Rear them Tenderly

If your teenager remains unresponsive to your leadership, may I encourage you to obtain the help of godly friends or pastors? My children knew that if they refused to respond to C.J. and me, we wouldn’t hesitate to ask others to counsel them. They have since told us that this was an incentive to repent. We must not be too proud to position our teenagers to receive all the help they need. And in addition to requesting counsel for our teenagers, we should seek evaluation of our parenting as well.

The mother of famous nineteenth-century pastor Charles Spurgeon was an example of a woman who aggressively sought to bring her children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Her son wrote of her:

“I cannot tell how much I owe to the solemn words of my good mother….I remember on one occasion her praying thus: ‘Now, Lord, if my children go on in their sins, it will not be from ignorance that they perish, and my soul must bear a swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay not hold of Christ.’”

May we as mothers all be able to pray as Mrs. Spurgeon prayed. May we be faithful to discipline our children and so help them avoid both the temporary and eternal consequences of sin.

But our discipline must spring from and not be separated from our tender love. In fact, the phrase “bring them up” in Ephesians 6 has a distinct relational component and could be translated “rear them tenderly.” We show loving discipline by refraining from harsh or angry correction and by not withholding our affections—regardless of the nature or frequency of our teenagers’ sins.

Bringing our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is hard work. God never said it would be otherwise. But he has promised to provide help and assistance to all who call on His name. This promise gives us the faith and courage to discipline our teenagers with the end in view. They may not thank us for it right now. They may not thank us for a long time. But one day they will.

The book of James closes with this stunning promise: “Whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (James 5:20). Let’s be ready and willing to perform this merciful service for the teenagers we love.