Growing up means experiencing lots of negative emotions; and not understanding why or what you’re supposed to do with those feelings can make them all the more confusing.
Keep a close eye on your teenager’s emotions. As they enter puberty begin to watch for changes in their emotions, unexpected outbursts or unusual weepiness. Look for patterns. Pray for wisdom. Pray that God would use these negative emotions to draw your son or daughter to Himself.
Talking to our teens about where these feelings come from and how to deal with them can make all the difference. Here are a few thoughts:
Bad Feelings Work for Good – remember, feelings are a gift from God, even bad feelings. Just as physical pain reveals the source of a cut or disease, so bad feelings tell us something’s wrong. Sometimes they show us our need for repentance. Other times, bad feelings—from a difficult situation or seemingly nowhere at all—drive us to God in desperation and prayer. And that’s a good thing! Bad feelings alert us to problems, draw us to God, and position us for grace. This can give our teenagers hope and encouragement as they grapple with negative emotions. God uses bad emotions for good things in our lives.
Bad Feelings Don’t Equal Truth – Our feelings—good and bad—are to help us glorify God, not replace God’s Word as the authority in our lives. Bad feelings may feel more true to a teenager than God’s Word but we need to help them understand that is a lie. Feelings don’t equal truth and we must not allow them to rule our lives. So if they feel depressed or anxious or fearful we can expose the lies which feed these feelings and point them to the truth of God’s Word. And just because they don’t feel like serving or obeying or entering into the family conversation doesn’t mean those feelings should be allowed to rule their lives.
Bad Feelings Have a Source– To help undercut the authority of bad feelings, demystify them by helping your children pinpoint their source(s). Is it that time of the month or are they overly tired? Did their bad feelings start with that comment someone made at school or with the announcement of that big test next week? What desires underlie their bad feelings—in other words, what would make their bad feelings go away? Teenagers are susceptible to strong cravings, and now is the time (not when they are a toddler!) to help them understand why they feel depressed.
More thoughts on helping teens handle bad feelings next week.