Turn Up the Volume, Tune Out the Man

"Sisters, if you repeatedly attempt to control the man in your life, and if you disrespect him and the decisions he makes, you will get nothing for it but neglect and emotional abandonment. It is another of those mysterious paradoxes. There are plenty of witnesses to this truth all around--women who dismiss the biblical admonition, 'let the wife see [to it] that she respects her husband' (Ephesians 5:33). Instead, they try to their ever-loving' frustration to get their man to do what they think he should do--about every matter under the sun. But here is the thing: men naturally chafe and eventually flee from direct instruction from their wives. They do not change when you tell them to. And they never, ever will. When you turn up the volume, you tune out the man.

Instead, try indirect instruction….This is the way of a woman with a man. She teaches him primarily by example. When needed, she may appeal to his thoughtfulness and ask for his consideration, but she will not go further. He will be far more apt to give consideration to her words when they are heard as an appeal or a suggestion rather than as a directive. Think of it as the difference between casting a flashlight down the path versus pointing it in his face. Direct light causes us to close our eyes. Indirect light, pointed away from our eyes, causes us to strain to see."  --John Ensor, Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart, p. 99