Biblical Womanhood

Borrowing God’s Smile

I want to join Nicole in urging you to purchase Suffering and the Sovereignty of God edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor when it comes out in September. To increase your anticipation for this resource, and to encourage you in the midst of your trials, we will be quoting excerpts from the book each day for the remainder of the week.

Our first selection comes from one of our favorite authors and speakers, Joni Eareckson Tada (see Mom's post "When I saw Joni Dance"), founder of Joni & Friends, author of When God Weeps, and herself a quadrapalegic. In Suffering and the Sovereignty of God she contributes a chapter entitled: “Hope…The Best of Things.” The following is a brief passage from the chapter. Also, I want to encourage you to listen to the message on which this chapter was based, given at the 2005 Desiring God National Conference. May Joni’s reliance upon God’s strength provoke us all to greater dependence upon Him.

Please know that I am no expert at this wheelchair thing. I’m no professional at being a quadriplegic. There are so many mornings when I wake up and I can hear my girlfriend come to the front door to help me get out of bed and get ready for the day. She goes to the kitchen, turns on the water, and starts brewing coffee. I know that in a few moments she’s going to come gliding into the bedroom, where she’ll greet me with a happy, “Good morning!” And I am lying there with my eyes closed, thinking, O God, I can’t do this. I am so tired. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to lunchtime. O God, I’m already thinking about how good it’s going to feel when I get back to bed tonight and put my head on this pillow.

I’m sure you have felt that way at some point. Maybe you feel that way every morning. But Psalm 10:17 says, “O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear.” O God, I often pray in the morning, God, I cannot do this. I cannot do this thing called quadriplegia. I have no resources for this. I have no strength for this—but you do. You’ve got resources. You’ve got strength. I can’t do quadriplegia, but I can do all things through you as you strengthen me (Phil. 4:13). I have no smile for this woman who’s going to walk into my bedroom in a moment. She could be having coffee with another friend, but she’s chosen to come here to help me get up. O God, please may I borrow your smile?

Suffering and the Sovereignty of God

As Mom observed yesterday, one of the kindest things we can do for those experiencing trials or suffering is to point them to books that reveal the comfort of our Savior. Or maybe we are the ones currently walking through “The Valley of the Shadow of Death” or sinking in the “Slough of Despond” or clawing our way up “The Hill of Difficulty.”  So many of us have found the books Mom mentioned to be life preservers in trials both big and small.

Here at girltalk, we are pleased to announce that on September 7, 2006 we can add another invaluable resource to these “Selections for the Suffering.” Forthcoming from Crossway Books is a brand new title: Suffering and the Sovereignty of God edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor.

You will be able to read about the “Grace of God and Suffering” by David Powlison, discover “Hope…The Best of Things” along with the ever-hopeful Joni Eareckson Tada, and see “The Hand of God in the Hurt Others Do To Us” with Mark Talbot. Of course, John Piper will set your sights high above your trials and on the glorious sovereignty of God. Each of these authors (and there are more!) write from a personal experience of suffering. But more importantly, they write from a personal experience of God in the midst of suffering.

As John Piper writes: “My prayer for this book is that God would stand forth…and show us his crucified and risen Son who has all authority in heaven and on earth, and waken in us the strongest faith in the supremacy of Christ, and the deepest comforts in suffering, and the sweetest fellowship with Jesus that we have ever known.”

So, mark your calendars for September 7 and be among the first to purchase this book. As for myself, I can’t wait to be instructed and comforted by these trial-tested, God-glorifying men and women.

Help in Difficult Circumstances

I want to send a heart-felt “thank you” out to all of you who have prayed for me recently. I just returned from a weekend women’s conference in Charlotte, NC (I’ll fill you in on my time there in a couple of days) and tomorrow I am speaking at the first of three Titus 2 Tuesdays at Covenant Life Church. I continue to covet your prayers!

Among many memorable moments this past weekend, I spent time with a group of pastors’ wives at a luncheon. One of the questions these women asked was “how do we best help people walking through difficult and challenging circumstances?” It’s a question I receive often and one I never feel qualified to answer. What do you say to a person you are visiting in the hospital or do for a friend in a protracted family conflict? Just offering sympathy and quoting a verse can seem so inadequate.

There are many ways that we can and should extend care to individuals experiencing suffering. However, as I told these ladies, one simple way to serve them is by introducing them to wise, suffering-tested friends in the form of books.

Godly men and women who have spent time studying Scripture in depth on the topic of suffering, often experienced suffering themselves, and then written about it, are uniquely equipped to serve those in trial. They can walk with them, holding their hand if you will, through the questions, the struggles, and the pain—leading them ultimately to the Savior.

Several months back, following Hurricane Katrina, Nicole wrote a post recommending some resources on the topic of suffering. I’ve reposted it here by way of suggestion. To this list I would also add the book Janelle mentioned last week, Is God Really In Control? Trusting God in a World of Hurt? by Jerry Bridges.

Along with personal expressions of care and love, books such as these can truly be a great kindness to a suffering friend.

September 06, 2005
Preparing to Suffer

Whether or not we are suffering in the wake of Hurricane Katrina this week, author D.A. Carson points out that "The truth of the matter is that all we have to do is live long enough and we will suffer." It's not a question of "if" but merely of "when" we will suffer. Similarly, John Piper notes that: "We all will suffer; we all must suffer; and most American Christians are not prepared in mind or heart to believe or experience this."

Just as the time to shore up the levies protecting the city of New Orleans was before the hurricane hit, so the ideal time for each of us to prepare for suffering is before its howling winds swirl around us.

So how do we prepare our minds and hearts to experience suffering? We must dig deep into God's Word to shore up our spiritual foundations. And as an expression of His tender mercy, God has provided us with numerous helpful resources that expound His Word as it relates to suffering and applies these truths to our hearts. Here is our short list of the most excellent resources on this oft-neglected but desperately needed topic:

How Long O Lord: Reflections of Suffering and Evil
Besides my dad's opinion that this is the best book on suffering available today, I'll let a quote from this book by D.A. Carson serve as it's endorsement "In the darkest night of the soul, Christians have something to hang onto that Job never knew. We know Christ crucified. Christians have learned that when there seems to be no other evidence of God's love, they cannot escape the cross. 'He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?' (Rom. 8:32)."

When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty
From a life of intense personal suffering as a parapalegic, Joni Eareckson Tada along with co-author Steve Estes take us to the foot of the cross to view our own sufferings in light of the ultimate sacrifice of our Savior.

The Journal of Biblical Counseling
From our good friends at "The Journal" come two articles: "Exalting Pain? Ignoring Pain? What do we do with Suffering?" by Edward T. Welch (Vol. 12, No. 3, Spring 1994) which you can order by calling 800-318-2186, and "Counseling with Suffering People" by John Piper (Vol. 21, No. 2, Winter 2003), available on their website.

Finally, my personal favorite...

Beside Still Waters
When I was in the hospital following complications from giving birth to Jack, my dad came and read me passages from this amazing book. I still read it often and try to give it to as many suffering people as I know. It's a challenge to have to pick just one quote to share with you, but I want to close with this one. For although trials and suffering are inevitable, Charles Spurgeon has helped me to see that from a biblical perspective they are also a blessing, because--

"Trials greatly enlarge the soul. Thus I do not want, in my better mind, to escape great trials, since they involve great graces. If my strength shall be as my days (Deut. 33:25), then let my days be long and dark, for my strength will be mighty, God will be glorified, and I will be blessed. I earnestly urge every tested Christian to dwell on this truth, for it may be a great comfort. There is love, immortal and unchanging love, in heaven toward you, which will never grow cold. You will be helped. God will sooner cease to be than cease to be faithful. Be of good courage, for today He will strengthen your heart."

Whether you are in the midst of suffering from Hurricane Katrina, or preparing to meet your own personal hurricane someday, may you be of good courage, and may God strengthen your heart!

A Letter for Chad (and for you)

We’ve already spoken about Chad’s birthday several times this week. Before we leave this event to the family history books, we want to share one of Chad’s letters with you. As Mom explained on Monday, she and Dad wanted Chad to hear the “voices” of godly men he respects on this special occasion. To read Chad’s book of letters is to realize what a precious gift he has received in the lives and the words of these men.

One of the men who kindly wrote Chad a letter was Dad’s friend, David Powlison. While each letter was uniquely moving, Dr. Powlison’s words were not only applicable to a thirteen year old boy progressing toward manhood, but have been an encouragement to us all. So much so, that Dad even used this letter in a recent counseling situation, and we couldn’t refrain from asking permission to share it with all of you.

Please don’t skim this letter or read it too quickly. It is priceless biblical guidance from a wise man for all of us—young and old. I’m willing to bet you won’t get through it without being moved to tears as you contemplate the mercy of God in your life. So, please read it as if it was written to you. Then share it with a friend.

Our Burden Bearer

“Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Selah." (Psalm 68:19)

I’ve been suffering from various mild ailments for what seems like a month now. This is an especially busy week for me and I have been tempted to self-pity over my lack of strength.

This morning my husband prayed this verse for me. The note from my Reformation Study Bible sent me to Isaiah 46:1-4. Here the Lord contrasts the “bearing ability” of idols to that of the One True God: 

"Bel bows down; Nebo stoops; their idols are on beasts and livestock; these things you carry are borne as burdens on weary beasts. They stoop; they bow down together; they cannot save the burden, but themselves go into captivity. 'Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.'"

What is your burden today? They come in countless shapes and sizes—from clingy colds to crushing cares. But one thing’s for sure: our idols cannot bear their load. Leisure and escape don’t provide true rest. Sinful anger cannot relieve the pressure. Even friends are not strong enough to bear up under their full weight.

But have we forgotten? We have been borne by Christ since birth. He carried us from the womb and will not stop even when we are old and bent and gray. He alone has borne the full weight of our sin, and He alone can bear the burdens of life in a sinful world.

He doesn’t pop in once a week or every month to relieve us of our heavy load. Daily, everyday, today, He promises to bear us up.  He will carry and he will save. Today. So big or small, let’s cast our burdens on Him. God is our salvation.

Wise Words from a Pastor

As girltalk blog regulars know, I live on the other side of the great Potomac River from the rest of my family. Thankfully, all I have to do is drive across the American Legion Bridge to see them, which I do, with Jack in tow, at least once a week. (Can you sing, “Over the river and through the woods to MomMom’s house we go”?)

My husband Steve and I are blessed to be a part of Sovereign Grace Church of Fairfax (Virginia) where our senior pastor is a man named Mark Mullery. Mark and his wife Lesley are dear friends of ours, and Mark is an exceptional teacher of God’s Word who often speaks at Sovereign Grace Ministries conferences and teaches hermeneutics to the Pastors’ College students. Each year, at our church’s annual banquet to honor the small group leaders, Mark treats us to a brief, personal meditation on God’s Word.  It’s always memorable.

This year’s meditation was entitled “Come In” from Hebrews 10:19-22 and Mark has graciously given us permission to make it available to you. I highly recommend saving this for your quiet time. Mark’s words are worth pondering in an unhurried manner. I’ve provided the first paragraph to whet your appetite. Mark writes:

Here’s where I was the other night: felt discouraged, weary, slightly overwhelmed.  My joy-meter was reading in negative numbers. The cause?  No great suffering or trials here, just the everyday experience of looking ahead to the next couple of weeks with a lot to do and not enough time to do it all.  A couple of projects at home, no time to do them.  A teaching assignment to prepare for, but the slots I’d set aside got used up by unexpected meetings.  Teenagers who desire and require lots of conversation, but always after I’m in bed and wanting to be asleep.  Can you relate to this?  I think Pilgrim’s Progress calls this ‘The Slough of Despond.’  God calls it unacceptable.

If you can relate to Mark’s experience, then read on, and allow this wise pastor to pastor you through the “Slough of Despond” to joy and faith in Christ.

Watching

O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. Psalm 5:3

As I read this verse during my morning devotional time, I was struck by the last 2 words: and watch. It dawned on me that normally I only apply the first part of this verse: O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you.  But rarely do I follow up my praying with “watching” – which to summarize Spurgeon means to be on the look out for the answer to our prayers; to expect that God’s grace will come.

So, I am asking for the Holy Spirit’s help not only to pray, but to be on the look out for God’s gracious response to my prayers. May I encourage you to pray and watch today?

Please Pray for David Powlison

Yesterday, CJ received the following note from our dear friend and The Journal of Biblical Counseling editor, David Powlison:

I've just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. After some further tests, we'll discuss treatment next Monday, and it seems likely I'll be soon for surgery.
    Perhaps you saw John Piper's "Don't Waste Your Cancer" that he recently posted. I've added a paragraph of my own to each of his 10 paragraphs, doubling it in length. It is in light of this that I hope for prayer, for healing, for growth in faith and love, and for this latest news to be spread! I pray especially for God to work the spiritual grace of 'endurance,' that holy, vibrant bearing up under weaknesses. A body whose fragilities continually reveal a lack of physical endurance and resilience provides a God-designed proving ground for me to learn the true inner endurance, that I too often lack, and that I long for the Spirit to teach me.
    Feel free to share whatever of this note seems to you to be constructive. I value so much the love of the brethren.

You can download David Powlison's annotated version of John Piper's "Don't Waste Your Cancer" here. May we all be instructed by these two men and their Godward response to suffering. As we thank God for John Piper’s successful surgery, let us pray for David's impending treatment, and for complete healing for both their bodies and strength for their souls.

A Happy Soul

“Are you consistently keeping your soul happy in God?” It was an unexpected question. If Mark, our pastor and small group leader had asked, “Are you consistently practicing the spiritual disciplines?” I would have given a simple “yes.” But this question required a more thoughtful response. Do I emerge from my quiet time happy? Hmmmm. “In all honesty, I would have to say ‘no.’"

This question that Mark put to our care group several weeks ago was drawn from the personal reflections of nineteenth-century pastor, George Mueller:

“I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord. The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man might be nourished.”

It was easy for my friends to diagnose my lack of joy in God, for it’s a common malady. I had unconsciously “shifted from the gospel of grace” (Col. 1:21-23). My quiet times had become a dreary recounting of all my sins from the previous day, a period of morbid introspection over the cause of those sins, and an anxiety over my lack of progress in mortification. No wonder my soul wasn’t happy!

So I decided to, as my dad says, “restrict my spiritual diet;” to stand squarely on the bedrock of my joy--the glorious truths of the gospel. Because, as our dear friend Mr. Spurgeon writes:

“Here in the cross is where every enemy of joy is overcome: divine wrath, as he becomes a curse for us; real guilt, as he becomes forgiveness for us; lawbreaking, as he becomes righteousness for us; estrangement from God, as he becomes reconciliation for us; slavery to Satan, as he becomes redemption for us; bondage to sin, as he becomes liberation for us; pangs of conscience, as he becomes cleansing for us; death, as he becomes the resurrection for us; hell, as he becomes eternal life for us.”

You know what? Now I come out of my quiet time happier than when I went in! I’m still the greatest sinner I know, but I am a sinner clothed in the righteousness of Christ. And that truth, as it sinks in, permeates my soul with joy.

So how about you, is your soul happy? Is it spin around, laugh out loud, grin ‘till it hurts, happy in God? If not, then come with me to the cross. And gaze awhile.

Q & A - A Holy Longing

Several of you have kindly asked how I am doing in the midst of all the excitement surrounding Caly’s birth. As long-time readers may remember, I first posted back in August about my struggle with secondary infertility following the birth of our son Jack three years ago. As of today, my husband Steve and I still have not been able to get pregnant. And we still don’t know why.

Yet, in answer to your inquiries—which blessed me very much, I must say—I am doing excellently well! I honestly couldn’t be more thrilled about the birth of my little niece! There are times, I think, when God mercifully spares us from temptations which, given the wretched sinfulness of our hearts, should in fact, be present. This, for me, is one of those grace-flooded times.

For many of you out there, who have yet to see two lines on a pregnancy test, I realize that the posts about Caly’s birth may have felt like someone rubbing sandpaper over a scab. In a word, painful. What do I do with this unfulfilled longing that won’t go away? you wonder.

First of all, stop for a moment and thank God for this desire. Genuinely thank Him for this longing. He’s the one who put it in your heart; and when submitted to His sovereign goodness, it is a holy desire.

Tragically, on this very day, many women will spite this God-given desire and choose to end the life of their unborn baby. Recently, blogger Justin Taylor reported a story out of Scotland where a mother is suing a hospital over an unsuccessful abortion, which one of her twin babies survived. The mother is quoted as saying, “I still don’t know if, or what, I am going to tell Jayde [her surviving daughter] when the time comes. Maybe when she is nine or ten I will sit her down and explain it to her.”

Justin writes, “Try to imagine that conversation. Then weep at the depravity. Then realize that we would act in such a murderous, self-centered way but for the grace of God. May we cling to the cross, and cry out to God for both mercy and justice. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.”

But for the grace of God, we would not be wrestling with an unfulfilled desire for a child. But for the grace of God, each one of us would choose to murder our children, just like this woman. And if this thought shocks us, it’s an indication that, maybe, we have not yet understood the true extent of our depravity.

So thank God for this desire to bear children for His glory. Thank God for any desire you have for one of His good gifts--a joyful marriage or the salvation of family members or godly friendships. For it is only by His mercy we desire anything good at all. This, of course, is not the only answer to what to do with an unfulfilled longing that won’t go away. It’s just the first one. Part two tomorrow.

Update on John Piper’s Surgery

This morning I received a joyous email from Noel Piper, telling me that her husband John’s prostate cancer surgery yesterday was a success. The Pipers are truly grateful for everyone’s prayers, and we ask that you continue to pray for a full recovery. You can read an update on the surgery at the Desiring God Ministries website. But I also want to encourage each of you to carefully consider John Piper’s article “Don’t Waste Your Cancer,” written on the eve of his surgery. Whether or not you are experiencing a physical trial right now, we will all experience suffering at some time in our lives. As a wise pastor in the furnace of his own personal trial, John Piper counsels us how to think about pain in light of God’s Word, and instructs us how not to waste it.

“Does Thin Equal Beautiful?”

Eating, thinness, and beauty are pressing issues for women. Bombarded by our culture’s image of the beautiful women, we can be obsessed with our appearance and preoccupied with food. Countless women struggle with eating disorders such as bulimia or anorexia.

As a Christian counselor, and the author of When People Are Big and God Is Small, Dr. Ed Welch has counseled many women in bondage to these sins. And in a recent message at Capitol Hill Baptist Church entitled “Does Thin Equal Beautiful?” Dr. Welch describes the truth from Scripture, which provides lasting freedom and hope.

Whether you are obsessed with your appearance, or discouraged by constant dieting, or trapped in a cycle of bulimia or anorexia (or know someone who is)—this message contains vital truth for you! In fact, Dr. Welch’s wise, gentle, and prescient counsel is for all of us, regardless of our temptations. As we look to Christ, we shall be truly changed.   

“Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.” Psalm 35:4

My sis Nicole…

...gave a great message to the ladies at her church last Saturday, and I thought y’all might enjoy checking it out.  (Sisters get these kind of bragging rights!)  The title was “Biblical Femininity in Every Day Life” and she specifically focused on God’s assignment for us as women to be helpers.

One of the things that I love about this message is how Nicole makes specific application to all seasons of life.  I think we can often limit this role of helper to marriage; only that’s not what we find when we take a closer look at God’s Word.  Nicole examines what this helper role looks like practically for teens, singles, and married women. 

Click here to listen. I know that you will be both challenged and encouraged by God’s specific plan for you. 

In Conflict, Anyone?

Nicole has an article on Crosswalk.com’s family channel on the subject of mother-daughter conflict. However, mothers and daughters aren’t the only ones who may experience strife in their relationship. We are sinful people living and working and doing church with other sinful people. The reality of conflict is something we are all too familiar with.

Sadly, we are far less familiar with the grace God gives to those who respond to conflict with humility. In his message “Cravings and Conflicts” on which Nicole’s article is based, my husband examines James 4 and God’s truth that transforms our conflicts. The bad news is that conflict is much worse than we think. But the great news is that it is also simpler and easier to resolve conflict than we think, because of Jesus Christ.

So if you are presently experiencing relational discord of any kind, read this article, listen to this message, and find God’s solution to conflict.

Bye Bye Tears

My husband recently found me on the living room couch in a puddle of tears.  Granted, pregnancy had me crying over spilled soup recently, but these tears revealed a little more.  As I talked to Mike, it became more and more clear that my tears were over consequences I had experienced because of my neglect of Habit #4, “she sets up regular time for planning.” I had missed an event that I had really wanted to attend, simply because I neglected to keep up on my calendar.  Oh, this wasn’t the first time that I had experienced the result of ineffective planning. 

You see, I have never considered myself “a planner.”  I prefer to let life come at me.  I would like to think of myself as “laid back” and “relaxed;” but I have come to see things differently.  Through the help of others, I have seen that this “laid back” lifestyle was an excuse for my selfishness.  I wanted to be free to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  This selfishness was bearing bad fruit in my life. I was not only missing events that I wanted to attend, but others were suffering from my unfaithfulness to follow through on specific responsibilities. 

Yes, drastic action was needed.  Habit #4 to the rescue.  I already had a set plan in place for yearly scheduling (more on that tomorrow), but that obviously wasn’t enough.  My mom encouraged me to implement weekly and daily scheduling. 

So Sunday afternoons now find me sitting down (somewhere really comfy with lots of pillows) with my computer and my list of overall priorities and responsibilities.  These will look different for everyone, but mine start with the big ones—my marriage, church, relationships, home, work, etc.  I take these large priorities and break them down into my daily “to-dos”.  How can I care for Mike this week?  Is there anyone that I can bless with a phone call or encouragement note?  Which nights do I need to cook?  When will I do the laundry?  Which days am I putting in my hours for work?  Have I left enough time for naps?  You get the picture.  I plug each of these responsibilities into a specific day.  This becomes my weekly “road map” and the list that I refer to each morning.

You see, once I’ve done my yearly planning and my weekly planning, then my daily planning is a breeze. This wonderful quote, passed on to me by my wonderful mother, offers some sound advice:

“Follow the 15:4 rule: Spending fifteen minutes thinking about what you are going to do before you start will save four hours of wasted time later on.  Any individual who has thought through her workday, set priorities, and organized the day’s tasks is likely to accomplish far more than someone who moves randomly through the day” (Stephanie Winston).

Simple, huh?

This simple, but “highly effective” practice has made a huge difference in my life.  My priorities and responsibilities are receiving regular attention and evaluation.  And the living room couch has not seen as many tears of late.