Hospitality

“Hospitality Keeps Me Happiest”

Jane’s been having a tough time at work:

 
I am a third grade teacher at a Christian school, and the past month has been difficult for me in my workplace. There have been a lot of decisions made and changes implemented, many of which we do not agree with. In light of all the pressure and extra work, I've become very self-focused and had my fair share of pity parties. By the grace of God, I've become aware of my sinful attitude and have decided to view my job as a job and to be faithful with this lot by submitting to my employer because it pleases the Lord (but once I have kids, I'm out!).

 
What’s the remedy for Jane’s self-focus and self-pity?

Fellowship has become so sweet, knowing that so many have struggles and heartache far more challenging than my own - cancer, deaths of babies, unemployment... Hearing our dear pastor preach on evangelism and reading about hospitality has reminded me of how I've been lacking in this area. And so my husband and I had some of our church friends over to create an opportunity of gathering. We played cards, talked, and I cooked a homemade meal for these wonderful brothers and sisters. God sure knew that sitting at home thinking about me, myself, and I would only be a devil's playground! Just as He knew that thinking of ways to practically love the brethren and make my husband and home a priority would keep me the happiest. Isn't our sweet, loving Lord so good?

 
Hospitality brought happiness.
 
“The joy of receiving God’s hospitality decays and dies if it doesn’t flourish in our own hospitality to others,” warns John Piper. But when we practice hospitality:

 
“…we experience the refreshing joy of becoming conduits of God's hospitality rather than being self-decaying cul-de-sacs….” [W]e experience the thrill of feeling God's power conquer our fears and our stinginess and all the psychological gravity of our self-centeredness. And there are few joys, if any, greater than the joy of experiencing the liberating power of God's hospitality making us a new and radically different kind of people, who love to reflect the glory of his grace as we extend it to others in all kinds of hospitality.”

 
Are you in need of some refreshing joy today? Then follow Jane’s example and experience the thrill of hospitality.

The Unexpected Blessings of Hospitality

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2

This verse has always puzzled me: should I really suspect my dinner guests of being angels in disguise? And do I have to entertain them unawares?

If a heavenly being who spends eternal days worshiping in the presence of the Holy God is coming to dinner, I’d like to know. I don’t want them tripping over the toy helicopter the hallway or eating undercooked Chicken Kiev.

I used to play my own little version of “Who’s the Angel?”, studying the strangers who come to my house. (It’s easy to rule out the people you know—they couldn’t possibly be angels!) But is it the missionary or maybe the visitor from another country? Or do angels come disguised as the hyper toddler who bangs the piano and tracks crumbs on my carpet?

But the author of Hebrews “was not promoting hospitality on the chance that one might ‘luck out’ and get an angel” explains Kent Hughes. Our prospects are no less exciting, though: “He is assuring [us] that some of [our] visitors will prove to be true messengers of God to [us], bringing a greater blessing than they receive” (F.F. Bruce).

So often we focus on the work it takes to invite, prepare, and serve others through hospitality, and we forget to look for God at work! But our gracious Savior delights to send an extravagant “hostess gift”: His messengers!

Think about it: how many times have you been encouraged in your faith or inspired to grow in godliness by one of your guests? How often have you experienced sweet fellowship or hearty laughter or comfort and care in trial? Have you ever see the power of God at work in someone’s life or experienced His provision for you as the result of hospitality? I know I have, many times.

“Hospitality often results in unexpected blessing and reward,” Alexander Strauch reminds us. So let us not neglect hospitality, my friends, but be eager to extend God’s love to others. We never know what blessing God has in store for us!

Hospitality Incentive

Today we return to a question we’ve left hanging for a few weeks: How do we practice hospitality cheerfully instead of begrudgingly?
 
We remember the why: We practice hospitality because we have first received hospitality.

 “Grace is the hospitality of God to welcome sinners not because of their goodness but because of his glory,” explains John Piper:

“The ultimate act of hospitality was when Jesus Christ died for sinners to make everyone who believes a member of the household of God. We are no longer strangers and sojourners. We have come home to God. Everybody who trusts in Jesus finds a home in God.”

If we have trusted in Jesus, we have found a home in God. We were once strangers, alienated from God because of our sin. But through the suffering of Jesus Christ, we have been brought near to God. We are not strangers anymore.

We have received the ultimate act of hospitality! How can we not, in turn, show grace and love to others by extending hospitality to strangers?
 
When we truly understand the gospel, the amazing, undeserved love that has been shown to us, we will find a powerful incentive to show hospitality that will conquer every hindrance or reluctance. Reflecting upon Christ’s lavish hospitality will compel us to joyfully show hospitality to one another.

Our Hospitality Conversation

We were delighted to have so many of you join our “conversation” on hospitality last week. Here’s a sampling of your comments to inspire all of us to consider how God would have us practice hospitality in our season of life:
 
More creative ideas for the wife of the hesitant husband…
 
She could show hospitality by inviting other moms out to the park for a play date with a brown bag lunch. She could take another (maybe an elderly) lady out for tea and prayer at Panera. She could minister to a new mom by bringing a meal and a few hours of company. She could visit a shut-in or resident of a nursing home. She could visit a halfway house or work release facility to do Bible study with female inmates. There are so many people who cannot easily come to our homes for hospitality, but we can seek them out and have a vibrant testimony of Christ's love by pursuing hospitality wherever it is needed!
 
Meg

A hospitable wife and a no-longer-hesitant husband…
 
My husband used to be hesitant regarding hospitality, but talking it through with him, I found that he was like this because when growing up, his parents never had anyone round to their house apart from the occasional immediate relative.  I was able (with his blessing) to invite people round while he was at work, offering them a snack lunch instead of a Sunday lunch. He has now got to the stage where he is happy for us to occasionally have people round for Sunday lunch (we are up to once a month).  He has a real servant heart, so he takes all the drink orders after the meal and makes and serves them.  He is getting to really enjoy having people round and feels that he has a part in it (which of course, he certainly does--a big part!!) and is seeing that showing hospitality is good for our young children too.
 
Caroline

Single girls show family-sized hospitality…
 
I wanted to give a suggestion for hospitality for singles. We did this over the summer and it worked really well.  It can be hard sometimes to invite families over for lunch due to limited space, lack of toys for children, and money.  So a few single ladies from my church decided to pool our resources and invite families over to my friend's condo (who has space, a large field at her complex and children's toys).  We kept it simple: grilled hotdogs and ice cream sundaes.  We each made a side dish to pass.  We invited several families over so that we could get to know them and they could meet other families as well.  It ended up being a big hit.  The kids loved the food and playing with one another and the parents got adult conversation and extra hands to help the little ones.  And they got to eat their food warm! We got meet new people, reconnect with old friends, take a step towards practicing hospitality and we didn't have to do it alone.
 
Amy
 

Q&A: Hospitality and the Hesitant Husband

Q: I love having people over and find it a joy to serve and bless our family and friends.  However, my husband doesn't seem to be on the same boat when it comes to hospitality.  In fact, he would prefer that we not have people over and spend time just us as a family.  I know my first and foremost responsibility is to honor God by being submissive to my husband but how can I also serve in hospitality?
 
A: I so respect this woman’s desire to glorify God and honor her husband. Biblical submission doesn’t mean we throw up our hands and say: “oh well, my husband doesn’t want to show hospitality, I guess that’s that!” No, we must humbly, graciously, persevere in order bring about godly change in our home. If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few ideas to prayerfully consider in light of God’s Word:
 
Pray. The hearts of husbands are in God’s hands. We must ask Him to give our husband a biblical conviction and desire to show hospitality (Pr. 21:1).

Ask. We must not rush to judgment as to why our husband is hesitant about hospitality, but ask him and be sure we understand. Maybe our idea of hospitality is different from his in terms of time, frequency, number of guests, menu, etc. Or maybe he has legitimate concerns that are behind his reluctance (rest, family time, budget, etc.). Maybe fear of man or laziness are temptations that keep him from practicing hospitality: He may find it difficult to talk to other people, or maybe he doesn’t prefer lots of children messing up the home, or perhaps he thinks hospitality is too much work. He might simply be ignorant of the Scriptural commands and blessings of hospitality. So start by asking, not assuming or judging (James 4:11).

Help. In each of these scenarios we need to respond with wisdom born of love and humility. Let’s consider: As my husband’s helper, how can I make it easy for him to show hospitality? Maybe we need to be willing to practice hospitality in a way that is different than we’re used to, but serves our husband. If he prefers a small dinner instead of a big party, or would like to schedule hospitality instead of being spontaneous, let’s consider how we can adapt to him. If our husband has legitimate concerns for our family’s well being, we should take them seriously. Maybe we need to work within a certain budget, or schedule non-negotiable family times, or come up with a better plan for preparation. If we think fear or laziness is behind our husband’s hesitation, let’s think of ways we can come alongside and encourage him to grow. Maybe we can create questions to help him engage others in conversation or assure him that we’ll take full responsibility for prep and clean up. Or maybe we can ask if he’d be willing to read and study the topic of hospitality together. Hospitality Commands is a great place to start (Gen. 2:18).

Wait. If we’ve already encouraged and even appealed to our husband on this matter, but he is still resistant, it may be the time to wait. But this is a busy kind of waiting. We must actively guard against self-righteousness and bitterness. Let’s look for ways to encourage him and focus on God’s grace at work in his life. Let’s not withhold affection. And above all, we should continue to pray that the Holy Spirit would work in his heart. In the meantime, we can look for ways to practice hospitality that are agreeable to our husband such as having people over while he is at work or hanging out with friends at other locations. And wait expectantly—God is always at work! (Ps. 37:3-7a)

Trust. Ask God for wisdom to discern the time for another appeal. Maybe you can ask your husband if he is willing to meet with a godly couple in your church to talk about hospitality. But if he is still resistant after all these efforts, you must rest in God’s sovereignty. He has ordained these circumstances and He is working through them for you and your husband’s good. (Rom 8:28)
 
We hope these simple suggestions are helpful. But our ultimate hope is in the fact that the Wonderful Counselor is eager to help you. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go” he promises. “I will counsel you with my eye upon you”  (Ps. 38:8).

Hospitality Humor

I’d like to introduce you to one more of my dear friends today. Clara Boisvert is a pastor’s wife at Covenant Life Church whom I’ve known for over thirty years. In fact, as I’ve mentioned before, Clara’s wedding day is one I will never forget!

Clara is a godly, discerning woman and an exceptional wife and mother. She’s also extremely funny. No one makes me laugh quite like Clara. And I thought her humorous perspective would be a great addition to our little hospitality series. So here are some “cleaning for hospitality” thoughts from my good friend Clara. Enjoy!

CLEANING TIPS

Someone once asked me what my cleaning schedule was. Uhh… “People are coming over!” Yes, I’ve been content with a relatively orderly home without a hard and fast cleaning schedule. Being able to live with dust may be hereditary – my mom and grandma were able to tolerate a little dust, although they fussed about it. When I can write “Do not dust – test panel” on my furniture I know it’s time to take action. (Or when my dear husband starts a sneezing fit.).

When my children were small I relied on checklists when preparing for company. I listed all that needed to be done in cleaning and making refreshments and as the children matured I delegated items to them and we made it a team effort in preparing for hospitality. Occasionally my check list method would let me down, like the time I was having small group leaders into our home for a meeting. Having madly cleaned and finished food preparation, I rushed upstairs to get myself ready (always leaving my personal grooming ‘til last – not good if people show up early and find me in my bedroom slippers as happened just this past week!). I took those necessary deep breaths and was able to welcome my guests with a smile. As we were sitting in the living room having our discussion, my attention was diverted by the end table lampshade which sported a round lacey cobweb floating lazily up and down in the heat!

Then there was the one and only time my older brother stayed overnight at our home. He came down in the morning carrying the bathroom fan cover, which was packed with dust and lint. I’m sure I had done the white glove test everywhere else in that bathroom! As you can see, it’s been necessary to add a few items to my cleaning checklist.

Here are some gems of cleaning advice I’ve learned from Titus 2 ladies in my church:

1. “What you can’t see from a galloping horse, don’t worry about.”

2. “If you’re coming to see me, come right over; if you’re coming to see my house, you’ll need to make an appointment.”

My final cleaning tip is to make sure you know where you are calling. As a young single, having just moved from one state to another, I was getting established with new doctors and dentist. I called my dentist and asked for an appointment for a check-up and cleaning. The receptionist put me on hold for a while. When she came back on the line she said, “Miss, just exactly what did you mean by a ‘cleaning’?” By the time she was done asking it had dawned on me that I had called not the dentist as I intended, but the gynecologist! I’m sure I made their day!

When People Live With You

We wanted you to hear from Charlotte Ennis again--this time about long-term hospitality. Charlotte has a unique perspective on this topic as she lived with a family as a single woman, and now invites others to live with her family. So whether you are considering such an arrangement or have never though of it before, here's some advice and encouragement from Charlotte on "extended stay" hospitality:

When People Live With You

by Charlotte Ennis

My husband and I each spent several years living with families when we were single, and the experience changed our lives. There is no way we could have forseen how much God would use that time to prepare us for the years to come.

The mature Christian families we lived with invited us to watch them closely and to ask questions. We learned much from observing how they applied the gospel to marriage and parenting in all kinds of circumstances. I was privileged to live with a pastor’s family, not knowing one day I would be married to a man in ministry. How grateful I am now for the nine years I watched Betsy Ricucci serve her husband, Gary! God knew how much I would need that experience to be able to serve my husband now.

Those times were so rich that we became eager to provide similar opportunities for others. First, we hosted wonderful friends who had been invited to attend the Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastors College. Fellowship was rich but sometimes sporadic. We each started with a small child, then I had a baby, then she had a baby, then I had a baby, then she got pregnant. They gratefully moved to their own home about that time! We’ve also hosted two single international Pastor's College students, and three other single men, and have joyfully walked through courtship and marriage with every one of them. Another single man lives with us now. Most people spend two to four years here, and everyone who has lived with us seems like extended family.

Inviting people to live with you, like anything else, starts with God. You and your husband should be convinced that sharing your home this way is what God intends, and that He will provide the grace for all parties to do it. Remember, it can be just as daunting to move into someone’s home as it can be to open that home. Both sides will have adjustments to make.

Because of my husband’s ministry responsibilities, we think it wise to open our home to people who are fully involved in the church in ways a bit separate from us. When my husband is home, his primary responsibilities are his wife and children. While he loves to help counsel and care for the people who live in our home, family comes first. Our home is a place of rest, rejuvenation, and discipleship for our family, and we guard those things carefully. The people who live with us watch and benefit just as we once did, but they have friends and pastoral accountability apart from just us.

Finances are important, but it’s good to think twice before taking people in purely for financial reasons. It’s one thing if you are renting a basement apartment, and another altogether if people are sharing your living space. While the rent money helps, we try to live in such a way that we are not dependent on it. We want our motivation to be the desire to serve. We have had paying boarders and we have also welcomed those who were serving the church but were unable to pay rent. They have served us in practical ways instead, like lawn mowing and childcare.

Before people move in, take the time to discuss expectations on both sides frankly. How will food and chores be handled? Will you have private family times when your boarder is not invited? How will childcare be handled? Laundry? What about your boarder’s need for privacy? Will they be able to have friends over? When? False expectations often are a source of conflict and dealing with them quickly can help reveal God’s purposes in every situation.

We try to treat our guests as much like family as possible. We talk a lot and ask and answer questions, and pursue observations. We learn from them as they do from us. We eat together, watch movies together, and we laugh. Above all, we try to make the most of the time we have. Scripture says so much about the growth that comes from biblical fellowship and personal interaction. We don’t want to miss any of it!

Hosting Overnight Guests

I’ve got another hospitable friend I want to introduce to you: Charlotte Ennis. Charlotte is the wife of Pat Ennis, the Executive Director of Sovereign Grace Ministries, and her hospitality never ceases to amaze me. Even though she has three young children, Charlotte is often hosting people in her home—for an overnight or extended stay. And she does it with joy. Charlotte has the “show hospitality without grumbling” thing down! She doesn’t complain, but is always talking about the benefits that come from having people in her home.

I can’t come close to touching Charlotte’s joyfully hospitable example, but every time I’m around her, some of that love for hospitality rubs off on me. And I’ve asked her to share today, in case you’d like a little of her hospitality enthusiasm to rub off on you too!

I hope you enjoy this wise counsel and practical advice from Charlotte on hosting overnight guests:

(Pictured: Charlotte with her husband Pat, their three children, and a friend who used to live in their home.)

“Overnight Guests”
by Charlotte Ennis


Whew! We just said sad goodbyes to our ninth overnight visitor in ten days. Part of the privilege of my husband’s job is the opportunity to host visitors from all over the world in our home. Rarely does a month or two go by that we don’t have someone staying with us for a couple of days, a week, or even longer.

A great experience with overnight guests begins with thought and prayer. We need to be ready to serve without significant temptation, and that means anticipating the unexpected. Wedding guests may need emergency clothing alterations, help making hair appointments, and lots of maps or directions. International guests may have language difficulties, or feel lost in the new environment. Some guests need transportation. Others have dietary restrictions requiring all peanut butter or other foods to disappear from the living space for the duration of the visit. Do you have a pet? Guests need to know in advance as many people suffer pet allergies. There also may be laundry needs, computer needs, and personal needs. Prayerful preparation will help you find joy in inconvenience and grace for loving people.

We try to provide a private room for couples, single women, and older people. If a guest room isn’t available, one or more of our children move into our bedroom to free one up. Sometimes, though, there is “spillover.” Young college men have slept comfortably on couches in the basement, and kids seem fine on the floor in sleeping bags.

It will bless your guests if they have as much bathroom privacy as possible. Be especially considerate of the sexes and ages of people sharing the bathroom. Maybe your whole family can share one bathroom in order to free one up for your guests, or at least you can encourage family members to keep to a set bathroom schedule and tidy up promptly. Guests (especially those with time limitations) really appreciate being able to count on private bathroom time!

Our home is a bustling place, so as a whole it’s not often “squeaky clean”, but I try to make sure it is orderly and good-smelling when guests arrive. We want to provide a “squeaky clean” guest room and bathroom for guests, though. I wash guest room windows, vacuum or launder rugs, and dust before each guest arrives. I keep at least one extra pair of sheets always clean and ready for each bed. There are always extra hangers in the closet, unopened boxes of gentle bath soap in the bathroom, and plenty of tissues. Check the plastic shower curtains. They get really gross, so I replace ours often. I put out plenty of towels and washcloths, and replace them every few days. We provide a bedside table and lamp, a clock, and a comfortable chair for private devotions. There usually are interesting books and sometimes magazines in the room as well. I buy extra toothbrushes, sample tubes of toothpaste, and other toiletries and keep them in the medicine cabinet. They are used occasionally by grateful but forgetful guests. I even try to keep an extra box of feminine hygiene products around. Finally, I write a welcome note to first time guests inviting them to treat our home as theirs. A festive bag of Lindt truffles or other snack is a welcome treat too.

I used to bring out the best china and linens for everyone, but we’ve found over the years that most guests are more comfortable if we treat them like family. In fact, I often tell people that it actually serves me if they help themselves in the kitchen. We show them where things are, and invite them to help themselves to whatever is in the fridge. People usually relax visibly then. They may offer to help empty the dishwasher or take on other clean-up activities, too. Sometimes this means I can’t figure out where things have been put, but I’m grateful for the help, and many people seem grateful to help.

Food depends on the guest. We have had people in for conferences who don’t eat anything at our house at all, but we still make sure bagels, yogurt, and fruit are available for them in the mornings. My husband and I discuss whether I should prepare a meal, and how formal it should be. Often he grills out on our deck, laughing and talking with everyone the whole time! I keep frozen hamburgers, hot dogs, and chicken breasts always ready. It’s easy then to pick up some rolls, chips, and a veggie plate. It’s fast and the clean up is minimal. Our experience is that most people don’t expect to share all of their meals with us, and we are careful to be sure they don’t feel obligated to do so.

Like Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, “People come and go so quickly here.” It can be easy to get caught up with practical needs and miss many blessings. To make sure that doesn’t happen, we try to share as a family at least one meal, dessert, or evening conversation with our guests. One of the things I am most grateful for is that my children have sat at the table with strong, committed Christians from every major continent in the world. They have learned that Christians come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and languages, but that God is the same everywhere. They listen to mature young men and women discuss their challenges in light of the gospel. They learn from older people. These times give them a unique view of many of the things God is doing in the church at large, both in the United States and elsewhere.

Not everyone who comes here is a Christian though. Family members and friends of friends sometimes aren’t and serving them gives us opportunities to share the love of Jesus Christ. Together our family watches and listens and learns and prays.

Is it all worth it? We believe it is.

Hospitality Recipes

You sent in some yummy looking hospitality recipes (including, “Yummy Chicken”!). They haven’t endured the rigorous evaluation of the girltalk test kitchen (we’re still worn out from last year's caramel contest), but it sounds like the guests who enjoyed these dishes would give them five stars. Because of my love for my chocolate chip cookies this recipe is first on my list to try. You can download all the recipes here.

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE BALL
From http://www.easymealsformoms.com
 
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup confectioner's sugar
1/2 cup butter, softened
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3/4 cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts
3/4 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips
Chocolate or honey graham crackers for dipping
 
Directions:
In a medium bowl, beat together cream cheese and butter until smooth. Mix in confectioner's sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla. Gently stir in mini chocolate chips.
Cover and chill in the refrigerator for 2 hours.
 
Shape chilled cream cheese mixture into a ball. Wrap with plastic and chill in the refrigerator for 1 hour.
 
Roll the cheese ball in finely chopped nuts before serving. Serve with your favorite flavor of graham crackers for dipping. (I use the graham cracker sticks).

How Do You Do Hospitality?

Very well, indeed!

Once again you've answered the call. You sent us a bunch of easy-cooking, money-saving, kid-friendly and creative ideas for blessing guests. We've compiled our favorites in this file which you can download, print, and save. I know my practice of hospitality will benefit from these tips for years to come!

Your hospitality recipes are up next, but here's a sneak peek at some of our very favorite ideas from today.

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With all the HGTV and Food Network shows, I think some of us feel pressure when showing hospitality.  I know that when I am a guest, I feel loved when the hostess has taken the care to make me/us feel special.  That doesn't necessarily mean slaving all day for a Paula Deen spread.
 
 I have found that Trader Joe's has wonderful cheats for quick appetizers and desserts.  They have fresh pizza dough that can be quickly rolled out, spread with their pesto in a jar, add freshly chopped tomatoes and some grated parmesan (already grated in a tub) and you have a beautiful summer bruschetta.  Serve with cloth napkins and flavored seltzer waters or sparkling TJ lemonade and it takes less than 5 minutes to prepare.
 
I bought a round cutting board at a discount store and can quickly throw together a cheese board with 2 types of cheeses, 2 types of crackers and some grapes (use 2 colors) and maybe some strawberries.  It feels elegant, but is not work at all.
 
Their tarts and flourless chocolate cakes can be set on a stand.  Add fresh berries.  Done.
One last elegant cheat is the frozen raspberry and brie in pastry.  About $6 and can stay in the freezer ‘til needed.  You can always garnish with some mint or basil from the garden.  Or you can gather a few blooms in a tiny jar and stick in the center of your platter.
 
The idea is to keep things handy to pull out, use the semi-homemade line of thought and serve your guest without stressing (or not inviting because of the intimidation).
 
Heather

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*I went through the church directory and made a list of people I want to invite and have paired up couples with things in common...2 couples expecting their first baby, 2 couples who are new to the church, etc.

*I'm single and live alone, so at least once a week when I cook I prepare enough for about 6, take out my portion and then either parcel out servings for a few other single friends, or share the rest with a family in the church.

*I try to always keep the ingredients for a few simple meals and desserts handy so I can whip something up quickly.

Bethany

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I'm a single mom and I eally enjoy being able to be hospitable.  My son is 5 and loves to cook, so we often make a day of preparing.  I choose a recipe that needs to bake for a long time and we make it together in the early afternoon, then straighten up while we race the meal in the oven (this also works well with a dessert made in the morning).  This gives him a sense of ownership over the serving and heightens his anticipation of the evening.  It also allows time for us to discuss appropriate behavior as we make preparations--we both prepare our hearts for the time with others, including prayers for godly responses to our guests and those in authority.

There are three specific groups of people I try to invite over, and I prepare for each differently:

1) If I invite a family with children over, I ask them to come 45 minutes to an hour before the meal.  This gives the kids time to play, and me time to discuss seating and special needs for each of the children with the other mom.  I usually make a casserole or enchiladas for this--something that frees me to serve as a hostess instead of a director tied to the stove.

2) If I invite a childless couple or singles over, I usually serve dinner a little later than normal.  I specifically ask the guy (usually beforehand) if he would be willing to play with my son at airhockey or catch or some such thing before the meal--my son loves this, and is then usually more willing to engage in the conversation appropriately at dinner.  I bathe my son before they arrive and he eats in his PJs.  After dinner, he goes to bed so that Mama can have "adult time" with her friends, and while I am putting him to bed, I ask my guests to clean up the dishes or choose a game or movie (this may sound rude, but it enables us to have fellowship instead of me being on sink-duty all night).

3) If I invite the children of different families over, I do it in the afternoon or for an early dinner so their parents can have a date without getting a sitter.  The kids play together, and if it's age-appropriate, I have a cooking activity for the kids to all participate in--either a meal or a dessert for their family that they can take home with them. Bisquick Impossible pies are perfect for dinners and brownies for desserts, as they are simple and bake unattended, and we can get back to playing!  I feed them something simple, like hot dogs or pasta, that can be ready in a few minutes.  This really gives my son a chance to practice drawing others out and preferring them instead of being the "little entertainer" in a room full of accommodating adults.

Dorah

More from Julie’s House

Today Julie shares a few practical things she has learned about hospitality over the years...

Go with your strengths…

• Do you like a more formal dinner or casual? Don’t try to be what you are not comfortable with.
• Do you like to have a buffet or family style or serve a meal plated?
• Budget wise…maybe you should just have dessert.

When planning your menu…

• A simple meal served by a relaxed hostess is preferable to an elaborate meal with a worried and anxious hostess.
• Choose recipes that are equal to your cooking skill level.
• Pick one or two items to invest time into. Make the other parts of the meal less labor intensive.
• Make the food you love and everyone will love the food you make.
• Hospitality is about giving, not impressing. It creates an atmosphere that makes you want to sit, eat, drink and linger around a table for a long time
• Develop a plan or schedule, working back from when you want to eat.
• Be light hearted. If you feel anxious, your guests will not feel at peace.
• Our children are watching what having people over is like for us. Do the heart work for it to be a true joy.
• Accept that things rarely turn out the way you imagine.
• Approach meals with the thought that this is like family. People are blessed just to be in your home.
• There is a learning curve so start simple!
• The good hostess is the person who makes you feel welcome, relaxed, and part of his or her life.
• Take stock of your strengths and weaknesses. If you don’t enjoy cooking with others watching, then plan to have everything ready.
• Plan your time realistically. Making things ahead of time while leaving a few things that need to be done last minute.
• Create a check list of things to be done and your menu. There have been times when I’ve made food ahead of time, stored it and then forgotten to put it out.
• Leave yourself 15 minutes before guests arrive to clean up all the pots and pans. Starting with an empty sink makes for a peaceful start.
• Think of things that people can do to help if they ask…chopping, finishing salad, getting drinks.
• Start with your dishwasher empty.
• As far as cleaning in preparation, concentrate on the kitchen, the room where you’ll be eating, and the bathroom. People aren’t coming to inspect your cleaning skills.

Gathering supplies...

• Gradually acquire large serving pieces. I pick these up at Marshalls, T. J. Maxx, Ross for under $10.00.
• Consider purchasing plates, plastic ware, cups from Sam’s or Costco to have on hand.
• I have sought to gradually get enough dishes to serve our extended family, plus friends. It took some time and saving, but has really served us.

Well, summer is here! Let’s talk to our husbands and get some dates on the calendar. Hospitality doesn’t need to be one more thing to do. It is an opportunity to build friendships, influence your children, and bless others. There are few more relaxed ways to get acquainted than over a meal. What a joy it is to bring glory to God through this gift He has given us.

At Julie’s House

Ten years ago when I had hip replacement surgery, my dear friend Julie Kauflin offered to swap houses with me for my recovery since her home (unlike mine) had a master bedroom on the first floor. Even though I didn’t take her up on her offer, it’s a perfect example of Julie’s heart for hospitality.

Julie loves having people in her home: whether a couple or a large group of people, whether planned or spontaneous, for a short stay or a long visit. She’s a warm and creative hostess who makes it seem effortless—even though you know she’s invested much time and effort to make you feel welcome. Julie embodies that well-known Spanish saying: “Mi casa es su casa.”

Earlier this summer, Julie wrote some thoughts on “Intentional Hospitality” for a group of pastors’ wives. Her heart to serve and practical ideas were so encouraging that I asked permission to share them with our girltalk readers and she graciously agreed. So, without further ado, let me turn it over to my good friend, Julie.

"Intentional Hospitality"
 
by Julie Kauflin
 
Ah Summer… longer days, freer schedule, no school…it’s time to fire up the grill, have some folks over, and enjoy sitting out on the deck. I love summer! Can you tell? But if you’re like me, the summer can slip by in spite of all my best intentions. Please join me as I make some intentional plans, and exercise my desire with actual hospitality.
 
First things first, let’s talk to our husband about our desire to have some folks over.
 
“What days can you see this working?”
 
“How often would you have faith for having people over?”
 
“I’ll try to stay within the budget, but could we possibly find any money that we could add?”
 
He says maybe 2 times a month. Perfect…I have faith for that! I’ve realized that it helps me to include people in what is already in place. So, with our extended family coming over every Sunday…let’s start with adding people in to that mix. I’m already cooking, so let’s add a few more! We get the word out to singles, “come on over around 2:00.” It has been so much fun, we’ve built relationships, offered counsel and given the lonely a place where they feel part of a family.
 
Sundays I typically plan for 12 to 16 people. Since I get home from church later…I do some prep on Saturday, dessert and salad, marinate the chicken. Then I plan something quick and easy.
 
Some quick and easy meals have been:
 
Casseroles in the oven on time bake.
 
Chicken on the grill. (Lots of different marinades to try, or toppings for the chicken brings variety and flavor.)
 
Shish kabob
 
Hamburgers
 
Crock pot barbeque.
 
I’ve started planning on having appetizers out as I’m cooking. This has really helped people feel relaxed and welcome right from the start. Nothing fancy…chips and salsa, artichoke dip from Sam’s. We always have a cheese plate with crackers. I walk in from the meeting…start the grill and grill chicken. My girls start setting things out, set the table, and begin offering drinks.
 
The other times that seem to work for us are Friday nights. These will be more specific. We know we have the slot, so we keep our eyes and ears open for people we don’t know or people we want to deepen our friendship with. Maybe just a couple or a family.  With a smaller gathering I feel more freedom to make some dishes that may be new or more labor intensive. I love to cook, so any chance to do something new is an adventure for me. Also with a smaller group we can really invest in this relationship, drawing them out and finding out about them.
 
Hospitality has been one of the biggest blessings our family enjoys. It has been so rewarding to see our family chip in, in a relaxed, unhurried fashion to prepare for having people in our home. Now I get the joy of seeing my married daughters and sons have a heart that welcomes others in to their homes, with joy.
 
[More from Julie later this week…]
 

Hospitality Choreography

There is an interesting little phrase tacked on to the command to show hospitality in 1 Peter 4:9. We’re to do it “without grumbling.”
 
I find this rather humorous. It’s as if Peter knew this was going to be a temptation for us and so he put that little modifier in there. He ups the ante on us. It’s not enough to do hospitality—we must do it without grumbling. We must do it cheerfully.
 
This hits close to home for me. Especially during the exhausting “Three Hours Before Small Group Meeting” choreography: Dinner has to be made and served, dishes cleared and washed, kids fed, read to and in bed, foundation applied to the dark circles under my eyes and perfume sprayed to mask clingy household smells, coffee made, snacks laid out, bathroom wiped clean (almost forgot!), ice bucket filled and—whew!—smile ready when the first person walks through the door fifteen minutes early.
 
(All show times begin at 4:15—on good days. Tickets are free if you promise to help.)
 
The minute everything is ready and people walk through the door, they see my smiling face. What they don’t see is that I’ve spent the last three hours fretful, complaining, and anxious. But my family sees. And God sees.
 
News flash: Hospitality is work! It requires sacrifice of time, energy, and even finances. So how do we practice hospitality cheerfully instead of begrudgingly?
 
We remember the why.
 
More on this next week. In the meantime, keep the great recipes and ideas coming!

How Do You Do Hospitality?

"Show hospitality.” 1 Peter 4:9

In addition to the what and the who, Scripture tells us how to practice hospitality. First off, we’re to show hospitality intentionally. To “show hospitality” is to make vigorous effort. We are to pursue or strive after hospitality.

This eliminates the, “I’ll do it when I feel like it,” “I’ll do it when it is convenient,” and “I’ll do it when I have to” approaches to hospitality—all of which I’ve tried. No, we’re to go after hospitality like a dog hunting a bone. We’re to sniff out opportunities and seize upon them.

If you’re like me and spontaneity is a mild form of torture, (somewhere just below water-boarding), then scheduling hospitality can help you be intentional. Every month, my husband and I sit down with our calendars and lists of folks we’d like to have over, and plan a few months in advance.

But we can also plan to be spontaneous: one woman in my church has a meal prepared before the Sunday meeting so they can invite someone to join them for lunch. And of course, if you are one of those women who love the last minute, late-staying guest, then invite away!

Second, we’re to practice hospitality wisely. “The wisest of women builds her house,” it says in Proverbs 14:1; and she “looks well to the ways of her household” it echoes in Proverbs 31:27.

Here’s where you come in! We want to glean from your hospitality wisdom. So, please contact us this week and tell us:

1. Your favorite hospitality recipes. Maybe they are easy, make ahead, budget friendly, or good for a crowd. Or maybe you have a special meal or dessert that your guests have really enjoyed. Share your hospitality-tested recipes with all of us!

2. Your favorite hospitality tips. These can be menu ideas, party themes, or game suggestions. We'd love tips for doing hospitality with kids or on a tight budget. And we'd love to know how you schedule and prepare for hospitality. Please pass on what you've learned from experience or from other hospitable women.

We’ll compile the best recipes and ideas and post them next week so we can all learn from each other how to practice hospitality more intentionally and wisely.

Living Room Evangelism

At our church’s women’s meeting on hospitality a young woman shared a powerful testimony of her mom’s example of hospitality. It is a perfect illustration of John Piper’s quote from yesterday: “Never underestimate the power of your living room as a launching pad for new life and hope and ministry and mission.” May we all be inspired by this woman’s example:

For as long as I can remember, my parents have made hospitality an integral part of our family life.  Though my mom has used her home countless times to serve, bless, and welcome relatives and church members, God has recently used her hospitality in evangelism.

Last year, my mom started to befriend my neighbor,  (I’ll call her Sue) meeting her for coffee and starting to build a relationship.  When my neighbor tragically lost her husband, my parents invited her over for dinner every Wednesday night as a way to offer comfort and support.  In order to make our home a place where Sue felt loved and accepted, my mom purposely did nothing out of the ordinary.  She didn’t scrub the kitchen floor or prepare a five-course meal or even dress up.  She just invited Sue into our family.  In order to make Sue feel accepted, my mom incorporated her into our everyday traditions.  In our family, everyone has their own napkin ring so that we all know exactly where to sit at the table; so, on Sue’s first night over, my mom got out a new napkin ring and handed it to her, telling her that it was her napkin ring now and that we would look forward to her coming every week.  A couple of months later, Sue shared with us how much that simple gesture had meant to her, and that she truly felt part of our family.

Using hospitality in evangelism not only makes your friend part of your family, it also, by God’s grace, demonstrates the gospel in action.  From the way my mom cheerfully greets my dad when he walks in the door, to the way my dad gently corrects us, to the way we do our chores without being asked, our everyday actions prove the power of the gospel.  When Sue wonders how my mom and dad became such wonderful parents, or how they have such a healthy relationship, my mom has the opportunity to tell her why.  Three-fourths of the time their conversations aren’t about the gospel at all; they just talk about life.  But while my parents don’t avoid the gospel, they certainly don’t force it either.  Rather, they feel that God has more room to work with a firm basis of friendship and trust.

Personally, I really appreciate the way my mom has incorporated our entire family in hospitality.  Wednesday nights aren’t a one-woman-show; she’s purposefully includes all of us.  Actually, she began integrating us years ago when she trained us to help around the house, to have meaningful conversations with adults, and to welcome others into our family.  When my mom first started teaching me to wash the dishes and make my bed, I could never have imagined that God would one day use my chores as a witness to the gospel.  But Sue finds it amazing that my brother and I cheerfully start clearing the table without being asked.  Evangelism has brought an eternal perspective to my everyday life reminding me that, when the gospel starts working, ordinary life becomes amazing.

When I look at my mom’s life and the way God is using her to reach the lost, I’m struck by her faithfulness to obey God’s commands, even when it didn’t seem so important.  The way my mom uses her hospitality to evangelize began over twenty years ago, as she learned to cook, trained us to do our chores, and began practicing hospitality within the church.  Now God is using those gifts, not just to bless Sue, but also her accountant.  ‘Her accountant?’ You ask?  The Wednesday before Christmas, Sue brought us a tin of peanuts from her accountant, explaining that once she had mentioned our Wednesday dinners to him and that now he always asks about us and our time together and wanted to give us a gift.  I think it’s a reminder from God that the effects of our hospitality aren’t confined to our home.  All of the little things you’re doing today: changing diapers, correcting math tests, cooking dinner after dinner; they all have an eternal effect.

We no longer see Sue every Wednesday, but dinners with her have become normal: last week we ate diet chicken as we sorted out our schedule for the week.  But these dinners, they mean a lot to Sue because they show her that someone cares about her.  Our entire family is looking forward to the day when Sue understands that God is the One who cares for her and who makes our care for her possible.

If my mom were here tonight, she’d want you to know that none of this is her doing.  It’s all because of God, and it’s all for his glory.   He brought Sue into our lives, He led us to extend hospitality to her, and He is using it all to show His love for her.