Series

Q & A - Raising Teenagers

We are going to take a different approach to Q & A today. We have received a number of questions about raising teenagers...not only from the blog, but personally as well. And while we will continue to attempt to answer these questions, we want to strongly encourage you to take advantange of some helpful resources. These books, articles, and cd's--if studied and applied--will ultimately be more helpful than any advice we can offer on any one question.

In particular, there is a brand new resource we want to highlight, and that is the latest issue of that most outstanding publication, The Journal of Biblical Counseling. Devoted entirely to topics related to parenting teens, this issue (Vol. 23, No. 3, Summer 2005) includes articles such as:

"Only A Teenager" by David Powlison
"Dazzle your Teen" by Tedd Tripp
"What is 'Success' in Parenting Teens?" by Paul Tripp
"Why Do Kids Turn Out the Way They Do?" by Jim Newheiser
"Communicate with Teens" by Tedd Tripp
"Addressing the Problems of Rebellious Children" by Mary Somerville
"Counseling Angry, Unmotivated, Self-Centered, Spiritually-indifferent Teens" by Rick Horne
"Yelling at My Kids" by Nina Campagna

Here are some choice excerpts from just one of the articles ("What is 'Success' in Parenting Teens?"). But it's hard not to quote the whole thing!

“Many parents have a simple goal for getting through their child’s teenage years: survival. But this goal focuses simply on getting yourself through a difficult time. In order to get through these years, parents tend to settle for external, behaviorist goals. We try to deal with our kids according to the Nike way, ‘Just do it!’ But parents who just want to regulate and control behavior don’t give teens much to take with them when they leave home....The final years of a child’s life at home are a time of unprecedented opportunity. As a child’s world unfolds before him and he experiences greater freedom, his heart is revealed. This means parents have to take every opportunity to be part of the final stage of preparation. Being involved with our teenagers at a deep level is a critical goal for these years.”

“The most helpful thing to remember is that your teenager is more like you than unlike you....There are very few struggles in the life of my teenager that I don’t recognize in my own life as well. For instance, imagine my child has gotten into trouble because he’s procrastinated on a school assignment, and now he can’t possibly get it done on time. Haven’t I done the same thing? Of course, I have. And if I realize that, I can’t come to him and say, ‘How dare you! How could you? In my day I would have never thought of doing this!’ Instead, I come as a fellow sinner. It’s because of this that my dealings with him become based on the gospel rather than the law. Here’s my opportunity to point him to Christ. So I say: ‘Son, there’s a rescue provided for us in the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ. There’s hope for both of us. I need it every bit as much as you do. And I stand with you. However, don't expect me to write a note to the teacher to get you out of the assignment."

My husband, Steve, who is the pastor of the parent-teen ministry at our church, recently gave this journal to all the parents. And as my dad says, "This issue of the journal deserves broad distribution." The cost is only $8 and we hope that every parent of a teenager (or soon-to-be teenager) purchases a copy. You can order it by clicking here or contacting the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation at 800-318-2186.

Also, most of you are probably aware of these resources, but if you haven't read or listened to the following, we believe they will serve you as well...

Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp

"Parents, Teens, and Reasonable Expectations" by Grant Layman

Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood

Stepping Heavenward

Several years ago, in between the births of my sons Andrew and Liam I suffered two miscarriages in a row. When I was walking through the disappointment of my first miscarriage, my friend Nadia gave me the book Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss.

In this book, Elizabeth’s fictional character Katy begins as a selfish teenager, and Elizabeth brings us into her thoughts, struggles, and sin. Then she takes us on the journey of Katy’s life as she embraces her call as a wife and mother. We are able to see up close the Lord's work in her life as she walks through much trial and suffering.

As I found my soul tempted towards discouragement and unbelief, Prentiss’ (loosely autobiographical) character’s suffering put mine in perspective. She lost one of her children and experienced significant physical challenges that confined her to her room for lengthy seasons.  Yet as she passed through this shadow of death she took hold of Scripture and began to embrace a God-centered perspective on her trials.

As Katy recounts:

“During my long illness and confinement to my room, the Bible has been almost a new book to me, and I see that God has always dealt with His children as He deals with them now, and that no new thing has befallen me. All these weary days so full of feebleness, these nights so full of unrest, have had their appointed mission to my soul.  And perhaps I have had no discipline so salutary as this forced inaction and uselessness, at a time when youth and natural energy continually cried our for room and work.”

Whatever my days and nights hold, my confidence is this: they always have their appointed mission to my soul.  Whether it’s the significant trial of a miscarriage or the simple daily temptations faced in just patiently caring for my two-year-old, I can be sure that in every day the Lord has an appointed mission for my soul.

Ultimately my hope and joy rest not in my circumstances.  Whether my days are happy or difficult, whether I experience loss or gain.  God’s word points me to the joy that is unshakeable, the joy of knowing peace with Him, through Jesus Christ. Prentiss’ character, Katy, found in God the same unshakeable joy. And these are her words on a particularly happy day:

“This is the 10th anniversary of our wedding day and it has been a delightful one.  If I were called upon to declare what has been the chief element of my happiness I would say it was not Ernest’s love to me or mine to him or that I am once more the mother of three children or that my own dear mother still lives, though I revel in each and all of these.  But underneath them all, deeper, stronger than all, lies a peace with God that I can compare to no other joy, which I guard as I would guard hidden treasure, and which must abide even if all other things pass away."

I want to be faithful to guard that hidden treasure of peace with God, whether in joy and prosperity, or in suffering.

Quotes taken from Elizabeth Prentiss, Stepping Heavenward (Amityville, NY: Calvary Press,  1995), 200 & 215.

Spiritual Disciplines for Moms

Nicole wrote the other day about the temptation to neglect the spiritual disciplines on vacation. But as a mom with three young children, I find myself daily prone to skip my quiet time. When you’ve been up countless times in the night with a baby who needs a bottle, a toddler who won’t sleep, and a five year old who wets the bed—all of whom wake up by 6:00 a.m.—it’s occasionally a little hard to have Bible study and prayer first thing in the morning. Then my roller-coaster ride of a day begins and the demands on my time come fast and furious. When nap time rolls around (if Liam actually stays in his bed), I’m in need of rest myself. If you’re a mom with young kids, I’m sure you can relate.

However, even though my quiet times may not always be an hour or more as is my goal, and although the times of day may vary, it is vital that I make it my highest priority to spend time meditating on the gospel, and as George Mueller once said, “make my soul happy in God.” In this unique season of my life, short books that take me straight to the cross are the most valuable. I want to share with you some of my favorites, as well as those of other mommy-friends of mine:

The Cross Centered Life and Christ Our Mediator – I know I’m a little biased, but these books by my dad have helped me tremendously.

Morning and Evening – Two verses, two simple readings, and I am more grateful for the Savior.

The Passion of Jesus Christ – Friends of mine love this John Piper book that has fifty verses and meditations on the cross.

Beside Still Waters – If you are in a trial, this comforting book of short thoughts by Charles Spurgeon will help transform your perspective of suffering.

The Valley of Vision – As we’ve said before on this blog, these prayers promote communion with God.

Finally, one last recommendation: It’s an investment, but I highly recommend purchasing the ESV Bible and The Valley of Vision on cd. Playing these throughout the day are not a substitute for a quiet time, but they refresh my soul—not to mention my kids are hearing God’s Word.

The Valley of Vision

My husband gave me a gift this past week that I must tell you about. It is The Valley of Vision on cd.  If you are not familiar with this book, here is a brief description:

"The Valley of Vision is a collection of prayers and devotions taken from the writings of spiritual giants like John Bunyan, Charles Spurgeon, Isaac Watts, and Richard Baxter.  These men were not only devoted students of the Bible, but men who expressed an enthusiasm for prayer that is inspiring and contagious."

For years, my own prayer life has been informed and enriched by reading the prayers from The Valley of Vision during my morning devotions.  Now, having the audio version enables me to benefit—not just in the mornings—but throughout the day.  At this very moment, I have one of the CD's in my car, one in my kitchen, and one in my bedroom.  I know, it’s a little overboard, but it just goes to show how much I am benefiting!

The audio collection comes with seven compact discs, which include six hours of narration.  I suggest you put this series on your next birthday wish list.  Or if your birthday has passed, add it to your Christmas list.  Then you too will be playing it on every CD player you own! 

Andrew’s Favorites

I thought I'd follow Nicole's summer reading recommendations (see post dated June 21) with my favorite picks for little people. Brian and I have enjoyed reading these books to our five-year-old son, Andrew. More importantly, they have been valuable tools to introduce the gospel to his young mind.

Ages 2-4
Read Aloud Bible Stories: Volume 1 by Ella K. Lindvall
Amazon.com says that this "Gold Medallion Book Award" and "C.S. Lewis Honor Book" winner is for 4-8 year olds. However, because of the simple language, Andrew could memorize the stories at age two. Volume 2, Volume 3, and Volume 4 are also available.

My 1st Book Of Questions and Answers by Carine MacKenzie
Sinclair Ferguson writes that this book is "God-centered, Christ-honoring, Character-building." What more could I ask for in a book for my children? Also check out My 1st Book Of Memory Verses , My 1st Book Of Bible Prayers , and My First Book of Bible Promises .

Ages 3-5

The Gospel for Children by John B. Leuzarder
This book explains the gospel message in a way that is easy for children to understand.

The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm
"Simple words and striking illustrations unfold the storyline of God's Word from Genesis to Revelation," is the apt description on the Crossway website.

Ages 5 and up

The Priest With Dirty Clothes by R.C. Sproul
Andrew really loves this story. He is just beginning to understand its meaning and significance of justification. Also by R.C. Sproul: The King Without a Shadow .

Dangerous Journey by Oliver Hunkin
This is a tremendous adaptation of the classic Pilgrim's Progress for little children. However,  It will probably be at least a year before Andrew reads this, as the pictures are a little scary.

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
Of course every child should read this classic series!

The Chronicles of Narnia Drama
Radio Theatre from Focus on the Family

 
And one music cd for children of all ages...

Awesome God - Andrew sings the songs around the house, and my two-year-old, Liam, is constantly begging me to "play compare" (track 10 "For You are Holy").

Summer Solstice

Today is the first day of summer. It’s summer solstice—the longest day of the year.

As a high school student, the first day of summer was like a big happy sigh. It was the start of two whole months of freedom. Even if I worked a job, summer still felt like a break: there was no homework lying in wait to attack me at the end of the day.

But before all this free time went to my head, Mom came along with that old favorite—the “summer schedule.” Now, Mom wanted her girls to have a fun summer as much as we did. She’d plan trips to Kings Dominion (a nearby amusement park) and we’d go berry picking and to "free-swim" hour at the pool. But she was determined we wouldn’t completely waste those long summer days.

That’s where the “summer schedule” came in. It meant waking up before noon, having morning devotions, practicing piano, maybe cooking dinner once a week. But no matter how it changed from year to year, it always included one hour per day of mandatory reading. And those books I read—they have shaped my life, and still bring me joy all these years later.

Maybe you’re not much of a reader. But in John Piper’s book When I Don't Desire God he shares a great idea for non-readers or not-so-fast readers to actually finish good books. (Maybe his mom had a “summer schedule” too.) He writes:

“Suppose you read slowly like I do—maybe about the same speed that you speak—200 words a minute. If you read fifteen minutes a day for one year (say just before supper, or just before bed), you will read 5,475 minutes in the year. Multiply that by 200 words a minute, and you get 1,095,000 words that you would read in a year. Now an average serious book might have about 360 words per page. So you would have read 3,041 pages in one year. That’s ten very substantial books. All in fifteen minutes a day.”

John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy (Wheaton, Ill: Crossway Books, 2004), p. 129.

Now I tried to work out how many pages you could read before the autumn equinox (the first day of fall) in ninety-four days, but I was never very good at math. However I bet you could read three books this summer if you set aside fifteen minutes a day.

May I offer some suggestions?

1.    Read a book about God. And there’s no better place to start than the modern classic Knowing God by J.I. Packer.

2.    Read a good biography. My elementary school librarian, Miss Kisiel, used to make her students read three biographies before we could check out one Nancy Drew. We complained, but today I am still inspired by the godly men and women I met in those books. My current pick for a good biography is The God I Love by Joni Eareckson Tada.

3.    Read a classic work of literature. A Tale of Two Cities has to be my favorite novel of all time. The key is not stopping after the first chapter. It gets better. Much better. And the ending...wow!

So, what are you still looking at this blog for? You have some reading to do!