Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies

Don't worry, we didn't forget about the Friday Funnies!

This humorous story doubles as a gentle reminder for all of us to honor God in all arenas of life--including behind the wheel!

Bumper Sticker Hypocrisy

“A police officer pulled a driver aside and asked for his license and registration. “What’s wrong, officer,” the driver asked. “I didn’t go through any red lights, and I certainly wasn’t speeding,”

“No, you weren’t,” said the officer, “but I saw you waving your fist as you swerved around the lady driving in the left lane, and I further observed your flushed and angry face as you shouted at the driver of the Hummer who cut you off, and how you pounded your steering wheel when the traffic came to a stop near the bridge.”

“Is that a crime, officer?”

“No, but when I saw the ‘Jesus loves you and so do I’ bumper sticker on the car, I figured this car had to be stolen.”

Citation: Adapted from Homiletics Magazine (May 2004); submitted by Gino Grunberg, Gig Harbor, Washington. Copyright 2005, PreachingToday.com and Christianity Today International.

"The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all" this weekend! (2 Cor. 13:14)

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

Forget those low-carb diets and check this one out instead. It's proven effective for two-year-olds everywhere!

The Toddler Diet
(from Crosswalk.com)

You folks with toddlers should relate to this one!

Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason.

After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor -- otherwise, you might have to see him afterward.

DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.

FINAL DAY
Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Have a tremendous weekend everyone,

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

This week on Friday Funnies, we want to feature an excerpt from CJ's book, Humility: True Greatness (Multnomah Publishers, 2005). My husband has always kept us laughing with his great sense of humor, and in this book he actually cites laughter as just one of many ways to grow in humility:

"Laugh often, and laugh often at yourself...Are you making the most of this divine gift? I'm very grateful that God gave me a father with an unusual gift of humor who taught me to laugh at myself (there's certainly no lack of material). Time and again laughter has provided much needed help in my ongoing battle against pride."

Here's just one story from the book--a great example of CJ laughing at himself:

"The following is a true story. Really.

A while back, someone informed me that my car's rear left tire--or was it the rear right?--was low on air. Now, in fact, I had no idea how to put air in a car tire. So I turned to a friend--a close friend, I'll have you know--and asked for his help.

In such a moment, the godly and servant-hearted response from a friend would be to cheerfully answer, 'Yes, let me help you.' Instead, my good friend exclaimed, 'I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it! You don't know how to put air in your tire?'

On and on like this he went, until he faced me squarely and added, 'You, my friend, are a moron.'

My friend was merely having fun at my expense, but the truth of the matter is that on a previous occasion I had actually tried, on my own, to put air in my car's tire. As I knelt to place the air hose on the stem--or whatever that little dealy's called where you attach the hose to the tire--the extremely loud noise that erupted was an intimidating PHHHHT! PHHHHHHT!

Then a loud ringing started: DING DING DING DING! I was suddenly consumed by an intense fear that my tire was only seconds from blowing up. It's going to explode, I told myself, and you're going to die. And at your funeral, all your friends--while wiping away tears in the midst of their mourning--will be shaking their heads and saying to themselves, 'What an idiot!'

I'm convinced that the sum effect of my attempt that day was only to let out more air than I put in. And as I drove away from the station with a badly underinflated tire, I could almost hear the faint sound of the station attendant's laughter following me home."

I want to close with one more exhortation from CJ. It sums up, probably most succinctly, the purpose of Friday Funnies:

"Laugh, really laugh. Because funny stuff is happening all around you. (Sometimes because of you.)"

Have a great and laughter-filled weekend everyone!

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

I haven't been posting much lately as my boys have been busy providing future Friday Funnies for me to share. I'm just not laughing yet. But give me a couple weeks (months?) and maybe I'll tell you about them. Let's just say paint was involved and leave it at that for now.

Here's a Friday Funny we received from one of our most encouraging readers, Cindy Campbell. As she herself points out, the theology is askew but it's a good opportunity to laugh at ourselves.

"A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.  Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The man said 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is very materialistic.  Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking.  The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific!  The concrete and steel it would take!  It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.'

The man thought about it for a long time.  Finally he said, 'Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife.  I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong," and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?'"

Have a restful weekend everyone (and especially you moms out there!)

Kristin
(for Carolyn, Nicole, and Janelle)

Friday Funnies

I came across this comical poem several years ago. Though funny, this woman's experience feels uncomfortably familiar. See if you can't relate.

"A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,
As the gutsy 'cookie thief' diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye!
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
When only one was left, she wondered what he'd do.
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought, Oh brother,
This guy has some nerve and he's also rude.
Why, he didn't even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the 'thieving ingrate.'
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise:
There were her cookies in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned with despair,
Then the others were his and he tried to share!
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!"

Valerie Cox. "The Cookie Thief," in Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul (Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1996).

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

We're signing off 'til Monday.

Warmly,
Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

When I used to edit the church bulletin, certain mischevious staff members took great delight in "planting" mistakes for me to catch. For that reason, I particularly enjoyed the following list of bulletin bloopers. It's been circulating for a couple of years now, so you may have read these already. And granted, several are a little corny. But really, some of these just have to make you smile.

1.    Ushers will eat latecomers.

2.    Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth into Joy!”

3.    Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

4.    Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.

5.    Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers.  Bring your own hot dogs and guns.  Friends are welcome.  Everyone come for a fun time.

6.    Easter Sunday, we will have a 9:30 worship service.  The 11:00 will be hell as usual.

7.    Tonight’s sermon – “What is hell?”  Come early and listen to our choir practice.

8.    Thursday night – Potluck supper – prayer & medication to follow.

9.    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

10.    For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

May the gospel, the truth that: "Christ died for the ungodly" (Rom. 5:6) bring you joy all weekend long. Courtship stories return Monday. Bye for now!

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

This week's winner comes to us from Angela Smith...

"Kaleb loves to sing; one day I overheard him singing these words(which he thought were the right words!) to the song "Father Abraham"...

Father Abraham had many sins
Many sins had Father Abraham
I am one of them and so are you
So let's just praise the Lord!

After having a good laugh, I explained to him that we are the SONS of Abraham and not his sins!"

See ya Monday, everyone!

Friday Funnies

I'm back with yet another winner from our Friday Funnies contest!  This entry comes to us from Kim Polk...

One day we were in the car and my 4yr old overheard me  telling my husband that the Salvation Army was coming tomorrow to pick up  our couch. JoJo said "Who is coming tomorrow?" I said the "Salvation  Army" and he asked "Who are they?" Not thinking how the  words Salvation Army sounded to a small child I simply said that they were  coming to get our couch because we didn't want it any more. He was  quiet for a few moments and then in a timid voice said "Will they  have guns?"

Have a great weekend, everyone.

WINNER…

This has been an incredibly difficult decision.  We had such a great time reading all of the "Friday Funnies" entries.  Narrowing this down was next to impossible, but we got it down to four winners.  We will be posting one today and the others over the next three Fridays.  Ladies, for those of you that won, we will be contacting you for your addresses and you will find your Starbucks in the mail.  To everyone else, thanks for making this contest so much fun.  I promise that it will not be the last.  I hope that you enjoy these as much as we did....

Winner #1

"Our little bro, Jared, is always saying funny things...  This story happened one Sunday in his Children's Ministry class when he was 6 years old. His teacher was talking to the class about Luke.  She was telling them that he was a physician, or a doctor.  Jared politely raised his hand & said: "Luke wasn't a doctor... he was a Jedi"!"
-Submitted by Liane & Charis Okada

Friday Funnies become Saturday Funnies

We have had a huge response to the "funny kid sayings" contest!  We were sitting down today to finally narrow it down to a winner and wouldn't you know, our internet would not work.  This led to a long time on the phone with our internet provider which eventually led to someone coming to the house to work on it.  By the time it was fixed, we all had to disband for our evening activities.  We didn't want to decide this winner quickly.  It's gonna be a pretty tough call.  Can you feel the excitement building?!?  So, we have decided to make it "Saturday Funnies" this week.  Be sure to check in tomorrow for the big winner...

Contest!

I’m back!  Still enjoying my reign as queen of the blog for a day.   I’m thinking that we need to have some kind of contest.  How about submitting the funniest thing that your child or a child that you know has ever said.  The winner will not only be posted on “Friday Funnies,” but will win a Starbucks gift certificate!  I will start the submissions…

My two most recent favorite sayings are from my 2-year-old nephew Jack: 
1.) He opened up his bible story book the other day and said “Hi God!”
2.) He was watching me do something around the house and when I finished he said, “Good job, NaNa (that’s the kids name for me), I’m proud of you.”

Your goal is to top these so that I won’t have to award myself the Starbucks gift certificate. Send us an e-mail with your submissions by clicking on the “Email Me” link on the left side-bar. This is gonna be fun!

Friday Funnies

This week's Friday Funny from our good friend Kathy T. is too long to put in a post. But you can download the file by clicking here. We recommend you wait until the kids are in bed, or you've arrived home from work or school, and enjoy this laugh with a steaming cup of hot herbal tea.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace this weekend! (Numbers 6:24-26)

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

The stereotype of "bad women drivers" has been perpetuated for years--even though it is completely unfounded. Don't you agree?

However, we recently discovered our hubands gleefully circulating the following incriminating pictures. We are officially calling for a full investigation into the authenticity of these photographs.

Women's Parking Lot:

Women Drivers:

Please drive safely this weekend!

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

This Friday Funny is lovingly dedicated to all the moms with kids in sports. (Thanks to Terry M. for letting us share this!)

About 5 1/2 years ago (1999/2000), I attended an away game at Sandy Spring for Covenant Life School's JV basketball team. Ten minutes before the game, I decided to stop by the restroom. I found the ladies room easily enough--a small but sufficient 2-stall bathroom. I entered a stall, pulled my pants down around my knees and sat down to business. That very moment, the entire Sandy Spring JV boys basketball team flooded into the restroom. What was I to do? They were using this restroom for pre-game coaching, and I was trapped. This can't be, my thoughts protested; they didn't even mark the door. Suddenly, the walls to my stall seemed short, and the basketball players even taller than usual. Looking up, I could see the backs of heads of players who had not yet turned around, looked down and detected me. Options raced through my mind. I could draw my feet up, and hope no one looked under the door. But they were taller than the door; they would look over it if curiosity prompted them. If I were dead silent, I might go unnoticed. But that sounded like an empty hope. Besides, the more time passed, the more embarrassing the discovery would be. They might think I had been planted by the opposition team to steal game strategies. These and other outrageous thoughts whirled through my head. I was being ridiculous. They'd never believe I'm a spy; I'm a soccer mom, lost and wandering through basketball season. Paramount at the moment was getting my pants up before being found. Stealthily, I snatched up and latched my jeans and emerged, startling them all. I exited, muttering parental scolding about putting a sign on the door, and knocking. I might have heard a bashful apology from one of them, but was in too much of a hurry to acknowledge it. I have no other recollection of the game, but I'm sure the Covenant Life School Cougars beat the pants off Sandy Spring!

May the grace of God be with you this weekend!

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle

Friday Funnies

This week we thought we'd poke a little fun at ourselves.

Each year on vacation we try to take a picture to chronicle the growth of our family. With three boys two and under, this is no small feat. It took three separate photo shoots (with multiple pictures per shoot) before we finally came up with a picture worth a spot on Grandma's mantle.

Given the challenge of getting five boys, our husbands, and ourselves cleaned up and looking presentable three different times, and the additional difficulty of getting all the boys happy at the same time, we weren't exactly laughing during this process. Although we did manage to smile for the camera.

Here's a picture from each shoot to give you an idea of the journey to Grandma's mantle. The final picture is the winner!

May God give you much grace, peace, and laughter this weekend!

Carolyn, Nicole, Kristin, and Janelle