Motherhood

Family Devotions for Young Children

A few weeks ago, at a meeting with the small group leaders he serves, my husband Brian interviewed Tony Reinke and his wife Karalee about their family devotions.

Tony shared three “big picture” goals and some very helpful practical ideas as well. I was inspired by this couple’s passion to train their children in the gospel and excited to try some of their practices. And I immediately thought of how much you all would love to hear this as well.

So listen to this two-minute clip and get ready to start tonight!

(P.S. Thanks to Dave Wilcox at CLC for his efforts to get us this clip, in spite of a computer crash.)

FAMILY DEVOTIONS with Tony & Karalee Reinke

(Brian's notes from Tony's comments)

1. Remind your kids of the Gospel. Ways to do this:
a) Reading the Jesus Storybook bible helps them to anticipate and/or encounter Christ in each section of Scripture
b) Sing The Gospel Song
c) Read from the Gospels.
 
Doing this has helped their children go to bed thinking of their need for a Savior and God's gracious provision.
 
2. Teach them the storyline of the Bible
Although it's 66 books, the bible provides one clear and coherent storyline.  Children's bibles like the Jesus Storybook Bible and The Big Picture Story Bible do a great job reinforcing this.
 
3. Teach them to cultivate gratefulness.
End the evening giving thanks to God and praying those who have less or who are suffering.

Love Your “Enemy”

At eighteen months, my sweet baby MJ is “coming into her own.” Theologically speaking, the doctrine of sin is on full display in her little life. Despite a limited vocabulary, she has no trouble communicating her demands or displeasures. Screams will suffice.
 
So when Mom shared this quote with me the other day, I had to smile--and thank God for the transforming effect of the gospel:

“Oftentimes parenting can feel like a battle. And the “enemy” is your two-year-old who’s just thrown their dinner on the floor (again); or your fifteen-year-old, who’s just slammed the door on you (again). But still your job is to show them what our Father in heaven is like. Yes, they need to learn to live under authority. But they also need to learn of a God who welcomes His enemies, loves His enemies and gives His life for his enemies.” (Gospel Centred Family by Tim Chester and Ed Moll)

As you march toward mothering battles today, may God give you grace to welcome, love, and give your life for your little (or not so little) “enemy”—as Christ first loved and gave Himself for you. 

Year In Review: Day 1

As is our tradition, this week we're re-posting some of the posts which received the most reader response this year. Meanwhile, we're busy putting the final touches on some new features for our site in 2010, so stay tuned.

We begin in March with the first of three posts from Mom, encouraging moms with young kids to beware of distractions from their important calling.

Thanks for spending another year at Mom's kitchen table!

Pay Attention

2009 at 11:32 am   |   by Carolyn Mahaney

Mothers are responsible to mold and shape lives; to raise children who, in the words of G.K. Chesterton, “require not so much to be taught anything as everything.”

“I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot,” reflected one mom, “the mission is so grave and vast.” And so it is. The training and discipline of our children in the fear the Lord is an awesome task, demanding of our full attention (see Deut 6:5-9).

That’s why, if there’s one concern I have for this generation of mothers, it is the potential for distraction.

Blogs, facebook, twitter and texting allow moms at home to stay connected with the outside world like never before; the Internet makes it possible for women to contribute skills and gifts to the church and the marketplace, while at home with their children. These are all tremendous blessings, and when used wisely, can bless and serve our families and glorify God.

The Proverbs 31 women, long before the Internet, managed a wide range of tasks for the good of her family and community. (But did you notice what time she woke up each morning?)  Depending on a woman’s capacity, gifting, personal discipline, as well as the ages and number of children, there may certainly be room for other things.

But we must be watchful that these “other things” don’t distract us from our primary task of mothering.  We must walk carefully through this season, with all its opportunities, and make the best use of our time with our children.

Truth is, we can’t effectively train our children on the side. We can’t discipline them here and there. We can’t teach when we’ve got a free moment. We can’t mother intermittently.

Inconsistent training is ineffective training.

If we are distracted by projects or pleasure, we may miss valuable teaching moments, opportunities to encourage, disobedience that requires discipline, or a chance to show affection. These moments, once lost, are gone forever.

So ladies, may I encourage you, as I do my own daughters, to give training and discipline your first and full attention. Walk carefully, and keep your eyes on the mothering road.

More thoughts tomorrow.

A QUESTION OF PRIORITIES

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Womanly Dominion.The Gospel.Our Children.

Your mission, dear mother, is not to make your children happy, but to prepare them for eternity…You must relentlessly evangelize their never-dying souls.” (Womanly Dominion p. 127-128)

In chapter eight of Womanly Dominion, Mark Chanski highlights the most important job we have as mothers: to preach the gospel to our children. This passion should infuse every part of our daily lives, whether in word or action. God has graciously provided many tools to help us evangelize our children. Here are a few age appropriate ideas:

For Parents:

Your Child's Profession of Faith

Newborn (and up):

"The Gospel Song" (I sing this as a lullaby to my two girlies every night)

Toddlers (and up):

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name

Children:

The Gospel for Children: A Simple, Yet Complete Guide to Help Parents Teach Their Children the Gospel of Jesus Christ

Of course we can’t save our children or force them to turn to Christ: “Salvation belongs to the Lord!” (Jonah 2:9). But we must intercede for their never-dying souls, and daily, passionately, tell them the good news:

Holy God in love became

Perfect man to bear my blame

On the cross he took my sin

By his death I live again

("The Gospel Song")

Fool Moon Rising

On Thursday we received a special new book from Pop-Pop: Fool Moon Rising by Kristi Fluharty and T. Lively Fluharty; so I took a break from school to read to my two younger boys.

The amazing illustrations captured the boys’ attention right away; they listened closely as I read. Fool Moon Rising is a short and simple story that is beautifully told and rich in content: One proud little moon learns a much-needed lesson in humility.

Warning (as in our case): Mom may experience more conviction than child. How much I am like that proud little moon!

After reading, I asked my son Liam: “What is one way you are tempted to boast?”

“That I run fast!” he replied

Then he paused, smiled, and with a little more authority repeated: “I run fast!”

Hardly the picture of conviction. I think we’ll have to read the book again. Many times. But how grateful I am for this story that exposes his pride and encourages him to glory in the Savior.

I can’t improve on Dad’s endorsement:

As a grandpa, I treasure books I can share with my grandchildren, books that are both theologically informed and beautifully illustrated. Unfortunately, these can be scarce. Fool Moon Rising is a rare find: a children's book that describes how understanding the greatness of God transforms proud hearts into humble ones--something that can happen only in the shadow of the cross. I'm looking forward to reading it with my grandkids.

Thanks so much, Dad, for this little treasure!

Family Talk and a Giveaway

On Sunday evening the Mahaney clan gathered at Dad and Mom’s house for dinner. The weather was mild, so we ate outside on the patio and sat around talking until after dark. The boys played wiffle ball and the girls staked out the sandbox; then, when night came, they all hunted groundhogs with flashlights.
 
The adult conversation usually covers a wide variety of topics—from theology to sports to politics to humor—all in a matter of a few minutes. But this evening we were focused on one topic: being parents.
 
That’s because of an interview request from Steve & Candice Watters, authors of the book and blog Start Your Family. This couple’s heart is to “encourage couples to be intentional about their timeline in the early years of marriage and to trust God to help them boldly launch their families.”
 
We spent a delightful hour talking about the joys of children and the blessing of family and you can read the interview at startyourfamily.com. Due to space limitations, they were only able to publish part of our conversation, so if you are interested you can download the entire interview.
 
And the giveaway? You can win a copy of Start Your Family:Inspiration for Having Babies, courtesy of Steve & Candice. Just be one of the first three people to contact us and request a copy. To qualify you must be engaged or newly married without kids.
 
Thanks, Steve and Candice for the opportunity to reflect upon God’s gift of family!

UPDATE: Congratulations to our winners: Hannah, Whitney, & Karen!

School Days

Show of hands—who is going back to school, sending a child to school, or preparing to teach this fall? I bet a lot of hands went up out there! School days are upon us again. There will be broken pencils and slow computers, late night study-sessions and pop-quizzes, classmate conflicts, “light bulb” moments, and more than a few tears. And there will be lots and lots of reading.

But there’s something more certain than all the predictable aspects of the school year: “Surely [not maybe] goodness and mercy shall follow me all [not some] of the days of my life” (Ps. 23:6, emphasis mine).

"With God these qualities are not merely solid and dependable” explains Derek Kidner, “but vigorous--for 'follow' does not mean here to bring up the rear but to pursue.

If you are a Christian, goodness and mercy follow you “always” says Charles Spurgeon: “the black days as well as the bright days. Goodness supplies our needs, and mercy blots out our sins.”

Goodness is shadowing us, in the halls of school or the kitchen table at home, to provide all we need—strength, wisdom, perseverance and patience—to help us glorify God. And Mercy’s right behind, to pick us up when we fall: bringing pardon for our sins through the blood of Jesus Christ.

What a promise to take with us into the first day of school--and all the school days thereafter!

More “school days” stuff from the girltalk archives:

He Goes With You
 
Taught by the Lord
 
A Prayer for My Son
 
Wake-Up Ideas
 
A Peaceful Morning Routine
 
An Extra-Special First Day of School
 
No More Boring Lunches

Monsters Under the Bed

My three-year-old Caly often wakes up screaming in the dead of night. Jolted out of sleep, I run to her room as fast as I can only to be greeted with the same two words: “I’m scared.”
 
“What are you scared of Caly-girl?” I ask
 
“I’m just scared,” she whimpers.
 
A few hugs and kisses and she’s happy to be tucked back in to bed.
 
Well do I remember my own night-time fears as a child. Just ask me about my lobster dream sometime. It still gives me shivers.
 
So how do we help our small children deal with middle-of-the night fears?
 
Dr. Russell Moore—himself a father of small children—recently offered this insightful answer:
 
“The kids know—they instinctively know—that they're living in a universe in which something's gone awry. It's not our job—as parents, or as Sunday school teachers—to disengage that. It's our job to come in and to provide an answer to that. Yeah, you're living in an enchanted world. Yeah, you're living in a haunted world. You're living in a world haunted by demonic powers. That's exactly right—what you deeply fear is indeed the case... Your worrying about the monster under the bed isn't unreasonable; there's a monster under the fabric of the cosmos. Instead, we give them a story that provides the only comfort that really is lasting comfort; it's a comfort that the enemies have been defeated."

I am going to add a few words to my middle of the night hugs and kisses routine. Yes, Caly-girl, we live in a scary world, but we don’t need to be afraid. The monster has been crushed. And the One who crushed him, He’s right here in this room.

HT: Between Two Worlds

My Summer Guest

Guess what I get to do this summer? I’m hosting my mother-in-law as she recovers from hip replacement surgery. Lest you think I’m complaining, I’m not. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am delighted to be able to serve this woman who has lived to serve others.

Kaye was also a mother of three active little boys like me. When she became a single mom, she had to take on a brand new job, and pursue her master’s degree at the same time. Although circumstances required her to work outside the home, she never sacrificed her care for her boys.

They each played sports and she found a way to attend all their games, often rising at 4:30 am so she could get to work early and be home in time. She once told me that she brought her textbooks everywhere in order to fit in her homework. All three boys took music lessons, had special birthday parties, and went to Pizza Hut with Mom every Friday night. They knew that she was always available to talk to them at any time.

Her sacrifice was great and her labor was constant. Many times it went unnoticed, but it has borne much fruit. Today her three sons have grown up to become godly men. All three have wives and sons of their own.

And Kaye is a wonderful grandmother to a new generation of active boys who are so glad she’s staying with us. They pester me all day to be allowed to “visit” her and bring her trays of food or show her the picture they have painted. No matter how tired she feels, she always greets them with a joyful smile and listens attentively to their chatter.

Do you see why having Kaye in our home is the highlight of my summer? What can one do to repay a woman like this? I have her to thank, humanly speaking, for my husband, and I am eternally grateful for what she has given to me.

To all you single moms reading this, I want to say thank you for your sacrifice. May you be encouraged by the fruit of one woman’s faithfulness to press on in this work that God has called you to. As you draw upon His grace, and rely upon His strength, you can look forward to a day when future generations will be blessed.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

Grace Abounding to a Mom

We thought we'd close out this week with encouragement from God's Word for all moms to meditate on:

The children of your servants shall dwell secure; their offspring shall be established before you. Psalm 102:28

Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Psalm 112:1-2

Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Psalm 128:1-3 


For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. 
 Isaiah 44:3 


“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. “O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold… All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you…. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 54:10-14; 17 


“This is my covenant with them,” says the Lord: “My Spirit that is upon you, and my words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your offspring, or out of the mouth of your children's offspring,” says the Lord, “from this time forth and forevermore.” Isaiah 59:21 


“Believer, here is encouragement. Are you praying for some beloved one? Oh, do not give up praying, for Christ is “mighty to save.” You are powerless to reclaim the rebel, but your Lord is Almighty…. The best proof of which lies in the fact that He has saved you.” Charles Spurgeon (January 14 Morning and Evening)

Grace Abounding to a Teenager

At the Sovereign Grace Pastors Conference last week we received exceptional teaching from God’s Word. As a mom, I was particularly encouraged by Jared Mellinger’s sermon on Psalm 78. In 2008, Jared succeeded Dave Harvey as the senior pastor of Covenant Fellowship Church, but as a teenager he slept through his father’s sermons and openly rebelled against his parents. God’s grace pursued this rebellious young man and he told a little of his story in his conference message.

In light of this week’s topic, we thought all mothers would be encouraged to hear the long version of Jared's testimony, which he shared with his church last year. It was Jared’s hope, and it’s ours as well, that his story would inspire, “increased confidence in the unstoppable power of the grace of God.”

We also wanted to recommend several other resources that may serve those with difficult teens:

1.   Get Outta My Face! by Rick Horne. Paul Tripp writes of this book: “Here is the wisdom of a man who has experienced the courage and hope that transforming grace can give to you and that hard teenager God has placed in your life.”

2.   The Journal of Biblical Counseling articles from Summer 2005 and Winter 2007 are full of insightful wisdom from God’s Word for leading teenagers.

3.   A recent interview w/ Bob Kauflin and his son, Devon, by Nicole’s husband, Steve Whitacre will provide hope and help for parents and is great to listen to along with your teen.

A Mother’s Conversation

I’ve been a mother to four teenagers now—three are adults and one is still a teen. I’ve had hundreds (probably thousands) of conversations with my kids. Most of these have been meaningful and memorable talks. But, like all sinful parents and teens, we’ve had difficult conversations as well; and over the years (I hope!) I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes.

The following is a list of seven “reminders” that have served me in those challenging conversations. These are not rules, but guidelines drawn from Scripture that have helped me as I seek to navigate these talks in a God-glorifying way. I’ve included key quotes and verses that have inspired these thoughts.

In prayerful dependence on the Holy Spirit, may I encourage you to…

1) Communicate humbly with your teen.

 “Teens will quickly detect Mom’s, Dad’s genuineness by their humility. Let us recall that we are weak people speaking to other weak people, who simply happen to be younger than us.” Rick Horne

“The most helpful thing to remember is that your teenager is more like you than unlike you…. There are very few struggles in the life of my teenager that I don’t recognize in my own heart as well…. Come [to the conversation] as a fellow sinner.” Paul David Tripp

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

2) Postpone talking if you’re angry.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

3) Postpone talking if your teen is angry.

“There are times when serious injury is done by urging the claims of religion. Your child is angry. His flushed cheeks and violent motions show the sinful irritation of his mind. Shall the mother now converse with him upon the wickedness of these feelings and God’s displeasure? No! It is unseasonable.” John S.C. Abbott

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out. Proverbs 17:14

4) Don’t talk too long.

“Guard against long and tedious conversations on religious subjects. The mind of a child cannot be fixed for any great length of time upon one subject without exhaustion. Every word that is uttered, after there are manifestations of weariness, will do more harm than good.” John S.C. Abbott

“Listen, don’t lecture. You can usually say all you need to say in about 2 minutes and 30 seconds before you start repeating yourself.” Kenneth Maresco

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. Proverbs 10:19

5) Correct only what you must; overlook what you can.

 I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. John 16:12

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

6) Acknowledge your own sin.

 “Even if you are only 10 percent to blame for a given conflict, Jesus’ words from Matthew 7 apply to you as much as if you had been 90 percent to blame. You need to acknowledge 100 percent of your 10 percent. The point of Jesus’ teaching is that the first and most important thing for you to realize in any conflict is how your own blindness and sin contributed to the problem.” Rick Horne

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5

7) Don’t let the conversation end until you have encouraged your teen.

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul. Proverbs 16:24

A good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25

A Mother’s Prayer

If you are the mother of a rebellious child, the great pastor Charles Spurgeon has some encouraging counsel for you:

Are you “driven in a corner” today by an ungodly child? Then may I encourage you to “flee to the strong for strength”? Jesus delights to comfort you, to give you hope, and to hear your prayers.

Last year we started The FAM Club to encourage fasting and prayer for members of our family, and we wrote several posts that I hope will remind you of the fruitfulness of persevering prayer:

A mother who prayed faithfully for the salvation her six daughters.
Charles Bridges' exhortation to persevering prayer.
The well-known story of Augustine’s mother.

Remember: “No case is hopeless while Jesus lives.”

A Mother’s Pride

“A foolish son is a sorrow to his mother” it says in Proverbs. Some of you know all too well the truth of these words. If you have a wayward son or daughter your sorrow may have many shades and sides:

You may feel grief—grief over the foolish choices that bring consequences to your child, pain to others, and reproach to God’s name.

You may know fear—fear of the future and what will happen to your child and to your family. Will they ever turn from their sins? Will they ever trust in God? Will our relationship ever be restored?

You may have regret—regret over discipline not given, sin unchecked, and regret over angry words spoken and unloving actions taken.

You may feel shame—shame before other parents (What do they think of me now?) and even shame before God (Is He disappointed in me?).

Certainly, there is a place for sadness and self-examination. But we can’t get stuck there. We must not wallow in our deficiencies. We must not think that success or failure depends entirely upon our parenting, because it doesn’t. We must resist the temptation to make our children’s behavior all about us. We must turn our gaze to God.

You see, excessive self-focus reveals what we believe in. It reveals pride. As moms we can be proud when our children are doing well, by taking credit for their good behavior and receiving the praise of others as if it was due to us. But did you know we can also be proud when our children are doing poorly? If we believe their foolish choices are solely the result of our failures, or if we are consumed by fear of what others think about us, or if we rely on our words and methods to change their hearts, we prove we are leaning on ourselves, hoping in ourselves, wanting glory for ourselves, instead of trusting in God.

So if you know the sorrow of a wayward child may I encourage you—stop staring at your failures. Lift up your eyes and look to God. Receive his comfort in your grief, His joy for your fear, His forgiveness for your sin, His righteousness for your shame, His hope for your future.

Mothering Teens Recap

The past few weeks Mom has covered four deals for mothers of teenagers, all adapted from our book, Girl Talk:

Faith

Example (pt. one, two, and three)

Love (pt. one, two, and three)

Discipline (pt. one, two, three and four)

Next week we want to offer counsel and encouragement to moms of rebellious or wayward teenagers. God wants to give you hope, and yes, even help you to laugh at the time to come (Pr. 31:25). 

Speaking of laughter, be sure to check back later today for the Friday Funnies.