girltalk Blog

Doing What I Can

My little Claire is now over three months old—hard to believe! She has been such a sweet blessing to our family. This girlie is very loved (albeit a little roughly!) by her brothers, and returns their attention with lots of smiles.

For me, re-entering the newborn season after seven years has been delightful, but its also been an adjustment. It’s added a new layer of complexity to my life of caring for my three active boys. In addition to herding them all into the car to go somewhere, I’m also dragging the carrier (with baby inside!), the diaper bag, stroller, and other assorted gear. I’ve got to fit nursing in between carpool, lunch monitoring, homeschooling my youngest, making dinner and church meetings. I’m absolutely loving it, but I’m also having to adjust my expectations of what I can get done each day.

My quiet times have also changed. It is harder to get a quiet time, much less a quiet moment to meet with God. If Claire doesn’t sleep through the night (like last week when she had a cold), it is difficult to get up early. This unique season means I have to improvise in order to feed my soul. In the words of Jean Fleming, I need to “do what I can.”

Some days this means reading my Bible over Claire’s nap. It means putting worship music on while I work around the house, or listening to sermons online. I also try to read good books with short, simple Scripture meditations to give me a quick “shot” of truth. John Piper’s Godward Life volumes, and Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening are great resources. This time around, I’ve been blessed by Paul Tripp’s Shelter in the Time of Storm. His thoughts on Psalm 27 have provided just the daily refreshment I have needed. 

So, if you have a newborn like me, may you too be encouraged in the grace of God as you do what you can.

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Parenting Little Ones

Being a parent of young children can sometimes be a confusing experience. You face many new challenges that you don’t always know how to handle. Thankfully Scripture provides the clarity we so desperately need. And God has provided wonderful teachers to help us apply biblical principles in parenting to our every day lives.

On Saturday, my brother-in-law, Brian Chesemore, hosted a morning seminar on Parenting Ages Infant to Five. I’ve heard great things about it from my friends who trekked across the river to attend. You can listen and benefit without leaving your house. Simply download all three sessions:

Biblical Principles of Parenting

Training, Discipline, and the Rod

Questions and Answers (w/ Kristin Chesemore and Ben & Erin Wikner)
 
Enjoy!

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Q&A - Bedtime Routine

Q. How do I keep my child from getting out of bed multiple times every evening?

A. I asked my mom about this recently because I needed an answer! I would put my daughter Caly (4 years old) to bed, and for the next two hours or more, she would come out with a myriad of excuses—my favorite being the time she said she had “internal bleeding.” It’s amazing all the things a child can think of when they don’t want to go to sleep!
 
I was starting to lose my mind; or, to put it biblically, I was having difficulty with the fruit of patience. Instead of my day of training and caring for the kids ending at bedtime, it would drag on late into the evening.
 
It was also a problem for my babysitters (often my family). There were a number of nights when we came home to find her watching baseball with my dad—way past her bedtime. (But then, it doesn’t take much to convince Pop-Pop to change the rules!)
 
So as usual, I turned to my mother for help with this little problem, and you know what? She solved it! The “potty block” was born.
 
After our bedtime routine (the typical, reading, singing, praying) I give her books to read on her own and turn on her favorite music. Then I place one block (like a building block, but you could use whatever you want) at the end of Caly’s bed. This is her “pass” to come out of her room one time to use the bathroom. She brings the block with her and gives it to me or daddy (or babysitter when we are gone).
 
After potty, we tuck her back in and she is instructed not to get out of bed again. No more block means no more times out of bed. If she obeys, then she gets a sticker on her chart when she wakes up in the morning. (For the chart I just took a blank sheet of paper, drew a bunch of circles on it and hung it on the back of her door. When there are stickers covering all of the circles, she gets a surprise.). I play the sticker/chart thing up really big! But if she comes out of her room again without a block, then there is a specific consequence.
 
I’m telling you, it’s working! Took about a week of training for it to really stick and now she is doing great. I have started using “potty blocks” for other times during the day such as her rest time and play alone time. And ya know what? We are all happier! She’s happier, Mommy’s happier, and of course this makes Daddy happier! Thanks Mom!

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Strength For a Weary Mom

We began this series by asking: “How does the mom with young kids make the best use of her time when she doesn’t feel like she has any time?” We’ve looked at a few essential deals for this busy season:

1.    Preach the gospel to yourself (pt. one and two)
2.    Prize your husband (pt. one and two)
3.    Parent all the time (pt. one, two and three)
4.    Pay attention (pt. one, two and three)
5.    Pursue help in parenting.

I want to close the week by reminding you of one of my favorite promises from God’s Word.  Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

This verse was a source of strength to me when I was carrying my one year old, chasing my two year old and correcting my four year old. I didn’t feel like I was bearing much fruit, but this verse provided faith for the future.

My kiddos are now five, six and nine, and the challenges are a little different. I’m dealing with arguments between my five and six year old and the heart issues of my nine year old. But I’m still holding on to this wonderful promise.

May I encourage you to hold onto this verse as you seek to faithfully sow into the lives of your little ones? The harvest won’t come today. And it won’t come tomorrow. Maybe not even next year or the year after that.

But we must be faithful to sow today. Faithful to train. Faithful to teach. Faithful to discipline. Faithful to love. Or, as it says in this passage, faithful to “do good.” And we must trust God that He will fulfill His promises, that we will reap a harvest in due season if we do not give up.

My expectations are not for today, or even tomorrow—but my hope is in God who has promised that, someday, my labors will bear fruit for Him. Even though my body is weary, my soul gains new strength from this promise.

I pray it strengthens you as well.

—from the archives

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“Walking With the Wise” Giveaway

The new Sovereign Grace kid’s album, Walking With the Wise, debuted this week and today we have ten CD’s to give away. Hmmm…maybe we’ll start that girltalk music department after all.

With lyrics drawn from the book of Proverbs, this album includes songs such as: “W-I-S-D-O-M,” “Lazy Bones,” and “A Cheerful Heart.” What’s more, the catchy music is fun for kids and easy on a mom’s ears.

Speaking of ears, one of my favorites songs already is “All Ears:”

I wanna be all ears when Mom is speaking

All ears when Dad is teaching

There’s a lot I don’t know

And they’ve been around a whole lot of years

And have covered some ground

Their words will make me wise, so I’m all ears

I’ve always disliked listening to songs on repeat. But I’m making an exception with this song. We are going to wear it out.

One more thing I love about Sovereign Grace kids CDs – there is always a special surprise track, just for moms. At least, that’s how I like to think of it. On the last album it was “Peace.” Every time it comes on, Jack says, “This is your favorite song, isn’t it, Mom?” You betya, my son.

On Walking with the Wise, I think the secret song for moms is “Who Can Say.” Listen and see if it doesn’t reduce you to grateful-for-the-gospel tears.

So, for the giveaway—be one of the first ten people to email and tell us your favorite line from a Sovereign Grace kids album. And thanks to Sovereign Grace Ministries for providing these CD’s.

UPDATE, 4:50 PM: We have our winners! Thanks to all who entered.

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Summer Plans

School is almost out and it’s time to make summer plans—swimming and biking, eating dinner on the back porch, and berry picking (I guess Janelle has already gone to the Strawberry patch).

But here’s an idea for you—in addition to the fun activities, do one thing this summer that you’ll be really glad you did come Fall.

Last summer, when we knew we were going to homeschool our oldest son Jack (at least for first grade), I ordered curriculum and got advice from other moms. But I also needed to prepare someone else—my (then) two year old Tori.

If I was going to teach Jack, I needed more than five minutes of peace at one time. And I didn’t want Tori to sit in front of the TV all morning! So, throughout the summer I eased Tori into a new daily rhythm.

Each day she had “kitchen time” and “puzzle time” and “coloring time.” She also had lots of breaks where she and Jack ate their snack and played together. I gradually increased these times from a few minutes to 30-45 minute blocks.

The strategy paid off and our transition into homeschooling—though not without its challenges—was smoother than I had expected.

Whether your kids (or you) are going to school this fall, or if you are homeschooling or teaching a class, think about one thing you can do in June that you’ll be glad you did come September.

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Going Bye-Bye

As any mom with small children will tell you, “getting out the door” is an exercise in craziness and chaos. Screaming fits and blow-out diapers, lost keys and runaway children all wait for the moment you want to go somewhere.
 
Just. Get. In. The. Car.
 
But when my four-year-old daughter Caly was younger, I read a suggestion from one mom about training your children to sit quietly in one spot. I decided this would come in handy for when I was trying to leave the house.
 
I worked with Caly and she soon got the hang of it. And a few weeks ago, I began to teach eighteen-month-old MJ.
 
Every morning after breakfast we have “sit time.” Even though MJ only says a handful of words, she knows exactly what I’m talking about. She and Caly go to the stairs and sit on separate steps until the timer goes off. We started with one minute and increased the time bit by bit as the weeks went on.
 
It’s hilarious to watch. Every muscle in MJ’s body wants to stand up, but she’s learning to sit still and can now do so for a grand total of five minutes! Caly loves “being a good example” and showing MJ how to obey. We cheer and clap when that little timer goes off.
 
This little exercise makes the “getting out the door” process a lot more peaceful. The girls sit quietly while I search for my lost keys! But more importantly, MJ is learning obedience and self-control—the peaceful fruit of which I pray she’ll reap for the rest of her life.

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Womanly Dominion.The Gospel.Our Children.

Your mission, dear mother, is not to make your children happy, but to prepare them for eternity…You must relentlessly evangelize their never-dying souls.” (Womanly Dominion p. 127-128)

In chapter eight of Womanly Dominion, Mark Chanski highlights the most important job we have as mothers: to preach the gospel to our children. This passion should infuse every part of our daily lives, whether in word or action. God has graciously provided many tools to help us evangelize our children. Here are a few age appropriate ideas:

For Parents:

Your Child’s Profession of Faith

Newborn (and up):

“The Gospel Song” (I sing this as a lullaby to my two girlies every night)

Toddlers (and up):

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name

Children:

The Gospel for Children: A Simple, Yet Complete Guide to Help Parents Teach Their Children the Gospel of Jesus Christ

Of course we can’t save our children or force them to turn to Christ: “Salvation belongs to the Lord!” (Jonah 2:9). But we must intercede for their never-dying souls, and daily, passionately, tell them the good news:

Holy God in love became

Perfect man to bear my blame

On the cross he took my sin

By his death I live again

(“The Gospel Song”)

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Fool Moon Rising

On Thursday we received a special new book from Pop-Pop: Fool Moon Rising by Kristi Fluharty and T. Lively Fluharty; so I took a break from school to read to my two younger boys.

The amazing illustrations captured the boys’ attention right away; they listened closely as I read. Fool Moon Rising is a short and simple story that is beautifully told and rich in content: One proud little moon learns a much-needed lesson in humility.

Warning (as in our case): Mom may experience more conviction than child. How much I am like that proud little moon!

After reading, I asked my son Liam: “What is one way you are tempted to boast?”

“That I run fast!” he replied

Then he paused, smiled, and with a little more authority repeated: “I run fast!”

Hardly the picture of conviction. I think we’ll have to read the book again. Many times. But how grateful I am for this story that exposes his pride and encourages him to glory in the Savior.

I can’t improve on Dad’s endorsement:

As a grandpa, I treasure books I can share with my grandchildren, books that are both theologically informed and beautifully illustrated. Unfortunately, these can be scarce. Fool Moon Rising is a rare find: a children’s book that describes how understanding the greatness of God transforms proud hearts into humble ones—something that can happen only in the shadow of the cross. I’m looking forward to reading it with my grandkids.

Thanks so much, Dad, for this little treasure!

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Family Talk and a Giveaway

On Sunday evening the Mahaney clan gathered at Dad and Mom’s house for dinner. The weather was mild, so we ate outside on the patio and sat around talking until after dark. The boys played wiffle ball and the girls staked out the sandbox; then, when night came, they all hunted groundhogs with flashlights.
 
The adult conversation usually covers a wide variety of topics—from theology to sports to politics to humor—all in a matter of a few minutes. But this evening we were focused on one topic: being parents.
 
That’s because of an interview request from Steve & Candice Watters, authors of the book and blog Start Your Family. This couple’s heart is to “encourage couples to be intentional about their timeline in the early years of marriage and to trust God to help them boldly launch their families.”
 
We spent a delightful hour talking about the joys of children and the blessing of family and you can read the interview at startyourfamily.com. Due to space limitations, they were only able to publish part of our conversation, so if you are interested you can download the entire interview.
 
And the giveaway? You can win a copy of Start Your Family:Inspiration for Having Babies, courtesy of Steve & Candice. Just be one of the first three people to contact us and request a copy. To qualify you must be engaged or newly married without kids.
 
Thanks, Steve and Candice for the opportunity to reflect upon God’s gift of family!

UPDATE: Congratulations to our winners: Hannah, Whitney, & Karen!

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Monsters Under the Bed

My three-year-old Caly often wakes up screaming in the dead of night. Jolted out of sleep, I run to her room as fast as I can only to be greeted with the same two words: “I’m scared.”
 
“What are you scared of Caly-girl?” I ask
 
“I’m just scared,” she whimpers.
 
A few hugs and kisses and she’s happy to be tucked back in to bed.
 
Well do I remember my own night-time fears as a child. Just ask me about my lobster dream sometime. It still gives me shivers.
 
So how do we help our small children deal with middle-of-the night fears?
 
Dr. Russell Moore—himself a father of small children—recently offered this insightful answer:
 
“The kids know—they instinctively know—that they’re living in a universe in which something’s gone awry. It’s not our job—as parents, or as Sunday school teachers—to disengage that. It’s our job to come in and to provide an answer to that. Yeah, you’re living in an enchanted world. Yeah, you’re living in a haunted world. You’re living in a world haunted by demonic powers. That’s exactly right—what you deeply fear is indeed the case… Your worrying about the monster under the bed isn’t unreasonable; there’s a monster under the fabric of the cosmos. Instead, we give them a story that provides the only comfort that really is lasting comfort; it’s a comfort that the enemies have been defeated.”

I am going to add a few words to my middle of the night hugs and kisses routine. Yes, Caly-girl, we live in a scary world, but we don’t need to be afraid. The monster has been crushed. And the One who crushed him, He’s right here in this room.

HT: Between Two Worlds

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Battle at the Bradshaws

A small battle broke out in the Bradshaw house on Sunday. Caly refused to eat a bite of her toast. No, I didn’t say peas or green beans. We went to war over jelly toast.

I knew from experience I might be in for a long wait before she’d take the mandatory bite. That’s okay. I was ready. I was going to win.

Or was I?

As the clocked ticked on, temptation grew stronger. Anger and impatience began to characterize my speech. After an hour I lay my head down on the table and cried. Will she ever eat this bite? Will she ever obey? Will we ever see any fruit from our parenting? My heart was full of despair and unbelief.

I’m not the first mom to face the challenge of a disobedient child. In the introduction to Elisabeth Elliot’s book The Shaping of a Christian Family she reprints an article by her mom recounting a similar battle with her firstborn son, Phillip. It was milk instead of jelly toast, but Mom patiently waited and insisted on full obedience. Phil eventually drank his milk.

Years later he wrote a letter to his parents thanking them for teaching him to obey. It worked! By the grace of God, their consistent discipline bore fruit! As a grown man, their son was grateful for all the benefits of their faithful correction. What a perfect illustration of Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Back in the Bradshaw kitchen, God did give me grace to repent from my anger, unbelief and despair and persevere in training my daughter. After two hours Caly ate her toast and there was much rejoicing in our kitchen. It’s not the last of our battles and probably not the last of my sinful anger and unbelief. But I pray it will be another reminder of my need to trust in the Lord and diligently train my little ones in the way they should go—so that when they are old, they will not depart from it.

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Waiting With Liam

My middle son Liam can’t wait for his birthday to get here. He’ll be five. And he’ll get to go to Noodles and Co. for his favorite buttered noodles with Parmesan cheese. Actually, he didn’t quite understand why we didn’t go to Noodles today. I tried to explain that his birthday is still five days away. He keeps asking, though, not quite comprehending the delay.

Watching Liam eagerly wait for his birthday this week made these thoughts from Iain Duguid all the more relevant: 

“Those of us who have very young children know how difficult waiting can be. We live through their annual anguish of waiting for birthday parties. Each day of the week—or, in some cases, the month—before their birthdays roll around, they wake up with the question, “is it my birthday yet?” Finally, the great day arrives, and you immediately have to convince them that 6:30 a.m. is not the ideal time of day for a party. By 6:45 a.m. they are thoroughly convinced that you don’t love them, and that all this talk of a party is nothing but a cruel hoax. At this point, you know it’s going to be a long day!

Don’t we often act toward God like little children? We kick and fuss and scream because we want what God has promised, and we want it now. Never mind that preparations need to be made and that other people need to be invited. But, like a patient and long-suffering parent, God bides his time, neither delaying nor hurrying, until everything is in place. Then—and not a moment sooner—he gives us the good things he has promised.”

Liam only has to wait five days for his birthday. You might have to wait five, or fifty years for a good thing God has promised. But just as sure as Liam’s birthday will come on October 1, so God will not fail to fulfill His promises to you. So let’s all learn along with Liam this week to wait…patiently.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.” Psalm 37:7,9

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The little white bear and some manners

“Children learn manners mostly by example. It’s only when they don’t pick up on some detail that we must point out their lapses…manners are a cut-to-the-chase way of teaching important life lessons.”

Just as we learned many life lessons from the books we read after dinner, the same can be said about dinnertime manners. Table manners may seem insignificant but, as the author points out in the quote above, they reinforce important qualities such as courtesy, love for others, and self-control.

When I think about dinnertime manners, my mind immediately jumps to a white teddy bear with a red and white striped hat that played Jingle Bells when you squeezed his paw. This little guy was the much-coveted prize of the “Mahaney Dinnertime Manners Contest.”

There was a time when the manners of my sisters and myself…well, let’s just say that you wouldn’t have wanted to come to our house for dinner. The regular reminders of “no elbows on the table,” “no talking with food in your mouth,” “no eating with your fingers” and “no interrupting” seemed to be falling on deaf ears. (Sorry, Dad and Mom!) Drastic action was needed and so the “Manners Contest” was born.

Rules? We had one week (one week!) to reform our backwards dinnertime habits and re-acquaint ourselves with our silverware. Dad and Mom would be the official judges, observing us closely at mealtimes and choosing a winner at the end of the week. The winner would receive the bear.

I wanted that bear so badly! I still remember thinking through my every move as I ate my chocolate chip pancakes (a Saturday night favorite). The week came to an end and it was time to announce a winner. And while there had been much growth in all of us, one daughter stood out above the rest. Yes, it just happened to be me. And to this day, it’s one of my favorite stories to recount to my sisters.

I hope this sparks your creativity. You may feel that you are constantly reminding your children to exercise better table manners. Don’t get discouraged! Consider using a game or a prize to motivate your children. You will not only teach them important lessons, but a life long family memory can be made. The little white bear that played Jingle Bells when you squeezed his paw has been forever recorded in the “Mahaney Family Memory Book” to be told, retold, and told one more time!

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RoutineTalk: Some Concluding Remarks

As we draw this series to a close, we want to leave you with a few thoughts:

-A schedule is meant to serve, not rule. When it doesn’t serve, dismiss it. Lay it aside and pick it back up later.

-A schedule must be exercised in dependence upon God. It can greatly enhance our mothering, but it can never eliminate our need for God’s help.

-A schedule should be implemented humbly. We must avoid being self-righteous and judgmental in our communication about mothering practices. We must also avoid sinfully judging other women that they are being self-righteous and judgmental. In many cases they may simply be trying to help.

-A schedule is optional. You can certainly glorify God and be an effective mother without a schedule.

-A schedule is not the most important thing about us. Remember D.A. Carson’s admonition:

“So many Christians today identify themselves with some ‘single issue’ (a concept drawn from politics) other than the cross, other than the gospel. It is not that they deny the gospel. If pressed, they will emphatically endorse it. But their point of self-identification, the focus of their minds and hearts, what occupies their interest and energy is something else” (The Cross and Christian Ministry, p. 63).”

The gospel—and not a schedule—should always be what we’re most passionate about.  And this is not a suggestion.

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