Young Children

Womanly Dominion.The Gospel.Our Children.

Your mission, dear mother, is not to make your children happy, but to prepare them for eternity…You must relentlessly evangelize their never-dying souls.” (Womanly Dominion p. 127-128)

In chapter eight of Womanly Dominion, Mark Chanski highlights the most important job we have as mothers: to preach the gospel to our children. This passion should infuse every part of our daily lives, whether in word or action. God has graciously provided many tools to help us evangelize our children. Here are a few age appropriate ideas:

For Parents:

Your Child's Profession of Faith

Newborn (and up):

"The Gospel Song" (I sing this as a lullaby to my two girlies every night)

Toddlers (and up):

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name

Children:

The Gospel for Children: A Simple, Yet Complete Guide to Help Parents Teach Their Children the Gospel of Jesus Christ

Of course we can’t save our children or force them to turn to Christ: “Salvation belongs to the Lord!” (Jonah 2:9). But we must intercede for their never-dying souls, and daily, passionately, tell them the good news:

Holy God in love became

Perfect man to bear my blame

On the cross he took my sin

By his death I live again

("The Gospel Song")

Fool Moon Rising

On Thursday we received a special new book from Pop-Pop: Fool Moon Rising by Kristi Fluharty and T. Lively Fluharty; so I took a break from school to read to my two younger boys.

The amazing illustrations captured the boys’ attention right away; they listened closely as I read. Fool Moon Rising is a short and simple story that is beautifully told and rich in content: One proud little moon learns a much-needed lesson in humility.

Warning (as in our case): Mom may experience more conviction than child. How much I am like that proud little moon!

After reading, I asked my son Liam: “What is one way you are tempted to boast?”

“That I run fast!” he replied

Then he paused, smiled, and with a little more authority repeated: “I run fast!”

Hardly the picture of conviction. I think we’ll have to read the book again. Many times. But how grateful I am for this story that exposes his pride and encourages him to glory in the Savior.

I can’t improve on Dad’s endorsement:

As a grandpa, I treasure books I can share with my grandchildren, books that are both theologically informed and beautifully illustrated. Unfortunately, these can be scarce. Fool Moon Rising is a rare find: a children's book that describes how understanding the greatness of God transforms proud hearts into humble ones--something that can happen only in the shadow of the cross. I'm looking forward to reading it with my grandkids.

Thanks so much, Dad, for this little treasure!

Family Talk and a Giveaway

On Sunday evening the Mahaney clan gathered at Dad and Mom’s house for dinner. The weather was mild, so we ate outside on the patio and sat around talking until after dark. The boys played wiffle ball and the girls staked out the sandbox; then, when night came, they all hunted groundhogs with flashlights.
 
The adult conversation usually covers a wide variety of topics—from theology to sports to politics to humor—all in a matter of a few minutes. But this evening we were focused on one topic: being parents.
 
That’s because of an interview request from Steve & Candice Watters, authors of the book and blog Start Your Family. This couple’s heart is to “encourage couples to be intentional about their timeline in the early years of marriage and to trust God to help them boldly launch their families.”
 
We spent a delightful hour talking about the joys of children and the blessing of family and you can read the interview at startyourfamily.com. Due to space limitations, they were only able to publish part of our conversation, so if you are interested you can download the entire interview.
 
And the giveaway? You can win a copy of Start Your Family:Inspiration for Having Babies, courtesy of Steve & Candice. Just be one of the first three people to contact us and request a copy. To qualify you must be engaged or newly married without kids.
 
Thanks, Steve and Candice for the opportunity to reflect upon God’s gift of family!

UPDATE: Congratulations to our winners: Hannah, Whitney, & Karen!

Monsters Under the Bed

My three-year-old Caly often wakes up screaming in the dead of night. Jolted out of sleep, I run to her room as fast as I can only to be greeted with the same two words: “I’m scared.”
 
“What are you scared of Caly-girl?” I ask
 
“I’m just scared,” she whimpers.
 
A few hugs and kisses and she’s happy to be tucked back in to bed.
 
Well do I remember my own night-time fears as a child. Just ask me about my lobster dream sometime. It still gives me shivers.
 
So how do we help our small children deal with middle-of-the night fears?
 
Dr. Russell Moore—himself a father of small children—recently offered this insightful answer:
 
“The kids know—they instinctively know—that they're living in a universe in which something's gone awry. It's not our job—as parents, or as Sunday school teachers—to disengage that. It's our job to come in and to provide an answer to that. Yeah, you're living in an enchanted world. Yeah, you're living in a haunted world. You're living in a world haunted by demonic powers. That's exactly right—what you deeply fear is indeed the case... Your worrying about the monster under the bed isn't unreasonable; there's a monster under the fabric of the cosmos. Instead, we give them a story that provides the only comfort that really is lasting comfort; it's a comfort that the enemies have been defeated."

I am going to add a few words to my middle of the night hugs and kisses routine. Yes, Caly-girl, we live in a scary world, but we don’t need to be afraid. The monster has been crushed. And the One who crushed him, He’s right here in this room.

HT: Between Two Worlds

Battle at the Bradshaws

A small battle broke out in the Bradshaw house on Sunday. Caly refused to eat a bite of her toast. No, I didn’t say peas or green beans. We went to war over jelly toast.

I knew from experience I might be in for a long wait before she’d take the mandatory bite. That’s okay. I was ready. I was going to win.

Or was I?

As the clocked ticked on, temptation grew stronger. Anger and impatience began to characterize my speech. After an hour I lay my head down on the table and cried. Will she ever eat this bite? Will she ever obey? Will we ever see any fruit from our parenting? My heart was full of despair and unbelief.

I’m not the first mom to face the challenge of a disobedient child. In the introduction to Elisabeth Elliot’s book The Shaping of a Christian Family she reprints an article by her mom recounting a similar battle with her firstborn son, Phillip. It was milk instead of jelly toast, but Mom patiently waited and insisted on full obedience. Phil eventually drank his milk.

Years later he wrote a letter to his parents thanking them for teaching him to obey. It worked! By the grace of God, their consistent discipline bore fruit! As a grown man, their son was grateful for all the benefits of their faithful correction. What a perfect illustration of Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Back in the Bradshaw kitchen, God did give me grace to repent from my anger, unbelief and despair and persevere in training my daughter. After two hours Caly ate her toast and there was much rejoicing in our kitchen. It’s not the last of our battles and probably not the last of my sinful anger and unbelief. But I pray it will be another reminder of my need to trust in the Lord and diligently train my little ones in the way they should go--so that when they are old, they will not depart from it.

Waiting With Liam

My middle son Liam can’t wait for his birthday to get here. He’ll be five. And he’ll get to go to Noodles and Co. for his favorite buttered noodles with Parmesan cheese. Actually, he didn’t quite understand why we didn’t go to Noodles today. I tried to explain that his birthday is still five days away. He keeps asking, though, not quite comprehending the delay.

Watching Liam eagerly wait for his birthday this week made these thoughts from Iain Duguid all the more relevant: 

“Those of us who have very young children know how difficult waiting can be. We live through their annual anguish of waiting for birthday parties. Each day of the week—or, in some cases, the month—before their birthdays roll around, they wake up with the question, “is it my birthday yet?” Finally, the great day arrives, and you immediately have to convince them that 6:30 a.m. is not the ideal time of day for a party. By 6:45 a.m. they are thoroughly convinced that you don’t love them, and that all this talk of a party is nothing but a cruel hoax. At this point, you know it’s going to be a long day!

Don’t we often act toward God like little children? We kick and fuss and scream because we want what God has promised, and we want it now. Never mind that preparations need to be made and that other people need to be invited. But, like a patient and long-suffering parent, God bides his time, neither delaying nor hurrying, until everything is in place. Then—and not a moment sooner—he gives us the good things he has promised.”

Liam only has to wait five days for his birthday. You might have to wait five, or fifty years for a good thing God has promised. But just as sure as Liam’s birthday will come on October 1, so God will not fail to fulfill His promises to you. So let’s all learn along with Liam this week to wait…patiently.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.” Psalm 37:7,9

The little white bear and some manners

“Children learn manners mostly by example. It’s only when they don’t pick up on some detail that we must point out their lapses…manners are a cut-to-the-chase way of teaching important life lessons.”

Just as we learned many life lessons from the books we read after dinner, the same can be said about dinnertime manners. Table manners may seem insignificant but, as the author points out in the quote above, they reinforce important qualities such as courtesy, love for others, and self-control.

When I think about dinnertime manners, my mind immediately jumps to a white teddy bear with a red and white striped hat that played Jingle Bells when you squeezed his paw. This little guy was the much-coveted prize of the “Mahaney Dinnertime Manners Contest.”

There was a time when the manners of my sisters and myself…well, let’s just say that you wouldn’t have wanted to come to our house for dinner. The regular reminders of “no elbows on the table,” “no talking with food in your mouth,” “no eating with your fingers” and “no interrupting” seemed to be falling on deaf ears. (Sorry, Dad and Mom!) Drastic action was needed and so the “Manners Contest” was born.

Rules? We had one week (one week!) to reform our backwards dinnertime habits and re-acquaint ourselves with our silverware. Dad and Mom would be the official judges, observing us closely at mealtimes and choosing a winner at the end of the week. The winner would receive the bear.

I wanted that bear so badly! I still remember thinking through my every move as I ate my chocolate chip pancakes (a Saturday night favorite). The week came to an end and it was time to announce a winner. And while there had been much growth in all of us, one daughter stood out above the rest. Yes, it just happened to be me. And to this day, it’s one of my favorite stories to recount to my sisters.

I hope this sparks your creativity. You may feel that you are constantly reminding your children to exercise better table manners. Don’t get discouraged! Consider using a game or a prize to motivate your children. You will not only teach them important lessons, but a life long family memory can be made. The little white bear that played Jingle Bells when you squeezed his paw has been forever recorded in the “Mahaney Family Memory Book” to be told, retold, and told one more time!

RoutineTalk: Some Concluding Remarks

As we draw this series to a close, we want to leave you with a few thoughts:

-A schedule is meant to serve, not rule. When it doesn’t serve, dismiss it. Lay it aside and pick it back up later.

-A schedule must be exercised in dependence upon God. It can greatly enhance our mothering, but it can never eliminate our need for God’s help.

-A schedule should be implemented humbly. We must avoid being self-righteous and judgmental in our communication about mothering practices. We must also avoid sinfully judging other women that they are being self-righteous and judgmental. In many cases they may simply be trying to help.

-A schedule is optional. You can certainly glorify God and be an effective mother without a schedule.

-A schedule is not the most important thing about us. Remember D.A. Carson’s admonition:

“So many Christians today identify themselves with some ‘single issue’ (a concept drawn from politics) other than the cross, other than the gospel. It is not that they deny the gospel. If pressed, they will emphatically endorse it. But their point of self-identification, the focus of their minds and hearts, what occupies their interest and energy is something else” (The Cross and Christian Ministry, p. 63).”

The gospel—and not a schedule—should always be what we’re most passionate about.  And this is not a suggestion.

RoutineTalk: For School-Age Children

At the beginning of every school year and at the start of every summer holiday, I create a new schedule for Chad. Then I sit down with him and fully explain the new plan, answer all his questions, and consider any reasonable requests for modification. The schedule is ready to go. Almost. For I’ve learned that what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. Some fine-tuning is required before the schedule starts to work efficiently.

“Efficiently” typically only lasts for a couple of weeks, before more conversation is needed. The schedule is tweaked where necessary and we’re back on track. Just when things are running smoothly a holiday or vacation arrives and wipes out the schedule completely. We’re back to square one.

So you may be wondering: Is a schedule really worth all the time and effort?

Yes! For many reasons. But perhaps most importantly, it cuts down on nagging. It prods on my behalf. The schedule tells Chad exactly what he needs to do, when he needs to do it, and how long it should take to complete. As the mother of a teenage son, anything that minimizes continual reminders and non-stop commands is well worth the effort. For less nagging means there is more time for laughter, affection and special mother-son conversations.

So, instead of constant nagging, let your schedule do the talking. By now, I hope you know that it’s just a suggestion.

RoutineTalk: Other Moms

Wouldn’t you just love to have coffee with a few experienced moms who could answer all your questions about putting your children on a schedule? While we wish we could set that up for each one of you, of course that isn't possible. But we think we've got the next best thing. We’ve asked a few moms to share how scheduling has worked for them, and we want to post their thoughts here for your benefit. So why not ask your husband for an hour at Starbucks and “take” these ladies with you! (Meet them here, here, and here.)

Each of these three women have multiple children and years of experience with scheduling. Most importantly, their lives, marriages, and children are bearing fruit and bringing glory to the Savior.

To serve you best, we asked these women to get as specific as possible. But as we’ve said before, please consult your doctor before putting an infant on a schedule. And of course, these kind women would like you to know that their schedule is just a suggestion.

RoutineTalk: For Multiple Children

Andrew just finished kindergarten! Actually, I feel like I just finished kindergarten or Homeschool 101.  The fact that Andrew can now read and that I have survived the school year with my sanity in tact is a testimony to the grace of God and my trusty little schedule.

I use my schedule as a guide and not a rigid routine. Its purpose is to serve my family; I don’t feel obligated to accomplish every item on a given day. The schedule doesn’t always go smoothly or perfectly, because my boys are little sinners like their mommy! But it has brought a degree of order to what would otherwise be a rowdy riotous day with a six, three, and two year old. I can’t imagine doing life, much less homeschool, without it.

7:00—7:30    Breakfast with Daddy
My husband reads the Bible to them and helps my oldest son to memorize Scripture.

7:30—8:00    Back on their beds with a few toys or books

8:00—9:00    School Time
The boys play in the basement for a few minutes while I clean up breakfast and then do school with Andrew. The younger two think they are doing school too, even though they are only coloring!

9:00—9:30    Show Time
They watch a tv show.

9:30—10:00    Blanket Time for Liam and Owen
(Andrew normally reads books on the couch during this time.)
The two younger boys get a snack and a toy and sit on their special blankets.  Then at the 15-minute mark I give them a different toy.  These are toys that they don't get to play with any other time of the day. I used to put their blankets side by side, but then they would throw toys from one blanket to the next or tempt each other to mischief. Since I moved their blankets to separate floors, it is working much better!

10:00—11:00    Play Outside

11:00—12:00    Chad Time
My brother comes and plays with them 3x per week.  This is a wonderful blessing. I recommend that all mothers have a mother's helper if possible.

12:00—3:00    Lunch and Naps

3:00—3:45     Project Time

3:45—4:15    Stroller Time
I have been training my three year old to hold on to the stroller when we are out (rather then riding). Taking walks around the neighborhood helps me reinforce this practice.

4:15—4:30    Pick-Up Toys

4:30—5:00    Video Time

5:00 - 5:15 - Table Time with books. 
I got this idea from my friend Beth when I lived in Chicago. She had her children sit quietly and read books at the end of the day. I have my boys sit at the kitchen table and give them each a different book to read. Then I set the time and finish making dinner in the kitchen right next to them. Last week, I needed more than 15 minutes, so I kept adding to the timer when they weren’t looking!

5:15—7:30     Dinner and Bedtime Routine

Scheduling—and can I say, re-evaluating and scheduling again—has really served me over this past year. It has not only made homeschooling Andrew possible, but it has enabled me to get a morning devotional time and some “down time” during naps. Scheduling has helped me to be intentional and proactive, rather than reactive in training my children.

Writing this post makes me excited about my summer schedule. And it’s just a suggestion, but why don’t you try a summer schedule too?

RoutineTalk: For Toddlers

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

Jack’s life is not so simple as Caly’s. He’s a three-year-old boy. (I can see you moms of sons smiling and nodding to yourselves. You understand.) So far, he’s an only child. He has no other siblings to fight play with. That means “Mommy” is his primary playmate and conjurer of entertainment. Jack—as much as I love him—is also a whiney child, and easily bored.

Schedule to the rescue again. The same principles that helped regulate Jack’s feeding and sleeping as an infant provide order, structure, purpose, and fun to Jack’s toddler days. There’s “breakfast time” and “toy time” and “school time” and “video time” and “outside time” and “table time,” mostly in ½ hour increments.  You get the idea. And so does Jack. Recently, I took him out of the bathtub and he excitedly announced, “It’s towel time!” (I guess there really is a time for EVERY matter under heaven!)

It took some effort to get his wake-time schedule up and running. I blocked out a week where I was home in the mornings and focused on moving Jack through his day. We have a timer (which has since been dunked in the bathtub) to help him know when it’s time to transition to the next activity. Mom encouraged me to label each part of the day to help him understand.

There’s always more tweaking and troubleshooting to do. But now that the structure is in place, I have great flexibility. I often shuffle the late-morning and afternoon activities around, depending on the day. Even if we miss a day, Jack easily slides back into his schedule the following morning.

Moms with multiple children might not need a schedule quite as intense as mine (that’s why it’s just a suggestion). But my three year old is a lot less whiney on a schedule. And so am I.

RoutineTalk: For Babies, Pt. 2

Caly leads a simple life.  She sleeps, she eats, and she has awake time.  That’s it. Her life is a constant three-hour cycle of eat/wake/sleep and in that order. And these are the building blocks of her schedule, which I’ve used since we arrived home from the hospital. The purpose of this schedule is to help set Caly’s internal body clock and to teach her how to fall asleep on her own.

EAT: Since birth, I have fed Caly every 2 ½ to 3 hours.  Now that she is 4 months it is every 3 to 3 ½ hours.  Warning!  These times are not universal to all babies.  I would encourage you to check with your doctor before regulating your child’s eating habits.  In my case, Caly was meeting all of the healthy growth charts and thriving on this particular feeding schedule.

To teach Caly the difference between day and night, I never let her sleep past her feeding time during the day. But at night, I allow her to sleep as long as she will. Now, at four months, she sleeps for a seven to nine hour stretch before she wakes up hungry.

WAKE: I work hard to give Caly awake time after she eats (the exception being her bedtime and nighttime feedings). This was especially difficult those first few weeks when she would often fall asleep nursing. But the extra effort paid off and her body quickly adapted to the pattern.

During awake periods, I give Caly some time to play alone in a safe place (for twenty minutes, or longer if she is happy). I want her to learn to entertain herself, rather than be solely dependent on the attention of others. This wasn’t always met with a smile at first. But I made sure she was fed, changed, and happy before I put her down. Now, my girly has begun to enjoy “swing time” and “floor time.” She plays with her fingers and talks to herself.

As I said yesterday, this advice is nothing new. In their book, The American Home, Catherine Beecher and Harriet Beecher Stowe (of Uncle Tom’s Cabin fame) write:

“Do not allow a child to form such habits that it will not be quiet unless tended and amused….A child who is trained to lie or sit and amuse itself, is happier than one who is carried and tended a great deal, and thus rendered restless and uneasy when not so indulged.”

Of course, awake time also includes special Mommy-Caly play-time: we sing songs, talk baby girltalk, and play with toys. There is also errand-time, playgroup-time, and other fun activities. I love spending every day with my girly!

SLEEP: A nap concludes our cycle.  Naps have always ranged in length from 1 to 2 hours.   A priority from the start has been to teach Caly to settle herself to sleep on her own.  This has meant some tears.  The first night that I let her cry herself to sleep, I cried too.  Mike was in full support of my plan for training Caly, and he was there to reassure me that this was good for her--even when everything in me wanted to run and pick her up. Now, I can put Caly down to sleep with very little or no crying at all.

Eat. Wake. Sleep. It’s not rocket science. But if you’re still a little fuzzy, I’ve attached an example of what a typical day might look like for Caly.  And it’s not the only way to do it, either. My mom used an eat/sleep/wake cycle, but always made sure her babies were awake when she put them in the crib. I’m not going to pretend it’s always easy. And yet the rewards—for Caly, for Mike, and for me are well worth the effort.

But don’t you be forgetting, it’s just a suggestion.

RoutineTalk: For Babies

Before Yahoo shuts down our email account due to the flood of requests for us to share HOW to put a baby on a schedule, let me set your minds at ease.  Over the next few days, we will be posting our specific schedules, from infancy to middle school. So stick around.

I’m up first. But before I tell you about Caly’s schedule, I want to fill you in on how I arrived at this scheduling decision.

Exactly one year ago this week, I found out that I was pregnant. As soon as those two little lines showed up on the pregnancy test, my motherhood journey began. The most pressing question before me: How do I do this mommy thing? Sure, I spent years babysitting and caring for my little brother and nephews, but this was gonna be different. I wasn’t going to give this one back at the end of the evening. She was going home with me.

The Bible doesn’t tell me whether or not to use a pacifier or to let my baby cry herself to sleep; but it does tell me where I can find the answers to these—and many other—questions. Just check out Titus 2:3-5: “Older women are…to train…the younger women…to love their children.” What wisdom is
found in these words!

But where do we start? Given the endless number of methods and opinions out there, it is easy to become overwhelmed or simply ignore the advice altogether.  However, neither reaction is in line with Titus 2.  So how do we know who to pursue for help?  How do we sift through all of the suggestions?  We need to be selective. I recommend that you look for women whose children are characterized by the fruit of self-control and obedience.  And when you find one, corner her.  Ask her to coffee. Tell her you will pay.  Bring your notepad and start writing.  Don’t underestimate the benefit that you will gain. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartache and trouble, simply by gleaning from the wisdom of experienced women.

For me, these conversations started close to home. I began to grill my mom and sisters. I intentionally sought out women at church.  “Tell me everything!  What worked?  What would you do differently?”

My conversations all led me to the same conclusion—babies thrive on schedules and order. This isn’t something new or novel that I discovered on my own.  I’m leaning on centuries of motherhood experience here (Susanna Wesley, Elisabeth Elliot, and many others).  And that brings me great comfort, especially in those moments when perseverance is required. 

So, the schedule that I will be sharing over the next few days is hardly original with me.  It has evolved from many conversations, and I offer it to you as—just a suggestion. 

Audio Resources for Parents

Here at girltalk we scour the internet daily, diligently searching for biblical resources to encourage you in biblical womanhood. I wish. Scouring the bathroom floor is more like it. But when something falls in our lap, we do try to be faithful to inform you.

Today we have two links that could make all the difference in your children’s lives.

First off, we have a treat for all you mothers of sons who diligently printed out every one of mom’s posts. (My current plan for Jack has only one goal: “Show Yourself Obedient, Son.” But Mom’s posts are money in the bank for me.) These posts were based on an article by Randy Stinson entitled “Show Yourself a Man.” And our faithful friend Justin Taylor (who does scour the internet in search of helpful resources) passed along a link to a series of audio messages given by Randy and based on the content of this article. Consider downloading these to your son’s ipod.

Secondly, for parents of young children--yes, we know you are desperate—help has arrived, in the form of pastor Kenneth Maresco. This father of five sons and one of the executive pastors at Covenant Life Church, is currently teaching a seminar for parents of young children. The first message was last Tuesday. Stay tuned for more.

Ok, it’s back to scrubbing the bathroom floor for me.