(While we wait for the phone to ring, I thought I’d tell you how we got here.)
“Having babies—it’s just not Nicole’s gift.” That was our family friend, Kimm Harvey’s opinion, delivered affectionately in her unmistakable Philly accent. She and my mom were talking after my second difficult delivery, which wasn’t as bad as the first one, but still, um, well, memorable. Let’s leave it at that.
Another dear friend told his wife that he would personally contribute to our adoption fund if only I would agree to not have any more children. (I think I need to let him know I’m ready to take him up on his offer.)
When Steve and I visited a specialist about a year after Tori’s birth to discuss the possibility of me having more children, the first words out of his mouth were, “Have you considered a surrogate mother?” Uh, no. Definitely not.
“You won’t die from childbirth” the doctor told us, but “you’‘ll have to be prepared for things to be a little crazy at the end.”
After lots of praying and counsel-seeking, we thought we were prepared. We decided to go ahead and try for another child. Maybe we were crazy.
We don’t have a conviction from Scripture about how many children a couple should have, but we do have a conviction that God loves families and works through families to build his church. And out of that conviction, and our own experience in wonderful, gospel-loving families, our desire for more children remained strong.
But months went by and I didn’t get pregnant.
So about a year ago, I asked Steve if we could rethink and pray over our decision again. He was more than willing, always being more anxious about my health than I was.
It was a difficult decision. There is no chapter and verse in the Bible that tells you how many children to have; it’s a wisdom issue. And boy did we need God’s wisdom! In the end, it came down to the question: “How can I best serve God’s kingdom?” And for me, the answer was to care first for my existing family by not putting my short or long-term health at risk.
But our desire for children remained strong, so we began to talk about adoption.
To be continued….