Modesty

Fashion Advice from John Calvin

With the changing of the seasons come the new fall fashions. As we stand in front of the dressing room mirror or our closet at home, John Calvin, the great reformer, has two questions for us. In short, he wonders, what do our clothes say about our relationship to God?

“Where is our gratefulness toward God for our clothing if in the sumptuousness of our apparel we both admire ourselves and despise others, if with its elegance and glitter we prepare ourselves for shameless conduct?”

and

“Where is our recognition of God if our minds be fixed upon the splendor of our apparel? For many so enslave all their senses to delights that the mind lies overwhelmed.” (HT: Justin Taylor)

If other words, what brazen ungratefulness is expressed if we proudly admire ourselves for the clothing God has provided, if we dress to attract the attention and admiration of others instead of drawing their attention to God, and worst of all, if we dress to “allure men sexually?” What kind of “thank you” is this to God for His good gift of attractive, comfortable, and warm clothing?

And how can our minds be fixed upon the goodness and the glory of God if they are consumed with thoughts of what we wear? If we are preoccupied with the latest fashions, which (like the grass) will be here today and gone tomorrow, how can we worship and love the eternal Savior with all our minds?

Sobering questions as we consider fall fashions. I am convicted.

More on Modesty

Today on Dad's blog you will find:

(1) an index to his recent modesty series

(2) discussion questions to go along with the series

(3) a downloadable PDF of the chapter where these posts originated ("God, My Heart, and Clothes")

(4) and (YEAH!) a 35 percent pre-order discount for the book Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World (thanks to our friends at Crossway!).

A Modest Reminder

I know we've already mentioned modesty once this spring, but it bears repeating. The fashion industry and our "porn positive" culture certainly doesn't hesitate to push immodesty on us day after day, and so we must cling tenaciously to the gospel-promoting virtues of modesty and self-control.

To help us put on these virtues this fashion season, Dad has posted the first in a seven part series on "Modesty: God, My Heart, and Clothes." These are excerpts from his chapter in a new book Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World due out in September. (More on this book in the days to come!)

Even if you think you've already "heard it all," follow along this week as he examines the qualities of a godly woman's dress that are always in style.

Spring Fashion

Spring is here, and the trees outside my bedroom window (I really have no idea what kind they are!) are in full bloom. Inside the local shopping mall, stores are stocked with the latest fashions. That means it is time for the annual girltalk public service encouragement to strive to dress modestly this season.

Why is this so important? Check out our "Fashion and Following the Savior" series (part one, two and three) for a biblical refresher course.

Our Modesty Heart Check can also be a helpful tool to take shopping or reevaluate your wardrobe.

And you might find something cute and modest at one of these two websites: DownEast Basics and Christa-Taylor.

Happy Spring Shopping!

PMS Prep

We know they’re coming (most of the time, anyway): PMS, morning sickness, postpartum depression, menopause. Yet these predictable, physical trials of a woman’s life still tend to catch us off guard. When they show up, we feel like we’ve been hit from behind and struggle to keep steady amidst physical and emotional challenges.

Last week, my girls and I spent an evening answering questions from the wives of the men in the Sovereign Grace Pastors College. We had a blast with these sweet ladies. The final question was from a woman who was pregnant again and dreading the inevitable postpartum feelings of sadness she knew would follow the birth of her baby. She humbly asked for counsel. How could she glorify God and serve her family in this difficult season?

This wise woman understood the truth of Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent [woman] sees danger and hides [herself], but the simple [women] go on and suffer for it.” She saw danger ahead and by seeking counsel, she was running to hide herself from it.

For the next few days we’re going to talk about some of the ways we can all prepare for the “dangers” of postpartum depression, PMS, or other physical difficulties. So no matter what time of the month it is for you, we hope you’ll join us for a little “PMS Prep.” You know it’s coming. But take heart: God’s grace is already here to help us prepare to glorify Him and serve others. Let’s consider how. 

Spring Fashions

The warm weather rouses us to clean and organize; but it also launches the spring fashion season. As we pack away the sweaters and pull out the t-shirts, we’ve got to consider more than style. We must evaluate, and each year, reevaluate whether or not our clothes our modest.

Styles are constantly revolving, but sadly, modesty never seems to top the agenda for fashion designers. As Christian women, though, modesty is not an option. In 1 Timothy 2:9 we’re instructed to: “adorn [ourselves] in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control.”

Recently, Crosswalk.com serialized posts we wrote on this verse collectively entitled: “Fashion and Following the Savior.” You can read parts one, two and three, as well as modesty testimonies and links, and thoughts on wedding attire at the modesty section on our blog. And to help you reevaluate your wardrobe, we hope the Modesty Heart Check we’ve compiled comes in handy.

Happy Spring everyone! May the clothes we wear be pleasing to God this season!

Day Two Link

Welcome to our second stop on our trip around the web this week!

Several weeks ago I told you about the “Modesty Survey” that Brett and Alex Harris were conducting at The Rebelution. Well, they just contacted us to let us know that the results are in. Amazing results at that! To quote Brett and Alex, “The release of 'The Modesty Survey' has resulted in our website receiving over 1.2 million page views in the past five days from over 60,000 unique visitors.” They also informed us that my dad’s message, “The Soul of Modesty,” has been downloaded off their site by over 2,000 families. Do I really need to say anything else? You don’t want to miss this stop!

This is an important topic for all of us to consider, especially with spring shopping right around the corner. Moms, this would be a great tool for you to use in discussing the importance of modesty with your daughters. Let’s take advantage of this opportunity to grow in our pursuit of honoring the Lord in what we wear. Click here to check it out.

Brett and Alex, thank you for all of the time and effort that you have put into this survey. You have served us all big time!

Mohler on Wedding Modesty

On his radio show yesterday, the ever-courageous Dr. Al Mohler took on the issue of modesty in weddings. With the help of his wife, Mary, Dr.Mohler encouraged women to dress in a God-honoring way, and exhorted churches to give more attention to the appropriate way to celebrate the wedding ceremony as a service of worship. He and Mary graciously answered caller's questions in a thought-provoking and Christ-honoring manner. We thank God for this couple and their commitment to the virtue of modesty in the church. We hope you'll listen to this insightful program today. (To review our review our recent series on the heart behind modest dress, click here.)

Before we move on…

...we want to recommend two resources for further study on this crucial topic of modesty:

1. "The Soul of Modesty" by CJ Mahaney -- this sermon was the basis for our "Fashion and Following the Savior" series. As usual, Dad says it better than we can. So listen to it for yourself.

2. The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear? by Nancy Leigh DeMoss -- this little booklet is a wonderful tool to help you study God's Word on this topic. It's full of quotes, charts, and discussion questions.

Fashion and Following the Savior, Pt. 7

Well, it’s time to conclude our two-week discussion on “Fashion and Following the Savior.” Your enthusiastic response to this generally unpopular topic is reflective of your love for Christ. So far, we’ve talked about the attitude of the modest woman and the appearance of the modest woman. Today we come to our final point: the allegiance of the modest woman.

This final point gets to the question of why do we make such a big deal about modesty? Is it because we’re conservative or moral people? Is it because we have personal preferences about how women should dress?

No. The reason is the gospel. Modesty is important because of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

That is why Paul is concerned about modesty and that is why we should be concerned about modesty as well. For when we take a broader look at 1 Timothy 2, we discover that these instructions about women’s dress are set in the context of the gospel.

1 Timothy 2:3-6 says,

“This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.”

The gospel message is our motivation for modest dress. As my dad explains: “The woman who loves the Savior avoids immodesty because she doesn’t want to distract from or reflect poorly upon the gospel.” John Stott puts it like this: “Paul’s over-riding concern was that the way Christians deported themselves would not detract from but enhance their gospel mission.”

We have a gospel mission: not only to preach Christ, but to live in a way consistent with our profession of faith. For how can we preach the good news of the transforming work of our Savior if our dress does not reflect His power at work in us?

May there be no contradiction between our gospel message and the clothes we wear. And may our modest dress be a witness to the One who gave Himself as a ransom for all.

That is the big deal about modesty.

Jenni’s Story

We’ve done a lot of teaching on modesty over the last two weeks, and we thought now might be a good time to post the story of how one woman—Jenni Smith—<came to wrestle with this issue. I’ve known Jenni for almost three years now, and I can say from personal experience that she lives out the words expressed in her testimony (given at our church several years ago). I’m sure you will be inspired by her example!

"Prior to a year ago, 'modesty' was a foreign word to me. I viewed dressing modestly as an out of style, frumpy, and nerdy fashion. Having been a Christian for six years, I had not been made aware of how and what ways Scripture addresses this issue. My nick-name amongst my Christian friends was accurately termed, 'Scantly.'  In choosing what to wear, I only thought of what would best serve me. What would bring the most attention my way, what would most flatter me (in the world’s terms), and what would best compare to what magazines, models, and other women I saw were wearing. The desire rooted deep within my heart was a craving to be accepted and exalted. I enjoyed my attire, the undue attention I received and the way it stimulated my feelings. My motives for the way I dressed were to promote self, not promote Jesus Christ. 

An individual graciously confronted me concerning my outward appearance. As they shared their concern and listed specific articles of clothing that drew attention to my body, I was sobered. Lord, is it pride that motivates the way I dress? Does what I wear actually cause my brothers to stumble? Do I bring reproach to your name? I immediately acknowledged my desperation before God and began to plead for His mercy and grace to reveal the sin within my heart and assist me to change.

I began to study God’s Word, read material addressing this issue, and listen to CJ Mahaney’s teaching on 'The Soul of Modesty.' By the grace of God, there was no resistance in my heart but a passion to change. God illuminated the simple fact that it is my heart that dictates my appearance and wardrobe. I was faced with the question: 'What statement do my clothes make concerning my heart?' The pride and ambition to exalt self was made very clear.

I began to understand the heart and soul of modesty. Modesty is humility expressed in dress, a desire to serve others, neither promoting nor provoking sensuality or lust. It is rooted in a desire to lose any and all consideration of self and live hidden behind the cross of Christ. I became more and more aware that my dress was not an outward expression of the gospel, or humility. I began by aggressively examining my wardrobe.

My husband Jon and I spent a lengthy period of time examining every article of clothing, prayerfully considering which pieces were inappropriate. By the end of the examination my wardrobe had considerably diminished. To be honest, this has not been easy. Even though it has been a year since cleaning out my closet, there have still been many moments where I have struggled picking out my outfit for the day, being dissatisfied with my limited wardrobe. It has been crucial for me to question my motives morning after morning, helping me to see that what is most attractive is my desire to please God and not my outward appearance.

It is something that I must daily fight--to flee worldly desires and pursue godliness in this area. This requires daily application and frequent reminders. I have had the 'Modesty Heart Check' posted inside the bathroom vanity so that it can serve as a reminder every morning before I leave the house. I have identified specific areas where I am uniquely tempted and then spent time purposing how I need to change. And when I purchase clothing, I always show my husband Jon to be sure that it is modest.

Dressing modestly blesses my husband because it is a way that I can save myself and my body for him alone. And it also serves the other men around me by helping to guard their hearts against temptation. By pursuing modesty in spirit as well as in dress, I can bring glory to Christ and further the gospel."

Modesty on Your Wedding Day

Last September, when CJ and I had the privilege of going to The Bible Church of Little Rock, CJ spoke on the topic of modesty. At the conclusion of my husband’s sermon, the church’s worship pastor, Todd Murray, presented an additional appeal in his closing remarks. He urged all girls to consider modesty even when shopping for formal attire and wedding dresses. His words were laden with care and compassion, yet they carried an appropriate soberness. We felt Todd’s exhortation was too important to be heard only by the girls of his church, so we asked if we could post his words here at girltalk. He graciously agreed. Let’s listen in and be challenged by one pastor’s heart and plea to the women of his church:

Ladies, please don’t forget to apply these principles of modesty to formal events and weddings.  In recent years, I have become increasingly grieved by the immodest dresses of both brides and bridesmaids at the weddings that I officiate.  I have observed a number of young ladies in our fellowship who have dressed modestly all their lives appearing on their wedding day in extremely provocative dresses, exposing more of themselves than on any other day of their lives.

I assume the best about what is going on in the hearts of these young women. I don’t think that they went to the wedding dress shop determined to be provocative.  No doubt, they just wanted a dress that would be elegant on this day that they have dreamed of all their lives.  When a bride and mother set out on their expedition to find a wedding dress, they are, quite naturally, thinking like… women! Unfortunately, there is no one in the shop who is thinking like a man! I’d like to make a radical proposal, girls. Why not take your father with you to the wedding boutique?  If that thought is just too much for you (or your Dad!) at least consider taking the dress out on approval and allowing your dad to see it before you make your final purchase.

Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself when shopping for a wedding or bridesmaid’s dress:

Does this dress reflect the fact that a wedding ceremony is a holy service of worship and not a fashion show?

Can I picture myself standing in this dress, for an extended period of time, just a few feet from my pastor as he opens the Word of God and leads me in my solemn vows?

Pastor Todd Murray isn’t the only one concerned about immodesty at weddings. I know the pastors of my church share this concern as well.

Having three married daughters, I know the challenges involved in finding modest wedding attire. However, with a lot of time and effort, it can be done! As Todd mentioned, the dad’s role is crucial in this process. CJ helped our girls by providing guidelines for appropriate bridal wear and giving final approval to their choices. Quite simply, the standard of modesty and self-control didn’t change. Here are some criteria CJ gave to the girls:

1.    Find a wedding dress with a neckline that completely conceals any cleavage.
2.    Avoid dresses without sufficient covering in the back.
3.    Strapless gowns or dresses with only spaghetti straps are revealing and thus do not  serve the men in attendance at your wedding.
4.    A modest gown should not be excessively tight and draw unnecessary attention to your figure.

Once again, we hope these specifics assist you in evaluating modest bridal and evening attire. However, please be on guard against the temptation to be self-righteous toward those who choose differently. If you think a bride is dressed immodestly, her wedding day is not the appropriate occasion to comment on her dress! Simply rejoice with her in the goodness of God displayed in her marriage.

And if you are preparing to get married, we hope these thoughts serve you in your effort to plan a ceremony that brings glory to God. May He give you much joy on that special day!

A Candle Among Straw

I want to add a quote to the young men’s thoughts from yesterday. Richard Baxter (writing 400 years ago) had this advice for how we as women should relate to men in the area of our dress:

“And though it be their sin and vanity that is the cause [of lust], it is nevertheless your sin to be the unnecessary occasion…You must not lay a stumbling-block in their way, nor blow up the fire of their lust…You must walk among sinful persons as you would do with a candle among straw or gunpowder; or else you may see the flame which you did not foresee, when it is too late to quench it.” (qtd in The Look by Nancy Leigh DeMoss)

Let’s walk among sinful men in a manner that seeks to protect them from temptation. Let’s serve our brothers through modest clothing.

Fashion and Following the Savior, Pt. 6

Last week, we began our series from 1 Timothy 2:9-10 by considering the attitude behind the clothes we wear. Fashion that honors God comes from a heart of “modesty and self-control,” and modesty is humility expressed in dress.

As for the appearance of the modest woman, we learned that she is to “adorn [herself] with respectable apparel.” Not that it is wrong to look attractive! We learned that the essence of our desire to beautify actually comes from God. However, seductive, ostentatious dress is dishonoring to our Savior.

Today, we continue to focus on the appearance of the modest woman and one reason why it is so significant: it protects our brothers in Christ from temptation and sin. As my sister Nicole wrote in the book Girl Talk,

“Women are sometimes ignorant of the effect of their bodies on the eyes and hearts of men. But, for the most part, if we’re honest, we’ll admit that we know exactly what we’re doing. We enjoy the attention of guys. As a pastor-friend of ours once remarked, ‘Guys lust and girls want to be lusted after.’”

To instruct all those who might be ignorant, and to remind the rest of us, I want you to hear from the guys themselves. Here are two young men sharing their struggle with lust. Let’s call them “Kevin” and “Jack.” I know they speak for the majority of godly men today.

Kevin:
“Each and every day is a battle—a battle against my sin, a battle against temptation, a battle against my depraved mind. Every morning I have to cry out for mercy, strength, and a renewed conviction to flee youthful lusts. The Spirit is faithful to bring me the renewal I need to prepare me to do war against my sin, yet the temptation still exists.

Sometimes, when I see a girl provocatively dressed, I’ll say to myself, ‘She probably doesn’t know that a hundred and one guys are going to devour her in their minds today. But then again, maybe she does.’ To be honest, I don’t know the truth—the truth of why she chooses to dress the way she does. All I know is that the way she presents herself to the world is bait for my sinful mind to latch onto and I need to avoid it at all costs.

For the most part, the church serves as a sanctuary from the continual barrage of temptation towards sin. However, the church’s members are not free from sin yet, and there are girls both ignorant and knowledgeable of men’s sinful tendencies. I must confess that even church can have several mines scattered about.”

Jack:
“The one place where I might think I wouldn’t have to face as much temptation is at church, but this is not always the case. When ladies whom I’m friends with dress immodestly, it definitely has a negative effect on our friendship. When a woman dresses immodestly it makes it difficult to see her as a sister in Christ. There is a constant battle going on as I’m talking with her. Communication becomes more difficult as I’m trying to listen to her, because I’m trying to fight temptation.”

Here’s what these young men say about women who do dress modestly. Hear the appreciation in their words:

Jack:
“I am so grateful for the friendships that God has given me with the ladies in my church. I am so appreciative of the sacrifices that these ladies make to glorify God and to serve and care for the guys.  I heard of one girl who went shopping and really liked the shirt she was trying on. But then she thought, ‘No, I can’t do this to the guys.’ That was the first time I had ever heard of anything like that and it made me so grateful. It is such a blessing to have friends who care for me enough to be selfless and sacrifice what might look attractive in order to help me and other guys with sexual lust. When ladies dress modestly, it’s attractive and makes me want to hang out with them more. I think modesty is so attractive in friendships because it makes it easier for a friendship to be centered around God and for fellowship to be unhindered.”

Kevin:
“To the girls who don’t follow the pattern of the world: thank you a million times over. You are following Scripture’s commands and helping your brothers in the process. Despite all that godly men are doing to defeat the sin of lust, they still need help, and they need you to provide it.”

The appeals of these young men striving for holiness pierce my heart in a unique way. Perhaps it’s because I’m the mother of three young boys—boys who will become men someday and will undoubtedly face the same temptation to lust.

So, ladies, let’s take to heart the temptations and pleas for help from Jack and Kevin--to serve the men today, and the young boys who will become men tomorrow.

Fashion and Following the Savior, Pt. 5

In 1 Timothy 2:9, Paul insists that the women “adorn themselves with respectable apparel” and not with gold, pearls or braids. Yesterday, we learned that he was not forbidding stylish clothing or banning jewelry. So what was Paul getting at?

To the women of this first century church, Paul writes to warn them against imitating the dress and adornment of the ladies of the Roman court and the prostitutes. These women were known for their extremely expensive, showy clothes and ridiculously elaborate hairstyles. They dressed, not only to attract attention, but to seduce as well. Paul does not want the women of the church to dress in this manner and thus be a distraction during the church service, or at any other time.

What he is condemning is not attractive attire, but the association with worldly and ungodly values. Women who profess godliness, he says, should not dress in such a way that resembles those who are extravagant, or worse, intent on being seductive or sexy. Simply put, we are not to identify with our sinful, worldly culture through our dress.

So, the question for us is this: Who are we seeking to imitate or be like in our dress? Who inspires our wardrobe? Are we preoccupied with looking like the latest American Idol winner or the actresses and music stars on magazine covers, or the immodest woman next door?

A while back, I saw a few minutes of one of the innumerable makeover stories on television (I’m surprised we haven’t all been “made over” by now!). Two women were going to receive a new look. One of them wanted to look exactly like Jennifer Anniston, and the other like Jennifer Garner as I recall. These two ladies (who, I’m sorry to say, didn’t look a bit like the actresses they so admired) were just gushing about how much they admired everything about these glamorous stars—their style, their way of walking, their clothing, their hair. It might have been comical if it wasn’t so sad.

Most of us are not trying to look exactly like a famous actress—we know it’s a lost cause! However, if we are seeking to imitate the sexually enticing clothing of the women in our culture, we are no different than these two wannabes. That is why Paul’s message is urgent—not just for the original recipients of his letter, but for us today. He doesn’t want the women in the church looking exactly like the ungodly, seductive women in the world.

Women in the church are to be different from the world. We should be stand-outs—not because of our revealing clothing, but because of our distinctly modest heart and dress.

More discussion of 1 Timothy 2:9-10 coming your way next week!