keep this commitment all but two mornings and this is the 5th week of school!

Lindie - challenge accepted! I just downloaded a Bible for my mobile. Everytime before checking facebook i am going to read a chapter.

Rebecca - What a wonderful idea! I will take you up on that challenge. I think for number three I will pick a specific time out of my day (an hour or less) to check e-mail, facebook, and the rest. Instead of going on the computer anytime my heart desires. Thank you for posting this challenge.

Tell us about your #LessforMore challenge and may God give us all grace to spend less time online and more time seeking Him!

“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord.” Hosea 6:3

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A Social Media Challenge

Last week we tweeted a social media question: Has our appetite to know about people eclipsed our appetite to know about God?

Here’s one way to tell: if you had to do without one or the other—God’s Word or social media—for two weeks, which would be harder to give up?

If your desire to commune with God is weak and waning, and your desire to stay in touch with others on social media has morphed into a “need,” there may be a connection between the two.

So, we’d like to issue a social media challenge, beginning today. Less for More.

Less time on Twitter, more time in Scripture. Less time on Facebook, more time in God’s Book. Less time on Pinterest, more time in the Bible. Less time stalking people, more time seeking God.

For the next two weeks we challenge you (and ourselves) to:

1. Read a portion from God’s Word every day. (Here are some great Bible reading plans if you don’t have one already.)
2. Read 5 pages of J.I. Packer’s Knowing God every day.
3. Spend less time on social media in order to make more time for #1 and #2.

It’s up to you to determine the scope of #3. Maybe you need to fast from social media for the entire two weeks. Maybe you resolve to complete #1 and #2 each day before you go online. Or, maybe you need to evaluate when you waste the most time on social media (evening? morning? bus or train ride? children’s naps?) and read the Bible and Knowing God during that time instead.

And consider asking someone to keep you accountable. We’ll keep you posted on our progress (ironically!) via Twitter and Facebook. But we’d rather you complete the challenge than check in with us.

Think of this as a desire realignment. For if you spend more time seeking God in the Scriptures and less time perusing people’s feeds and walls, your heart posture will change. And your vision will change too: you’ll see more clearly how magnificent God is and forever will be, and, by comparison, just how meaningless social media is. As the song goes:

“Turn your eyes upon

Jesus Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.”

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What Killed the Cat

“Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” 1 Timothy 5:13

The young widows in Timothy’s town went about from house to house. Why? Did they want some fresh air? A bite to eat? Were they lonely? Maybe, but what really drove them from house to house was an insatiable curiosity to know about other people.

They wanted to know what was going on in everybody else’s lives—the dirt, the juicy secrets, the pains and struggles, the successes and triumphs, the failures and foibles.

Is this what drives us from Facebook page to Facebook page? From Twitter feed to Twitter feed? From celebrity gossip column to headline news? We are curious. We want to know. Who is seeing whom? Who broke up with whom? Who’s fighting with whom? Who hit bottom? Who made it big?

Problem is, this curiosity can become a craving. And this craving to know about others can eclipse our desire to know about God.

Has our curiosity about other people’s lives become insatiable? Do we just have to know what is going on with all our friends and acquaintances? Do we feel out of touch if we can’t have constant access to social media? Do we have more of a desire to read our Facebook feed than God’s Word? Has curiosity become a sinful craving?

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How to Learn to be Lazy

“Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” 1 Timothy 5:13

We may want to…

…learn to be a graphic designer.

…learn to be an accountant.

…learn to be a dog trainer.

…learn to be a barista.

…learn to be a photographer.

There are a lot of things we may want to learn. But none of us want to “learn to be an idler.”

We wouldn’t sign up for a class to “Learn How to Be an Idler in Thirty Days or Less.”

We wouldn’t study books on “How to Become the Best Idler You can Be.” 

Yet we may be unwittingly training ourselves in idleness by our online habits.

The young widows learned to be idlers by “going about from house to house.”

Are we learning to be idlers by ”going about from Facebook page to Facebook page”?

It’s a question we may not want to ask, but one we must all take to heart.

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Beware the Internet Idler

“Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” 1 Timothy 5:13

”I’m glad I’m not like that” is often my first response when I come across one of these unflattering portraits in Scripture.

Surely I don’t bear any resemblance to these lazy, gossipy young widows? I work each day to serve my family. I get up early. I clean, cook, drive, counsel, encourage, wash, iron and pray. I don’t spend my mornings on the couch clicking the remote or my afternoons gossiping with the neighbors.

But have I “learned to be an idler” through my online habits? Going from Facebook page to Facebook page?

This verse highlights a particular danger of the Internet: it can lure us into idleness. We may not be “going about from house to house” physically, but doing it virtually instead.

So I must ask myself: Have I become an Internet idler?

It may be that I bear more resemblance to these idle young women than I thought at first.

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From the E-Mail Bag: Turning to God’s Word First

Girltalk has always been an extension of our mother-daughter conversations, and we benefit even more when you join in. A great example is this email from Kim who was challenged by last week’s look at temptations to fear on the Internet.  May we all be encouraged by her resolve to spend less time online and more time in God’s Word!

I am so thankful for your current series on our online habits. Your words have challenged me to take a closer look at exactly what I’m spending my time on when I’m online. I tend to seek information re: health problems or issues to my detriment - there’s nothing wrong with seeking information on a symptom here and there but it easily can become something that consumes my mind when I’m checking Google daily for new information on the same strange symptoms and then worrying about exactly what I’m not sure I even have! Nothing online can answer my health questions directly and I’m sad to say I often turn first to the Internet for counsel than the Word of God. I asked myself today how would my soul have benefited if I had spent the 30 minutes in God’s word or prayer rather than online checking again about my strange health symptoms. I was saddened by my choice and am thankful though for the Lord’s grace and that He lovingly corrects and disciples us. And I’m glad He has done that through your message series as well. Thank you for your faithfulness to Him and His Word! Your message has encouraged me to go on a Facebook and Internet fast (aside from paying bills online which would not benefit from my fast) and instead turn to the Word of God first. Thank you again!

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An Online Check-Up

In today’s health-conscious culture we carefully monitor our diets. We count calories and cut carbs and buy organic, because as everyone knows, you are what you eat.

But how much attention do we give our online diet? Do we monitor our intake of information or consider its effect on our souls?

Some of us might have a regular online diet of breaking news, medical information, and stories of loss, tragedy, and heartbreak via social media. We gobble up a huge helping of unhealthy content each morning and snack on it throughout the day. And then we wonder why we are so fearful all the time.

Here’s what can happen to me: I check an online news source only to see a headline about a kidnapping, and I fear for the safety of my grandchildren. Another plane crash or terrorist plot and I worry about C.J.‘s flight home. The local police report indicates a rise in burglaries and I can’t sleep at night.

Whenever we read about something bad happening somewhere else, we may be tempted to imagine it happening to us. And information about bad things happening is everywhere on the Internet!

That’s why we would do well to remember Elisabeth Elliot’s statement of truth (and I can’t help but wonder what her thoughts might be about our online habits!): “There is no grace for our imagination.” Instead, God’s grace is found in the warning to flee these temptations: “Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil” (Ps. 37:8).

So if you find yourself tempted to fret, start by evaluating your online diet. Is it regularly feeding your fearful imagination? If so, then maybe you should choose not to click.

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Not So Helpful

A while ago I told my husband that whenever I went to a particular online parenting forum, I came away feeling anxious about our children. He simply (and wisely) told me not to read it.

But sometimes the simplest advice is the hardest to take. 

A few weeks ago, another update from this group appeared in my inbox and the headline caught my attention. I’m OK now, I can handle it, I thought. And besides, It’s important for me to be informed on this issue. So I clicked. 

Big mistake.

The post, by a woman I have never met, was about a crisis in her family. And my mind began racing, a mile a minute, wondering if we were on the verge of a similar disaster. Am I missing the warning signs? What if this happens to us?

My husband shook his head and smiled, as if to say “You could have avoided all this anxiety, if only you had taken my advice!” to which I offered no argument. He then explained why he did not think we were on the verge of a family crisis, and patiently led me back to the relevant truths from God’s Word. 

The Internet age has conditioned us to think that because we can read everything, we should read everything. In fact, we think we have a kind of obligation to be “informed.” We must have “all the facts.”

But we must reexamine this “obligation to be informed” or this “right to know” from a biblical perspective. When the Corinthians tried to insist “All things are lawful for me” Paul rejoined “but not all things are helpful…I will not be dominated by anything” (1 Cor. 6:12).

So let’s hold this straight edge up against our online browsing habits:

It is “lawful” to read an online news source, but is it helpful for you? 

It is “lawful” to visit online forums or chat rooms but does it build you up in the gospel? Does it build others up in the gospel?

It is “lawful” to follow certain Twitter or Facebook feeds, but is it always helpful?

In God’s kingdom, the prize doesn’t go to the “well-informed”, the one who knows everything about everything and everyone, but rather to the one who knows the God who knows everything: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom…but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me…declares the LORD.” (Jeremiah 9:23-24 ESV)

With that in mind, less time on the Internet and more time in God’s Word seems, in what must be a massive understatement, helpful.

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Q&A: “God comes first, but then?”

Angela writes: 

I have read your posts about distractions on the Internet. You were talking about priorities. And we all know how important it is to set priorities in our lives. The gospel and God should come first, then your husband and then your children, you said. But as I am not married yet, how should my priorities list look like? Of course, God comes first, but then? 

A couple of years ago we did an extended series called “Best Deals” based on Ephesians 5:15-16:

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV)

Sometimes, as a single it is easy to feel like your time is your own. No one is banging on your bathroom door and the laundry pile doesn’t explode overnight. So why does it matter if I waste a little time online? you may wonder. But when viewed in terms of God’s kingdom, how we use our time always matters.

God’s calling for you as a single woman without kids is no less urgent or strategic than for a woman with children. We are all to walk carefully and wisely, “making the best use of our time because the days are evil.” 

Our series kicked off with a look at God’s plan for the different seasons of our lives (part one, two, three), taken from our book, Shopping for Time. Then we suggested seven “best deals” for single women, all to be lived out in the context of the local church: 

Pursue Undivided Devotion 

Become a Theologian

Help the Men

Choose Friends Carefully 

Nurture Children

Prepare To be a Wife and Mother

Be Devoted to Good Works

You can also download these posts in PDF format. 

Thank you for your question and may God give the desire of your heart to find the “best deals” for His glory!

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The (Online) Snare of Compare

If you identified with Peter in last week’s post, and find yourself tempted to sinful comparison—especially when using social media—then let me encourage you to watch (or re-watch!) Mom’s message on “The Snare of Compare” from the recent Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference. Even though I have heard this message many times now, I never tire of it. Maybe that’s because I so easily give into this temptation to compare myself to others, no matter what my season or situation in life. And so I am in constant need of our Savior’s gracious, perspective-restoring rebuke: “What is that to you? You follow me!”

The Snare of Compare (John 21:15-22) - Carolyn Mahaney from The Gospel Coalition on Vimeo.

You can also download the PDF of our series on this topic from a couple years ago.

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WSJ: “Are We All Braggarts Now?”

Last week, while we were talking about the temptation to compare ourselves to others when using Facebook or Twitter, Elizabeth Bernstein of the Wall Street Journal was examining the other side of the social media coin—the rise in online bragging and how we respond:

“Clearly, the Internet has given us a global audience for our bombast, and social media sites encourage it. We’re all expected to be perfect all the time. The result is more people carefully stage-managing their online image….

‘It’s become a phenomenon where if someone posts a status update and 500 people see it and no one objects, it must be true,’ says Jennifer Mirsky, 45, a digital content strategist in New York.

‘But could it really be that everyone else has a husband as thoughtful as the heroes of romance novels, children who combine the brilliance of Einstein with the winning charms of Shirley Temple, and jobs packed with wall-to-wall glamorous events?’ (Read More…)

As Christians, our Facebook wall should not be a boastful façade, but a true reflection of who we are in Christ. We should not present ourselves as “perfect all the time,” but as striving for holiness because our Savior was “perfect all the time.”

Instead of “stage-managing” our online image we should focus on serving others.

In other words, our Facebook feed should display humility born of the gospel.

So before you press “publish” ask yourself:

~Does this post paint a true or false picture of who I really am and what my life is like?

~Am I seeking to serve and edify, or to impress people with this tweet?

~Does this content draw attention to me, or to my Savior who has been so good to me?

Let’s not be braggarts now, or ever.

“Do nothing [on Facebook or Twitter] from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3

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“Seeing” the Followers

“Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them…When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” John 21:20-22

Long before social media, Peter was tempted to sinfully compare. He received some disturbing news about his future martyr’s death, and his gut-reaction was to “turn”—to turn away from the Savior to look at the disciple following them. Chances are this wasn’t the first time Peter was tempted to compare his lot with John’s. After all, he can’t have failed to notice before that John was “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”

But consider, if John hadn’t been following them, if Peter had been the only disciple, what would his response have been to Jesus’ announcement? John’s presence wasn’t the cause of Peter’s sin, but it sure served to expose his heart!

While John and Peter could hardly have imagined the development of Twitter and Facebook, our Savior did. Walking on the beach that post-resurrection day, He not only sought to lovingly instruct Peter, he had you and me in mind as well.

And Jesus’ rebuke to Peter is more urgent than ever. For instead of one disciple, we now have a huge crowd “following” us everywhere on our smart phone or laptop. The temptations to turn from Jesus and sinfully “see” others have multiplied a hundred-fold.

Every time we use social media we encounter people who have it better than we do (or so it seems!). And not just a few people, but many! We only have to skim our feed to observe marriages that appear stronger, children that are more lovable, women who have more friends, more talents, more money, more leisure time, more followers, more respect, more likes, more everything!

It all blurs together and soon it feels like everyone has a great life except for us. And we turn. We look away from the Savior and His call and grace and we compare our life to another disciple, or to a composite made up of a hundred others. No wonder studies show Facebook often leaves people depressed!

But our Savior, in His infinite love and wisdom, has anticipated these temptations. And he says to us, just as he did to Peter so many centuries ago, “What is that to you? You follow me!”

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Are We Connecting?

Social media is great because it allows us to “stay connected” with family and friends, right? Let’s reconsider that assumption for a moment: How much of your social media time is actually spent meaningfully connecting—and I’m talking about more than the occasional “like”—and how much time is spent merely looking at your feed? 

Our use of social media is often more passive than we realize. I’d wager to say we do lots more looking at posts and pictures and uploads than actual connecting with others. 

In this digital age, eavesdropping has gone viral. No longer is it simply the woman straining to hear the conversation at the nearby table or a coworker listening in on a phone call. Now we “listen in” on hundreds of friends, family, and friends of friends (read: strangers) around the world, no matter where we are or where they are. And this passive, detached, skimming of social media sites consumes a large percentage of our time online.

But our use of social media is also more active than we realize. While we think we are only “looking” at our feed, a whole lot more may be going on in our thoughts and hearts than we discern. For human nature is such that we almost never observe other people passively or impartially. We can’t resist bringing ourselves into the picture. In fact, we do this so automatically that we often don’t even know it’s happening.

And thus, “connecting” can quickly become sinful comparing.

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