Rebekah sent us this beautiful tribute to her mother:
Dear Girltalk,
I saw your contest for mothers day and instantly thought of my mother. I didn’t think of her because she needs to win a contest, but because I see a perfect opportunity to share about her. Perhaps you will be the only person who reads this, but I hope that hearing about her is an encouragement to you as you pursue godly “womanhood”.
My mom entered our family when I was 14. My first mom passed away of breast cancer, and so for 7 years my 3 sisters and I were raised by our father.
We were one crazy family living in Montana when a sweet southern belle, Lisa, entered our lives. I don’t remember my parents dating relationship being too long, but I do remember her coming out to visit from the south a couple of times, and how quickly she started to show love to our family.
I could probably write a book about our families story, but I will skip straight to the part about learning life lessons from her.
Here is a woman that had never been married before, moving across the country, to be the wife and mother of a widower and 4 new daughters. She didn’t even have any of her friends in her wedding. Instead she had her new daughters stand up with her as bridesmaids.
She entered our family graciously. She saw flaws in us all, but was quick to pray and slow to speak. She shared her opinion, but was quick to submit to my Dad. She constantly sought older women to disciple her and encouraged our walks with the Lord.
Many women could come into a situation like that and struggle with jealousy of the first wife. That is NOT my mom. She came into our home and sought to understand my first mom, to respect her, to continue her prayers for her daughters, and then she sought to love my first mom’s extended family! She is others-minded.
She has been an example of a quiet and gentle spirit. She is always ready to love first and be loved second. She holds the Word close to her heart and seeks to live by it’s Truth, through the strength of the Lord.
When I got married almost 2 years ago I remember Lisa pulling me aside and telling me that she “wished Vanessa could be here to see her prayers answered, but we can’t question the Sovereignty of the Lord, so I will do my best to stand in for her”. The selflessness of that statement has stayed with me.
I have a picture of my first mom on my refrigerator, beside it I have a picture of my youngest sister. She was born to my Dad and Lisa right after I turned 16. Abigail has been one of our families biggest joys and blessings. I look at the pictures of my first mom and sister and see God’s Sovereignty played out in my life. I will see my mom again some day. Until then I get to enjoy my new mother, who without, I would not have my sweet sister.
I hope that as you go through your day, you can think of Lisa and see the Lord’s strength in her and remember to pray first, love first, seek wisdom, and pursue the Lord.
Kristie Braaksma received some very helpful counsel from her mom:
There was one piece of advice my mom gave me in my teenage years that I have remembered ever since when things seem tough…“you can do anything for a short period of time”. The day she gave me that advice was a day two weeks before my graduation deadline (I was homeschooled at that point) and I was way behind on my studies! I had made up my mind to finish by the deadline no matter what, but the task seemed so incredibly daunting! I knew I would be pulling all-nighters in order to get through all my work in two weeks. That’s when mom told me “you can do anything for a short period of time” and suddenly I knew I had to give it everything I had, to at least try. So for two weeks I worked night and day, sometimes finishing at 6am only to sleep for three hours and start again at 9am. It was overwhelming work, it was mentally laborious and exhausting, there were many tears, and many doubts, but by the grace and strength of The Lord, the deadline came and I was done!!
That season of life has passed long ago but the advice I have applied to countless trials and difficulties. I think it pairs well with Psalm 126:5-6 “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy bringing his sheaves with him.” I think John Piper sums it up well when he says, “When there are simple, straightforward jobs to be done, and you are full of sadness, and tears are flowing easily, go ahead and do the jobs with tears. Be realistic. Say to your tears: “Tears, I feel you. You make me want to quit life. But there is a field to be sown (dishes to be washed, car to be fixed, sermon to be written).”Then say, on the basis of God’s word, “Tears, I know that you will not stay forever. The very fact that I just do my work (tears and all) will in the end bring a harvest of blessing. So go ahead and flow if you must. But I believe (I do not yet see it or feel it fully) — I believe that the simple work of my sowing will bring sheaves of harvest. And your tears will be turned to joy.”
Bonni Hendley shares about her mom’s wonderful example:
My mom is an evangelist. No, not a famous one but a faithful one. She talks to everyone, everywhere. As a child, it wasn’t always appreciated as a trip to the grocery store could take hours! But as an adult, I see the gifting God has given her to reach out. She has taken neglected children to church, invited them into her home, baked for them, prayed for them. She has asked the woman doing her nails what she believes about God. She has visited the sick and prayed for them. Even within her own family and friends she faithfully brings the gospel into conversations—even when the conversation was not welcomed. Her name means ‘Star’ and her light does shine! I love you Mom!!
First off - my mom is amazing. I have so many special memories with her that it would be impossible to pick just one.
But the single most important piece of advice she’s given me? It would have to be, “Keep learning.” Mom has not only encouraged me (and my two sisters) to be a learner for life, she has modeled that for me. She loves to read and research things—history, healthy living/cooking, current issues, and the list could go on.
When we were kids, she often encouraged us to go beyond what we were given in our textbooks, etc.—to learn new skills, to develop a healthy curiosity about the world around us, to keep our minds active—all of which she has done.
Most importantly, though, Mom is not content to simply rest on her laurels when it comes to a knowledge of Scripture. She’s pressed on, learning to know God, His Word, and His grace more each year. THAT is a blessing beyond words…one I will be eternally grateful for.
In anticipation of Mother’s Day we have a week’s worth of your favorite advice and memories of your mom. Our first is from Karen Ingram:
I’m sure this isn’t a profound memory of my mom, and it doesn’t include any amazing life changing advice. However, I am 37 years old and this memory still makes me smile and remains one of my favorite of my mom. As a mother of 3 children myself now, it reminds me how every day little things can make a lasting impression on my kids. My mom used to pack my lunch every day and whenever she would put a banana in my lunch she would draw a smiley face and ” I luv you” on it with a black sharpie marker : ). I would be so happy to see a banana in my lunch because I knew there would be a message from my mom on it. I remember her always making an effort to be in the kitchen when I came home from school everyday so hers was the first face I saw when walked through the back door. I remember thanking her for my bananas in my lunch when I got home from school. A silly memory, I realize, but it really is such a good reminder to me as I go through daily life with my kids that the little things I do really will come to make a difference in my children’s lives. And yes, my kids get smilely faces on their bananas, too!
With Mother’s Day fast approaching we want to run a little contest. We want to learn from your mother’s creativity and wisdom, and honor her in the process. So contact us and tell us one of two things – your favorite memory of your mother or the most helpful advice you ever received from your mom. Send us your reply by next Friday, April 19, and we’ll choose a winner who will receive a 52home picture of your choice—as a gift for your mom (or for you!).
Speaking of 52home, the annual Mother’s Day Sale is on through May 1st. Just enter the code MOM at checkout to receive a ten percent discount on your entire order.
2013 at 2:39 pm | by Carolyn Mahaney
Filed under
Motherhood
No one needs to remind us that it is an enormous responsibility to be a mother. How well we know it! One woman expresses it this way:
I seldom feel like much of an adventurer—standing in this kitchen, pouring cereal into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: “Uh oh, I spilled.” But sometimes at night the thought will strike me: There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands. I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grave and vast.
Though the mission is grave and vast, God’s grace is greater. He kindly reminds us in His Word: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).
So if today you missed opportunities to show tender love, or if you neglected to pray for your children, or if you were impatient with them, and even if you lost your smile and feel like a complete failure as a mother—take heart!
God’s grace is sufficient for you. Look to the cross where Christ died. There He purchased forgiveness for our sins and power to grow in godliness. Not one of us is equal to this task of mothering, but He will help us in our weakness. God will provide all the grace we need to love our children.
One year ago today we brought Jude and Sophie out of the orphanage. We took them to lunch. We went to the Embassy to submit our final batch of paperwork. We had ice cream. We played soccer. We gave them baths and tucked them into bed.
We were their parents. And we loved it.
And every day since that day, we love it even more.
In the past 365 days we’ve had lots of ice cream, played lots of soccer, given bubble baths and tucked them in each night.
Today we are more amazed than ever that our infinitely kind, creative, and generous Heavenly Father has blessed us with these beautiful children.
And we love that we will be Jude and Sophie’s parents, every day for the rest of our lives.
This is a big week in the Whitacre home. One year ago today Steve and I landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Tomorrow, February 28, we will celebrate “Gotcha Day”—the day we brought Jude and Sophie out of the orphanage. And Saturday marks the first anniversary of what we have declared “Whitacre Day”—the day our little family was finally all together, complete.
Before bringing Jude and Sophie home from Ethiopia, we asked a translator to tell them their new names. We got two sets of raised eyebrows, which are not a sign of skeptical surprise as in American culture, but rather an indication of strong approval. They liked their new names. (Many raised eyebrows later, we learned that they also liked pizza, chocolate, and swimming.)
Jude and Sophie’s names—like the children themselves—were chosen long before we met them. They express so much of what God has done in bringing them into our family.
We wanted to name our son Jude after my dad preached a series of messages on this short book of the Bible during the same month we applied to our adoption agency. Under attack from false teachers, Jude urges the believers in Christ to stand firm and put their hope in God “who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy” (Jude 24). We named “Jude” in praise to God for his sustaining grace in our lives, and as a prayer that our son will come to know our faithful God who is able to keep him to the end. Also, Jude’s name is a derivative of Judah, and the fact that “The Lion of Judah” graces Ethiopian currency is a small but significant reminder of his heritage. And Jude, eight-year-old boy that he is, likes that his name has something to do with a lion.
Sophia, of course, means wisdom. As I am fond of telling her: “I asked God for wisdom and he gave me Sophie.” Following the two difficult deliveries of our biological children, Steve and I were still desirous of having more children but were unsure if it was safe for me to risk my health and maybe even my life. There were many questions and no clear answers. This was a wisdom issue. But many Scriptures did apply, and when we asked, God was faithful to provide all the wisdom we needed in His Word and the counsel of doctors and other believers. “If any of you lacks wisdom,” it says in James, 1:5, “let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Sophie’s name is a reminder of the wisdom God gave to us that led us to her, and I pray she will grow into her name and become a wise young woman who follows the Savior.
Recently, I looked out my window and saw Jude playing his own imaginary game of football (the American kind) in the backyard, complete with his own play-by-play. “Jude Whitacre scores!” he yelled triumphantly as he carried the football in for a touchdown. I really like the sound of that, son. I thought.
Jude and Sophie’s names express our praise to God and our prayers for their future. They also describe our first year together as a family. God has truly been faithful to sustain us and we marvel at his perfect wisdom in bringing these two precious children into our family.
2013 at 12:29 pm | by Kristin Chesemore
Filed under
Motherhood
The girls asked me to close out our little series on gospel-centered mothering. I thought it might be helpful to share three areas my mom has encouraged us to use as kind of a “quick check” on our mothering in between more significant times of evaluation and planning. Gospel-centered mothering certainly involves more than these three things, but not less.
Teach Your Children God’s Word (Deut 6:7)
Our children are bombarded with words all day, every day: from friends, siblings, teachers, coaches, and media. As parents we must not only guard and approve those who can speak words into our children’s lives, we need to make sure they are getting a large dose of God’s Word each day.
Just as we evaluate and adjust our children’s food diet, we should often evaluate and make adjustments to their “gospel diet.” Each day are they getting a heaping helping of Scripture?
Many of the gospel words our children receive will come from our mouths, but we should also use as many resources as possible, especially those available through our local church.
Our prayer is that 2 Timothy 3:15—which John Piper preached from at our church this past Sunday—can be said of all our children: “…how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”
Teach Your Children to Respect and Obey (Eph 6:1-4)
We spent most of our time in this series on the importance of obedience and respect because it seems there is more confusion, and as a result, maybe less application in this critical area of gospel-centered mothering.
But it is of vital importance! There is much more we could say, on this topic, but for further study we highly recommend J.C. Ryle, Tedd Tripp, and Elisabeth Elliot.
Win Your Children’s Hearts (Titus 2:4)
“Love is the grand secret to effective training” said J.C. Ryle and he couldn’t be more right. This is why we talk often here at girltalk about making memories with your children and why it is so important to lavish them with affection and encouragement. Your training in obedience and respect, and your teaching of God’s Word will be effective in proportion to your expressions of love for your children.
No doubt we’ll return to the topic of mothering some time soon, but in the meantime, you can download a pdf of this series to review and apply. May God give us much grace as we seek to preach the gospel to our children. I know he is eager to answer this prayer.
2013 at 8:52 am | by Nicole Whitacre
Filed under
Motherhood
Stephanie’s has a two-year-old whom she loves to pieces, but who whines a lot. Ashley has five children at home under the age of nine. Both wrote to ask “how do you stay patient with young children?”
I can certainly relate. Impatience is a common temptation for us as moms. So, as I always do, I asked my exceptionally patient mom (she raised me after all!), and wrote down a few of her suggestions. This is not an exhaustive list, just a few things she’s passed on to me that I have found most helpful:
Identify temptation points
Recently my husband and I realized that we were most tempted to be impatient when we had to get our four children out the door. Identifying this temptation-point helped, not only so we could prepare our hearts to be more self-controlled and patient, but also so we could streamline our process and get an earlier start. Less temptation for everyone. Less impatience from Mom and Dad.
Be consistent
More often then not, when I find myself growing impatient with my children, it is because I have not been clear about the rules or boundaries. They are simply following my lead. So why am I getting impatient with them? My impatience is often a clue that I have slacked off in one area or another. It is time to get back to basics and train or instruct ahead of time and then be consistent to bring appropriate consequences. Being consistent helps me guard against impatience.
Don’t do stupid things twice
This one is for me. I am always repeating my own stupid mistakes. But Janelle is the opposite. She’s a fast learner. For example, a little while ago her two-year-old Hudson became obsessed with balloons. He would throw a fit when he saw a balloon in the store. He would even start screaming in his car seat when they drove past balloons outside! Once she realized this, Janelle made strategic decisions to avoid balloons where possible. She took alternative routes home and avoided certain sections of the store, unless she was prepared to buy a balloon. Point is, if you know your toddler is going to throw a fit in aisle three, if possible, don’t go to aisle three for a while. Wait until your consistent training at home makes it possible for you to go to the store without a meltdown. Do whatever you can to avoid walking into situations you know will be tempting for you and your child.
Be grateful
I read a great post on this by someone, somewhere, and now I can’t find it. The upshot was that when we cultivate a heart of gratefulness to God for the precious gift of our children, it counteracts the impatience in our heart. So if we find our impatience is rising, how’s our gratefulness? Let’s thank God for the amazing gift of our children and it will be much easier to be patient.
Pray
There is something about going to God in prayer that reminds us just how patient our heavenly Father is with us. This produces humility in our hearts, which in turn, produces patience toward our children. And we need God’s help. So let’s pray. He is eager to help us to model His patience toward our children.
“I feel like such a failure. I’m a horrible mom and a terrible wife. I’m exhausted, depressed, and overwhelmed.”
Sound like a mom you know? How would you counsel this woman? What gospel-centered words would you give her? Maybe you are that mom. As your soul’s counselor, how do you apply the gospel?
So often, in our sincere desire to be gospel-centered, we skip over a biblical diagnosis and assume we know what the problem is.
“You’re caught in the performance trap,” we tell the discouraged mom. “You just need to remember that God’s approval isn’t based on your performance. He loves you, in spite of all your failures. He doesn’t expect you to do it all or be a perfect wife or mom. You just need to rest in God’s grace.”
True, to a point.
But Scripture trains us to be more careful counselors, to apply the varied grace of God appropriately to various mothering discouragements:
“[A]dmonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thes. 5:14).
In other words, gospel-centered counsel looks different for different counselees.
“Discouraged Mom” may, in fact, be experiencing genuine conviction for anger or impatience or some other area of sin in her mothering. She may need an exhortation to repent and encouragement in the grace of God available to help her to grow (1 John 1:9).
Or a mom may be discouraged because she is comparing herself to other moms or cultural expectations of motherhood. She may need to hear our Savior’s words, “What is that to you, you follow me?” (John. 21:22)
Maybe a mom is looking to her children’s performance as the measurement of her mothering success. She may need to be reminded of her call is just to be faithful, and to trust God with the fruit. Her children’s sin isn’t the final measurement of her motherhood (Gal. 6:9).
Often a discouraged mom is an exhausted mom. She needs a good night sleep and an hour in God’s Word.
I could go on, but point is, gospel-centered counseling doesn’t make a blank check out to grace and hand it over to a discouraged mom. We must be diligent to discern the specific gospel-truth that applies to a particular discouraged mom in her unique situation.
So whether we’re counseling a friend or our own soul, let’s be wise, gospel-centered counselors.
2013 at 9:40 am | by Nicole Whitacre
Filed under
Motherhood
If you are a mom at home with small children, or a woman doing an obscure and seemingly small work for Christ, then I have a book recommendation for you. It’s called Sensing Jesus by Zack Eswine.
This is a book for pastors, which is why I wanted to tell you about it. I’m not sure if the author meant it to encourage ordinary moms like you and me, but it certainly does.
“In Jesus, we do not do away with possessing an ambition for great things” writes Dr. Eswine, “Rather we learn in him to make sure that the greatness we strive for is the kind that he values.”
Sensing Jesus doesn’t merely teach us why we should value the ordinary and mundane, it awakens an appreciation for the humility and honor of our humanity in Christ.
And while this truth is important for pastors, it is also significant for our ministry as mothers. For we live in a culture that disdains and devalues all that is mundane, ordinary, and obscure about our calling to raise the next generation to the honor and glory of Jesus Christ.
One of the reasons I love this book is because Dr. Eswine describes in beautiful prose a godly manner of life that I have seen in my mother and grandmother:
Contentment and gratitude for God’s gifts—family, community, food, a loved and loving home, laughter.
Courage and conviction to live by the Word of God alone, day in and day out, whether in difficulty or obscurity.
Commitment to one man and ones own children for the sake of Jesus Christ.
Humility that doesn’t strive for glory apart from faithfully following the Savior.
There is a weightiness and a wealth in this legacy of ordinary faithfulness; and like fireflies in a Mason jar, Sensing Jesus captures this glory in the ordinary for us to marvel at and emulate:
“Therefore, those of you searching for something larger, faster, and more significant, who feel that if you could just be somewhere else doing something else as somebody else, then your life would really matter—Jesus has come to confound you… He may call you to courageously prize what is overlooked and mundane among those whose cravings for the next and the now might cause them to soon overlook you…”
So my fellow “overlooked” moms, let’s come to the only “Remembered One” because “being remembered by him means we no longer fear being forgotten by the world. Living humanly within his remembrance is enough.”
A few months ago, when the weather was mild and our kids were playing together at a park, Janelle and I chatted about writing a few mothering posts for the blog.
“I don’t know,” she hesitated, when I pitched the idea. “I am very aware of my sins and shortcomings as a mom.”
“Me too!” I agreed. “But maybe that’s why we should write about it. If nothing else it will challenge us to be more faithful mothers.”
“I guess so,” she agreed, before calling to our children that it was time to go. A chorus of complaints met this announcement and we both looked at each other and laughed. “Yep, we’ve got a lot of work to do!”
We aren’t perfect mothers and we don’t pretend to be.
But that doesn’t mean we are content with imperfect. The mothering bar we’re aiming for is high. It has been set in place by God himself: “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt. 5:48).
As moms we must be humble and admit we fall short of the bar of mothering perfection. Very. Far. Short. We are not always patient with our children. We are not always faithful to teach and train and discipline. We give in to selfishness, anger, laziness, and grumbling.
That’s why a mother who is grounded in the gospel looks two ways. She really does have eyes in the back of her head.
A gospel-centered mom first looks back to her justification in Christ. She remembers that all of her mothering sins and shortcomings have been nailed to the cross of Jesus Christ. That he became sin for her that in him she might become the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21).
But she doesn’t stop there. The gospel-centered mom looks forward too. She strives with the Holy Spirit’s power that works within her to be perfect as her heavenly Father is perfect. She stands on the ground of forgiveness and accesses grace—through God’s Word, through counsel from godly women, and through prayer—to grow as a mom. To be more patient, more joyful, more consistent, more loving. To be perfect.
Moms need grace. We need grace to admit that we are weak and grace to not settle into those weaknesses. We need grace that frees and forgives and grace that gives power to grow.
Emily sent us an e-mail the other day asking if I was holding my sweet baby in my arms yet. The answer to that question, Emily, is “no.” Baby is very decidedly still in my belly.
I’m pretty sure that the Lord designed the last 6 to 8 weeks of pregnancy to make you actually want to go into labor. You spend the first 32 weeks trying not to think about it and seeking to trust the Lord, but when you hit the home stretch, you sing a different tune. It hurts to walk. It hurts to sit. And if you lie down, you can no longer breathe. Bring on labor!
But as every mom knows, the second that little one is placed in your arms, every bit of sickness and pain (well, maybe not all of it, but you catch my drift) becomes a distant memory. And Lord willing I’m only days away from that sweet moment. If little girl doesn’t make an appearance before February 3rd then I am scheduled to be induced on Monday the 4th. We will be sure to post a few updates on the blog when the time comes.
As you have so kindly done for me three times before, I would be grateful if you would keep me in your prayers.
“I feel like such a failure. I’m a horrible mom and a terrible wife. I’m exhausted, depressed, and overwhelmed.”
