Motherhood

Monsters Under the Bed

My three-year-old Caly often wakes up screaming in the dead of night. Jolted out of sleep, I run to her room as fast as I can only to be greeted with the same two words: “I’m scared.”
 
“What are you scared of Caly-girl?” I ask
 
“I’m just scared,” she whimpers.
 
A few hugs and kisses and she’s happy to be tucked back in to bed.
 
Well do I remember my own night-time fears as a child. Just ask me about my lobster dream sometime. It still gives me shivers.
 
So how do we help our small children deal with middle-of-the night fears?
 
Dr. Russell Moore—himself a father of small children—recently offered this insightful answer:
 
“The kids know—they instinctively know—that they're living in a universe in which something's gone awry. It's not our job—as parents, or as Sunday school teachers—to disengage that. It's our job to come in and to provide an answer to that. Yeah, you're living in an enchanted world. Yeah, you're living in a haunted world. You're living in a world haunted by demonic powers. That's exactly right—what you deeply fear is indeed the case... Your worrying about the monster under the bed isn't unreasonable; there's a monster under the fabric of the cosmos. Instead, we give them a story that provides the only comfort that really is lasting comfort; it's a comfort that the enemies have been defeated."

I am going to add a few words to my middle of the night hugs and kisses routine. Yes, Caly-girl, we live in a scary world, but we don’t need to be afraid. The monster has been crushed. And the One who crushed him, He’s right here in this room.

HT: Between Two Worlds

--from the archives

Motherly Greatness

“The mother is the hub of the home, holding all the spokes in place. Without her being at her post, the family spins out of control and falls apart.” Mark Chanski

When school starts, do you find that it gets more difficult to “hold all the spokes in place”? I sure do.

On a typical day I must get my son, Andrew, out the door for school (with homework, lunch and back-pack), clean up from breakfast, homeschool my two younger boys, pay the bills, drive to an afternoon activity, get home in time to meet Andrew and help him with homework, prepare dinner for my family and a guest, do dishes, catch up on laundry and finally clean up my house which looks like it has been visited by a tornado.

Just another ordinary day in the life of a mom. But so often, I go through these ordinary days far more aware of what I am giving than whom I am serving.

I need my gaze lifted beyond my daily duties to my eternal mission as a mother. In his book, Womanly Dominion, Mr. Chanski brings us encouragement right where we need it:

“There she sits exhausted on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands, wondering, “Where's the glory in this?”

She needs something more empowering to keep her going.

She needs to gain and maintain the deep conviction of the glory, honor, and nobility of selfless service. This she finds at the foot of the cross, looking up to the One who earned for Himself “the name which is above every name” (Philippians 2:9), by “emptying Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant” (2:7), humbling “Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (2:8). There she beholds her Savior who mopped up the damning vomit of her own sin with the precious sponge of His perfect life and atoning death. The love of Christ constrains and compels her to press on (2 Corinthians 5:14). The Spirit of Christ empowers her” (pp. 120-121, emphasis mine).

Are you having a hard time being “the hub” today? Then "fix your eyes on Jesus” (Heb. 12:2-3), ask Him for help and strength, and thank Him for the honor of being a mother.

--from the archives

Time to Come

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7

These verses describe the stuff of sowing. We must talk to our children every day, instruct them throughout the day, teach them in every circumstance, train them on every occasion, tell them God’s words over and over again. 

Sowing can be hard work. Sometimes exhausting work. We moms can wonder: Is anything getting through? Will this child ever get it? We may feel our words are falling on deaf ears; that our efforts are in vain.

Oh, but let’s keep reading in Deuteronomy chapter six. Look at the hope and encouragement we find in verse 20:
“When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’

Though it is not a promise, there is much encouragement we can draw from this verse; because there is a time coming when it won’t simply be us doing all the talking, teaching, and instructing. One day our children will act in response to our instruction. They will come with questions of their own. They will inquire about the meaning of God’s words. They will desire to understand God’s ways for themselves.

Now that “time to come” is different for every child. It’s sooner for some, later for others. Scripture does not give us an exact timetable for the duration of sowing. But Scripture does tell us: "In due season we will reap, if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9).

--from the archives

Strength For a Weary Mom

We began this series by asking: “How does the mom with young kids make the best use of her time when she doesn’t feel like she has any time?” We’ve looked at a few essential deals for this busy season:

1.    Preach the gospel to yourself (pt. one and two)
2.    Prize your husband (pt. one and two)
3.    Parent all the time (pt. one, two and three)
4.    Pay attention (pt. one, two and three)
5.    Pursue help in parenting.

I want to close the week by reminding you of one of my favorite promises from God’s Word.  Galatians 6:9 says: "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

This verse was a source of strength to me when I was carrying my one year old, chasing my two year old and correcting my four year old. I didn’t feel like I was bearing much fruit, but this verse provided faith for the future.

My kiddos are now five, six and nine, and the challenges are a little different. I’m dealing with arguments between my five and six year old and the heart issues of my nine year old. But I’m still holding on to this wonderful promise.

May I encourage you to hold onto this verse as you seek to faithfully sow into the lives of your little ones? The harvest won't come today. And it won't come tomorrow. Maybe not even next year or the year after that.

But we must be faithful to sow today. Faithful to train. Faithful to teach. Faithful to discipline. Faithful to love. Or, as it says in this passage, faithful to "do good." And we must trust God that He will fulfill His promises, that we will reap a harvest in due season if we do not give up.

My expectations are not for today, or even tomorrow--but my hope is in God who has promised that, someday, my labors will bear fruit for Him. Even though my body is weary, my soul gains new strength from this promise.

I pray it strengthens you as well.

--from the archives

Teaching Kids About Money

Last week, my son Andrew earned his first ten dollars mowing our neighbor’s yard. He’s learning the value of hard work and the benefits of diligent labor; but his father and I also want to instill in him principles of godly stewardship of money.

This isn’t easy. We’re raising our children in a culture where people seek identity in wealth and satisfaction from material possession.  And because of sin in our children’s hearts (and, if we’re honest, in our hearts too!), they won’t grow into wise, honest, generous, God-fearing financial stewards without our help.

We need to teach them what the Bible says about money and train them to handle it according to biblical principles. That’s why I’m grateful for Randy Alcorn’s recent article, “Training Your Children to Manage Money.”

Mr. Alcorn suggests ten ways to help your children gain a biblical perspective on money and manage it wisely, including some creative ideas I’d never thought of before, such as: Take a field trip to a junkyard!

May this article provoke us all to teach to our kids about money while they are young and their earnings meager. Let’s pass on godly values that our children can carry with them into adulthood.

HT: Justin Taylor

Q&A – Video Games and a Child’s Heart

Lindsay wrote in with a question:

I have an 8-year-old son who LOVES computer and video games (pretty much anything audio-visual). He's very young and we have very strict guidelines on what and how much he takes part in these things. But I feel like I am battling for my son's heart in this matter. I (and my husband) am looking for some encouragement and guidance in how to turn his HEART from loving and longing for worldly things, to loving and longing for the Lord.

Many parents of young (and not-so-young!) children are confronted with the challenge of “shepherding a child’s heart” when it comes to video games.

As it happens, my dad answered a similar question awhile back, and my brother, Chad, posted his answer on the Sovereign Grace blog last week.

When it comes to idolatry of video games, Dad explains, you want to combine guidelines and restrictions with purposeful study of Scripture and a heart softened by your own sinful tendencies:

I want to try to introduce my son to a study that isn’t correction specific to an occasion. I want to study the heart, I want to study anger, I want to study idolatry, unrelated to an occasion where I am bringing discipline, so that the study hopefully can have the most effect. I want to engage in a study from Scripture. I want to choose age-appropriate material. I want to choose appropriate passages.

And then my study with my son is supplemented by stories from my life, because I do the same thing. I don’t cry anymore like a child but I know how to cry in adult ways. I want my child to know that no matter what the category, I can identify…
 
By humbling myself, I hope I make it easier for him to receive from me, so that when I say “Listen,” it’s not “Listen to your self-righteous father who is angry at you because he doesn’t understand why it requires this kind of attention to help you to see how stupid a video game is.”

It is too easy for me to view my son’s form of idolatry as childish, but in essence, at root, there is no difference between our idolatries. His expression is consistent with a 12 year old, mine is consistent with a 56 year old, but in essence it’s no different. Therefore I must make sure my heart is softened by my own sinful tendencies.

Read the whole thing. And from our archives you can learn how two moms handle video games in their homes.

Is It OK for Moms to Have Jobs Outside of the Home?

Last week, John Piper answered a question we get a lot--"Is it OK for mothers to work full-time outside the home?" We love his answer--full of grace and passionate to encourage women to view their home as a "launching pad for ministry and missions." He concludes with these comments:

"Those are the kind of dreams I want to offer the younger women that are coming along so that they don't think, "If I don't get a career and make lots of money and be equal with men in pay and time and everything, I've somehow sold out to something small or something that doesn't require intellectual capabilities. It is a great and glorious calling to be a mother and a homemaker and a wife and a neighborhood make-it-happen kind of person and a church minister. Who knows what God might be pleased to do."

You can read a transcript of John Piper's response at the Desiring God blog. Also, we did a short series last year in response to a question about the husband's responsibility in the home. You can check it out here.

May God give us all a bigger vision of how we can serve Him in and through our homes!

“Peace” for a Little Boy

The other day, I mentioned that "Peace" was my favorite song on the To Be Like Jesus album:

Peace, You give me peace
When the storms come and I’m afraid
Peace, You give me peace
When I trust in the words You say
You give me peace

Turns out many of you love this song too--but especially one mom, Betsy. Read this sweet story of God's grace to her son through this song: 

I have to tell you a sweet moment that relates to the song "Peace." Last year while traveling to S. Carolina (from KY, where my husband is in seminary) to see some friends, my (then five-year-old) son got sick in the Smoky Mtns. After consulting the friends we were with and the ones we were heading to visit, we decided to press on. By the time we reached Charleston, he was listless and in great pain. The long and short of the story is that he ended up needing an emergency appendectomy. We spent the night in an emergency room as the hospital was full. We waited several hours for a diagnosis. Finally one was reached, and we had to trust that--so far from home--the doctors were right. Amazingly, the friend we were visiting had taken a "wrong turn," and found his way to the Pediatric Emergency/Children's Hospital he hadn't known how to get to. A memory that I will never forget is singing the sweet words to that song to my son right before he was wheeled into the operating room...and him starting to sing along. Tired, weary, hurting, his little voice just about broke my heart. The memory still does. That CD has ministered to us in so many ways, but none quite so special as that moment. Praise be to God for the ministry of Sovereign Grace music. We'll be getting the next cd as well.

To get the next cd, Walking With the Wise, or to download "Peace," visit the Sovereign Grace website.

“Walking With the Wise” Giveaway

The new Sovereign Grace kid’s album, Walking With the Wise, debuted this week and today we have ten CD’s to give away. Hmmm…maybe we’ll start that girltalk music department after all.

With lyrics drawn from the book of Proverbs, this album includes songs such as: “W-I-S-D-O-M,” “Lazy Bones,” and “A Cheerful Heart.” What’s more, the catchy music is fun for kids and easy on a mom’s ears.

Speaking of ears, one of my favorites songs already is “All Ears:”

I wanna be all ears when Mom is speaking

All ears when Dad is teaching

There’s a lot I don’t know

And they’ve been around a whole lot of years

And have covered some ground

Their words will make me wise, so I’m all ears

I’ve always disliked listening to songs on repeat. But I’m making an exception with this song. We are going to wear it out.

One more thing I love about Sovereign Grace kids CDs – there is always a special surprise track, just for moms. At least, that’s how I like to think of it. On the last album it was “Peace.” Every time it comes on, Jack says, “This is your favorite song, isn’t it, Mom?” You betya, my son.

On Walking with the Wise, I think the secret song for moms is “Who Can Say.” Listen and see if it doesn’t reduce you to grateful-for-the-gospel tears.

So, for the giveaway—be one of the first ten people to email and tell us your favorite line from a Sovereign Grace kids album. And thanks to Sovereign Grace Ministries for providing these CD’s.

UPDATE, 4:50 PM: We have our winners! Thanks to all who entered.

Blasting the Bunker

Ever get discouraged in your mothering? In your attempts to disciple a new believer? In your efforts at evangelism? By your own lack of spiritual growth?

At the recent NEXT conference, Kevin DeYoung described it like this:

"When we are dealing with the Word--whether its with our kids, our roommates, our congregation--we feel like they are behind a six-foot deep cement bunker and we have spit wads and it is just little spit wads against this six-foot concrete bunker. And you think, "that's never going to happen; this is a complete waste; that person will never grow, never come to the Lord."

What can penetrate the six-foot concrete bunker that is the heart of a foot-stomping toddler or God-cursing neighbor?

In this mini-sermon within a sermon (which includes him singing a song from Finding Nemo!), Mr. DeYoung shows us the answer in Mark chapter four.

Take ten minutes to listen today and be freshly filled with hope for mothering and ministry. 

Free Summer “Seeds” Download

Summer is almost here for the Chesemore family.  School ends next Friday and I am excited to have my three boys home for three months.  They can hardly wait for Summer Celebration, hours of swimming, and ice cream at Jimmy Cone.

My boys don’t know it yet, but I also have some serious goals for their summer—and topping the list is Scripture memory.

At these ages (6, 7, 10), kid’s minds are like sponges: they absorb and retain information very easily. So I want to soak my three little sponges in God’s Word all summer.

One of the most effective (and fun!) ways to help kids memorize Scripture is through song—and that’s why our summer soundtrack will be Seeds Family Worship.

I know I’ve blogged on this before, but I love these cd's. The music is upbeat and fun to listen to (even for a mom!). And what better way to make good use of those drives to and from the pool or ice cream and especially long road trips.

Seeds Family Worship has kindly offered girltalk readers a free download of one of their songs (my son, Owen’s favorite): “The Good Song."

Hope you enjoy the song, the Seeds CD's, and your summer!

Summer Plans

School is almost out and it's time to make summer plans--swimming and biking, eating dinner on the back porch, and berry picking (I guess Janelle has already gone to the Strawberry patch).

But here's an idea for you—in addition to the fun activities, do one thing this summer that you’ll be really glad you did come Fall.

Last summer, when we knew we were going to homeschool our oldest son Jack (at least for first grade), I ordered curriculum and got advice from other moms. But I also needed to prepare someone else--my (then) two year old Tori.

If I was going to teach Jack, I needed more than five minutes of peace at one time. And I didn’t want Tori to sit in front of the TV all morning! So, throughout the summer I eased Tori into a new daily rhythm.

Each day she had “kitchen time” and “puzzle time” and “coloring time.” She also had lots of breaks where she and Jack ate their snack and played together. I gradually increased these times from a few minutes to 30-45 minute blocks.

The strategy paid off and our transition into homeschooling—though not without its challenges—was smoother than I had expected.

Whether your kids (or you) are going to school this fall, or if you are homeschooling or teaching a class, think about one thing you can do in June that you’ll be glad you did come September.

Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

If you haven’t done your Mother’s Day shopping yet, here are four ideas from the four girltalkers…
 
Carolyn loves the bracelet Kristie Anywabile gave her from this website. (Since they probably can’t fill the order in time for Mother’s Day, you can give your mom a picture and tell her it is on the way!)

Nicole just finished reading A Sweet and Bitter Providence by John Piper on the book of Ruth. This beautiful love story contains comforting and glorious lessons for ordinary women today.

Kristin is currently enjoying these peaceful hymns in her otherwise loud and crazy house.

Janelle says this movie is one of her all-time favorites. The rest of us agree!

Ants: Pest or Pet?

Every Spring, ants invade our home and make tracks for the kitchen. I’m not particularly fond of these little guys, and I do all I can to eliminate them as quickly as possible.

But this year, we also have ants as pets. 

For Christmas, Liam and Owen received ant farms and a voucher for free ants. They waited several months for the ants to arrive (checking the mailbox anxiously each day!).  And just the other day, they finally came—Christmas in April!

The boys filled their little ant farms with sand and used tubes to connect one ant farm to the other.  Then they dumped the little guys inside and watched them get to work.

Yes, I’m killing ants in one part of the house and feeding them in another.  Does that make sense? Only in the life of a mom!

Not only can my boys enjoy watching and feeding the pet ants, but I can use them as an object lesson.

Like most kids (and grown-ups) my little guys often battle lazy desires. They can be tempted to complain and grumble about their school and chores. But ants, as you know, are super hard workers. They scurry around, carrying sand and building tunnels.

For my boys, this is a wonderful picture of what the Lord has called them to do.  He has called them to work hard--to be busy and diligent. That’s why Scripture tells them: “Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise”(Prov. 6:6).

Only, in our case we don’t need to “go” to the ants, they come to us—via a crack in the wall or the US Mail.

Going Bye-Bye

As any mom with small children will tell you, “getting out the door” is an exercise in craziness and chaos. Screaming fits and blow-out diapers, lost keys and runaway children all wait for the moment you want to go somewhere.
 
Just. Get. In. The. Car.
 
But when my four-year-old daughter Caly was younger, I read a suggestion from one mom about training your children to sit quietly in one spot. I decided this would come in handy for when I was trying to leave the house.
 
I worked with Caly and she soon got the hang of it. And a few weeks ago, I began to teach eighteen-month-old MJ.
 
Every morning after breakfast we have “sit time.” Even though MJ only says a handful of words, she knows exactly what I’m talking about. She and Caly go to the stairs and sit on separate steps until the timer goes off. We started with one minute and increased the time bit by bit as the weeks went on.
 
It’s hilarious to watch. Every muscle in MJ’s body wants to stand up, but she’s learning to sit still and can now do so for a grand total of five minutes! Caly loves “being a good example” and showing MJ how to obey. We cheer and clap when that little timer goes off.
 
This little exercise makes the “getting out the door” process a lot more peaceful. The girls sit quietly while I search for my lost keys! But more importantly, MJ is learning obedience and self-control—the peaceful fruit of which I pray she’ll reap for the rest of her life.